The Sunday Mail
MANY couples no longer respect and value their marriages.
They treat their marriages like old garments which can just be changed for new ones. You may think that opting out is the best solution but truth be told you may discover that in most cases it’s not so.
Whether you are in your first, second or third marriage, quitting is not the answer. Commitment to make it work is the best way to go and you will be surprised to see it getting stronger and stronger as the years go by. All you need is to value your marriage. You can not enjoy what you do not value. Your marriage may be going through a turbulence but investing in the following areas will transform your relationship.
Love/Commitment
At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever — and that is what defines true love.
It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life.
Sexual Faithfulness
Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse.
Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness.
Humility
We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness.
Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pen and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you – that simple exercise should help you stay humble.
Repeat as often as necessary.
Patience/Forgiveness
Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner.
They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage. And they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur.
If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive. It will set your heart and relationship free.
Time
Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in a while wouldn’t hurt either.
Honesty/Trust
Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything healthy in a marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time.
Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you will do. It takes time, so start now – and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you will need to work even harder.
Communication
Successful marriage partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids’ schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls.
This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright communication becomes the foundation for so many other things on this list: commitment, patience, and trust just to name a few.
Selflessness
Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to him/herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together. This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest into them daily. Accomplishing the items listed above will always require nearly every bit of yourself and it is worth it. After all, a successful marriage is far more valuable than most of the temporal things we chase after with our lives. And will always last longer. Value your marriage if you are to enjoy it.
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