The Sunday Mail
In love with someone’s husband
I am a very beautiful maid who is often confused for a professional woman. I grew up with my stepmother. My mother was divorced and sent away by my father. It was a very difficult childhood, so I did not do well in school.
My problem is I am also in love with baba, the husband of my boss, but we have kept it a secret for the past 18 months. They are married and have two kids. I am sitting pretty because he gives me money and gifts. He regrets marrying an ugly woman although she is educated and a boss where she works. My other boyfriend now wants to marry me.
Baba was not amused because he says he loves me. My problem is each time I ask him if he is going to leave his wife for me he beats about the bush. How do I decide? Should I tell my boyfriend to postpone the marriage plan? The set-up is working well for me because amai attends out-of-town workshops most of the time. The other child is still young; he wants milk even during the night, so when she goes away, she asks me to sleep in the main house and help out. My fear now is I may rush to marry my boyfriend whilst baba has better plans. If I get married, will baba continue to love and give me money? Zvakutondipa stress ini.
Response
After having had a difficult childhood, the least I would have expected from you is a desire to lead a better life.
You are confused because you do not know what is important in your life. I always say love triangles are dangerous in the wake of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). What you are doing is just evil. Can you imagine cheating on your poor boyfriend who is trying to pay lobola to be with the love of his life?
That is really sad and inhumane. You are in love with your boss — a married man — because he gives you money and gifts? What nonsense! You should be ashamed of yourself. How do you feel when amai asks you to sleep in the main house to be with her beloved child? Baba does not love you at all; that is why he has no answer for you. He is simply taking advantage of you because it is convenient for him to do so — kuraura mudish. What you should know is what goes around comes around. If you do not stop this evil game, one day you shall live to regret it. Think of amai, your boyfriend and their innocence. I urge you to stop seeing baba and quit your job because you cannot say no and continue to work for him. It is not easy but that is what needs to be done. You just need to start afresh. Also, you have wronged your boyfriend, please set him free.
Twenty-eight and undecided
I am a 28-year-old lady and I am ready for marriage. I have known the guy I am currently dating for years, but nothing serious has come up. I am a gainfully employed graduate.
He never went to high school as he stayed in the rural areas assisting his family to till the lands and herd cattle. Currently, he is an artisanal miner but does not have much to show for it.
In fact, he is always asking for financial assistance from me even for petty things like airtime. I have broken up with him twice over the years because he is not marriage material. Even my friends and family do not approve of him. The problem is, compared to the other guys I encounter, he is the one that actually treats me well and respects me. Please help.
Response
Your letter seems so clear. I think you are using this guy as a safety net. You are just stringing him along until a better option comes along. This is not love at all! It seems like calculating at play, and that is heartless. Please let him go if you do not truly love him. He is better off alone than with someone who sees him as a mere option. Your backgrounds are very different and I can see why your friends and family may be weighing in. The truth is beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What you see may differ from what everyone else sees and it is up to you to act on it. As far as his personal and career development is concerned, you may assist by trying to encourage him to better his situation. However, please make up your mind and decide if you want a future with this guy or not. Since you are ready to get married and he is not, I am guessing what the likely outcome will be. I wish you all the best.
Ex-wife keeping kids from me
I am a troubled 43-year-old man. My ex-wife is making it near impossible for me to see my two daughters. We are legally divorced and I do not know where the bad blood comes from. I want to play an active role in my kids’ lives and I do not know how to best deal with this situation. I am trying to do it in the most amicable way possible. I respect the fact that she is the mother of my kids. I hope you can give me a smart way to deal with this predicament.
Response
I am concerned about your mental state because you say you are troubled. I wish you had furnished me with more details so that I can establish where this is coming from.
For instance, how long have you been divorced? What led to the divorce? Does she deem you to be an unfit parent? This would have helped me get a clearer picture of the puzzle.
Nonetheless I will do my best. You are not misguided in your attempt to resolve things as amicably as possible.
There are still innocent minors involved and it is important to create a good environment for their upbringing. You can start by asking her family to intervene. If they cannot help her see sense, the next stage will be for you to tackle this issue legally.
Get a lawyer and seek joint custody from the courts. I hope the first option works. It is good that you still want to play an active role in your kids’ lives and provide for them despite the divorce. Be of good cheer; it will be well. You still want to play an active role in your kids’ lives and provide for them despite the divorce. Be of good cheer; it will be well.
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