The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba
What a horrible mother-in-law I have
Mai Chisamba makadii? I have been married for 12 years but the truth is my mother-in-law and I are opposites. I don’t know whether she ever wanted her sons to get married or not. In a nutshell, amai havaite ivava. Her core business in the family is to make sure varoora varwadziswa. Kana vafunga Harare vanonyepera kurwara, when she comes hakudyiwe rinopisa, she is an attention seeker, kunyepa, kudhumanisa vanhu musoro, kukumbira mari unotovanyarira. In fact, I don’t have the words to properly describe her nokuti huipi hwacho hauite. Tiri varoora vatatu, tese takaipa, akanaka chete ndiZuruvi akaroora her only daughter. All her sons are brain-washed because all they say is vanhu havanzwisise mai, vanotadza kunzwisiswa kuti kudini kwacho. Personally I am a career woman and I bring a decent income home, but my parents don’t get the same attention from my husband. Mai vake kungoti koso kana chikwereti chinotsvagwa. My husband is the eldest in his family so ini nevamwe varoora we suggested to take turns pakutumira groceries kumusha and the old lady says no to this arrangement. I don’t even know what prompted my husband to tell her. Handisati ndaona vanhu vanokwata mai vavo zvakadaro. She is so wastefull vanotogovawo zvatinovapa kunge vanoenda kubasa. I could write volumes and volumes about this woman. My question is tinonzwa nerunyerekupe kuti amai ava vanoshereketa, zvanzi vanoshandisa vana vavo sevarume nemushonga ndosaka vese vachivatya. Zvakadai zviriko here? My father-in-law is still alive, he is a man of few words, loving and caring but also ashamed of his wife’s behaviour.
When I read your letter I felt sick to my stomach, it was like watching a terrible African movie. Maiwee! I can’t imagine that you have been struggling in your relationship with your mother-in-law for so long. It seems you have already given up on her. I know it’s not easy but believe it or not you just have to work on this first otherwise it will affect your marriage and children. In that family set-up pavaroora you are second-in-command, you come after her. Imi hamudiwo musha une mufaro here? Mati vanonyepera kurwara, asi mungatambwe iyoyo sei in 2014? We are living in a world of technology, next time she falls or plays sick take her to a medical centre and request for a full inquiry then see what the results say. All this is done nemuchina yakasiyana siyana, you need to be sure of these things. You gave an account of her character and behaviour, hazvina kumira zvakanaka. Shandisai vemhuri yavo kana madzisahwira kuti muyananiswe. Muwanano mune combined budget tauriranai kuti mhuri dzamunozvarwa munodzibatsira sei, zvepanguva dzipi nekuti nyaya yekuti ko kwangu, ko kwangu haivake musha. Your father-in-law can also help in that amai does not cross the line unnecessarily. Mai ngavabatsirwe, haisi shumba, munhu semi. Mukaendesa magroceries kumusha udzai mai kuti taunza zvingakubetserei kwemwedzi kana vhiki dzakati kuti maybe she will get the message. Zvinotoda moyochena, kukwira gomo hupoterera. Your last question yerunyerekupe iyi, aiwaka uhwu huroyi asi iniwo kuti nditi ndezve chokwadi kwete handigone because this is a thing that we can’t prove scientifically. Asi kana kungofungawo vangaite varume vana, baba navana vavo vakomana vatatu? HAMENO.
Yes Mai Chisamba it takes a bit of courage to write to your column. I was really encouraged by one of the guys who wrote to you last week akati aimbotsvaka chivindi to do so. I want to say thank you so much for keeping our names and contact details to yourself, please keep this up. Ini hangu ndakagukuchira although ndave a born-again Christian. Handidi kunyepa ndaibata bata plus ndaive kana kuti ndoti ndine mudzimu waitorwirwa nemadhara mumusha medu. Kwedu I am referred to as sekuru although I am in my early forties. A few months ago I went to a certain church, chokwadi ndakatendeuka but I am so confused now. I still have zvombo zvese zvasekuru, shoko rakatosvika kumusha kuti ndonamata. I hear people are already fighting for this mudzimu, vekweduwo vari kuti wakurasa muchengeti wemhuri vamwe vakuti handisi kunamata ndakabvutwa nemhepo kuti nditorerwe mudzimu, vamwe varikuti mudzimu mukuru wakadai haudi pwere, I just don’t know which is which. Iniwo handichadi zvemudzimu zvine mhiko dzakawanda zvakare mitauro haipere it’s always this ritual or that, pese pese zvakanganiswa icho nechocho. My question is, should I take my sekuru regalia and the tools of the trade to my pastor to destroy or should I surrender this to the family elders? Ko ini wacho handichazovhiringwi nezvinhu izvi here?
Thank you so much for being so courageous and thank you for boldly declaring what you now believe in. The problem with your issue is these are two different extremes, born-again Christian and a full-fledged spirit medium. These two can never be reconciled if you really want to be true to yourself. First let me say congratulations for picking on what you want to be, life is about you not them. Let’s start with the traditional one, ini semunhu ndinofunga kuti kunyangwe zvakanaka kupa pastor kuti vapise enda kumhuri zvine chiremera kudzosera zvinhu zvasekuru kuvakuru vako. Let them dispose or keep in a way they know or think is culturally acceptable. Zvinhu izvi ndezvemhuri kwete zvako usape vanhu mukana wekuti kana zvarema voti ndiwe wakavaparira. You say you converted to true Christianity, mind you this is a one-way avenue haichina zvekuti tombofamba kana kuenda kugata hapachina kana kuti ndakazonyengetedzwa. The reason why I said congratulations is kugona kusarudza vamwe vanohangarara nenyaya idzi. From now on you are going to be a free person because it’s now between you as an individual and your God. Mwari wawasarudza ndiye muridzi wedenga nepasi saka nyaya yekuvhiringwa yauri kutya iyi iri mumaoko avo.
Mai Chisamba, makadini henyu? Vakuru vanoti ‘kura uone’, when I was young I thought it was one of those old people’s sayings. Nhasi muchafarira tsamba yangu nekuti izere tsumo but the idea is to try and express myself fully. Rinonyenga rinohwarara rinosimudza musoro rawana, this is what happened to me and it’s just unfortunate. If I were in the USA, I could have taken my husband for DNA tests just to prove if he is the same man I dated eight years ago. After our gorgeous white wedding we were blessed with twins, a boy and a girl. To me that was wow and perfect. Kubasa nemunharaunda vanotonzi baba watwo, remadunhurirwa. Mai Chisamba ndakaroorwa nerombe and I will live to regret, ndiri kufunga kuti ndomusiya ndoenda hangu kuhufundisi because handichada futi chinonzi murume. Mai Chisamba you are the last person I am going to talk to. I hope munondiudza chokwadi sechandinoverenga muchiudza vamwe. Please don’t tell me about vana tete, counsellors, etc, kwese ndakabvako, ndaneta, rombe iri harigadzirike. The way he now drinks ndakuzvitya, he has no time for me and the kids. Ane zvikwereti in most of these beer outlets, ndiye mudyiwa kana muzhanje weshamwari dzake. Ndinotendereka ndega mundufu nemichato yefriends and family. Our family business has been dealt a hard blow because he is the boss there. Kurara out in the name of ‘I was with my friends’, ndiko kuroorwa here uku chokwadi? Please help I am so confused, is it me or him?
I am fine, thank you so much. Haa this is a letter and half, before I say anything let me say I am overwhelmed. I feel so sorry for you and the beautiful innocent children. Thank you for considering to write in and for making me the last person you want to talk to, I am truly humbled. You say wakuda kuenda kuhufundisi because you don’t want to remarry, aiwa that’s wrong. You have to be called by God kuti uendeko, it’s a vocation not a job nor a hide-out. The adage you used ‘Rinonyenga rinohwarara’ shows me kuti to begin with things were not as bad as they are now. Kudhakwa, hurombe, kushaya basa nemhuri zvakazotanga kwaitikei? What triggered this? To me munhu anodaidzwa kubasa kuti baba two is a proud father because some would not want to acknowledge this. Hapana here chakaitika muhupenyu hwako kana hwake? Ongororo inoratidza kuti weak men or women vanohwanda nedoro. Have you ever made an effort to see or just know his current friends? Shamwari nema associates emunhu zvinogona kubatsira kuti tizive hunhu hwake, even the places he goes to zvinobatsira.