The story about Chamisaa��s wife

It really looks like Nelson Chamisa is missing something and we are all not being helpful at all. The boy is missing something terribly,A� yet we choose to stay political with him as if he is a real political factor.

The temptation here is to quickly declare a�� NO UNDER 18, but then in this digital era, we will be wasting time. These kids are everywhere and they now know everything. So let the sermon begin.

I repeat, Chamisa is missing something. Mwana ari kushiringinya isu tome zvedu kutoenda kundari. Huri kumbonaka seiko mazuva ano?

Over the past few weeks, Chamisa has abandoned his cartoons on spaghetti roads and bullet trains. Some are saying ita��s called the a�?Stephen Sackur Effect.a�? Students of cultural studies can explain this phenomenon much better. I am a mere Bishop and all I know is that Chamisa was thoroughly embarrassed by that ruthless presenter of the BBC HardTalk programme. There was indeed some hard talk that saw Chamisa dropping his diapers.

And so the little boy has dropped his cartoons and he is up to something. He has gone sexual. Who said politics and sex dona��t mix? First, Chamisa shocked the world in general, but feminists in particular when he said, a�?If Mnangagwa wins 5 percent in a free election, I will give him my sister. I have a sister who just turned 18 and looking for a husband. I am betting on this because I know it wona��t happen.a�?

Uummm, this boy hey, hey! Kutsvagira mwana ane 18 years murume? UChamisa bakithi? How does he think of such suicidal stuff?

Obviously, the world wasna��t impressed and the little boy was pummelled from all fronts.

He tried to be stubborn about it, but the pressure was just too much. With his long tail between the legs, he relented and apologised.

a�?If anyone felt hurt about the joke I am sorry. It was just a political banter that I used to illustrate that even if I promised to give him (Mnangagwa) my most prized position, he would still not be able to defeat us in a free and fair election.

a�?The joke should have been a non-issue because most Zimbabweans are worried about issues of survival. This is just a sideshow that is being used by irrelevant people to score cheap political points at my expense,a�? he told South African-based News24.com.

A political banter? A joke?

This little boy doesna��t really know the field he is in. Look around boy; do you see King Kong or Ben 10 anywhere near? The consolation is that Chamisa is still growing.

Then when we thought he was done with these dirty sexist jokes, Chamisa went even deeper. Unoshaya kuti sei pfungwa dzangoti nama-nama neizvozvo chete.

a�?As we go to an election this year, we must say goodbye to old age leadership. We want young and energetic leaders like me. Is there anyone who can doubt that I am energetic? Just give me any woman here and see if I will fail to score,a�? said Chamisa while addressing a rally at Maboleni Business Centre in Lower Gweru last week.

With the audience still stunned and saying a�?for the whya�?, he added another punch line.

a�?You think I dona��t know Ndebele? You are wrong. Totally wrong. I can propose love in Ndebele,a�? said the boy. Aikaka ndiko kwazvatosvika uku? Anogona kutsvetsva nechiNdebele nhai? Ahhh, Eriacta buy online, Bitcoin cloud mining kostenlos 3d – Reliably buy combination 3 birth control pills. purchase dapoxetine. very clever boy. We have a linguist here vanhu vaMwari.

a�?Just give me any woman here and see if I will fail to score.a�?

Reducing women to goal posts? The boy can score? From a linguist to a macho-man! This Chamisa is really something else. And to imagine he is a trained pastor with AFM?

But hey, the boy is correct. He can propose love in Ndebele. Ita��s true. Just ask the wife, Sithokozile.

a�?Ngiyakuthanda Sitho,a�? I hear Mr Loverman saying.

But then why is Mr Loverman never seen with his a�?Sithoa�? in public? Why is Sitho a secret? Why havena��t we seen her by her husbanda��s side? Why havena��t we seen her chanting daddya��s partya��s slogan? I hope Chamisa is not that old school husband who thinks wifey belongs to the home where ita��s all about scoring goals.

The last time I checked, reports said Sithokozile, a whole lawyer by profession, could not join hubby on the political platform because she is employed by some NGO that doesna��t allow her to be seen meddling in politics.

When I saw this report, I laughed. A whole lawyer allowing some NGO to take away her democratic right? What kind of a lawyer is that? What kind of an NGO is that?

Hakuna zvakadaro. Chamisa even claims to be an advocate. Saka shuwa advocate allows wifeya��s right to freedom of association and expression to be taken away just like that? Tell me another reasonable theory.

Even the Holy Book advises wives to support their husbands in Ephesians 5:22-23 saying: a�?Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.a�?

We want too see Madame Chamisa by her husbanda��s side. Surely, Sithokozile cana��t break a tradition that was started way back by Martha Washington who is considered to be the first a�?First Lady.a�? Martha set the stands for women and Sithokozile is surely not about to break that long held tradition.

Still on this issue of supportive wives, as your Bishop I am very convinced that if Suzan Tsvangirai, Tsvangiraia��s first wife, had not died in that tragic accident, Savea��s political life would have been totally different pane zvatakazoona. Suzan was genuinely supportive and she was indeed Tsvangiraia��s shoulder to lean on. When Suzan died, Tsvangiraia��s political life died. Suddenly Save was all over the place with different women. I personally will never forget Savea��s Legends of the Seas picture with that beautiful lady from South Africa.

American singers JZ and Beyonce must have been green with envy. That was a picture for superstars, yet it was our own Save. Rest in Peace Save! Hope you finally met your real wife Suzan. I could see you were missing her.

So back to the sermon, Sithokozile has to support little hubby.A� I hear that naughty section in my church whispering at the back saying a�?saka Bishop muri kutii? Asi pane nyaya?a�?

Well, I am not a reckless and easily excitable Bishop. One day, a day soon to come, the truth shall be told in devastating ways, but what Chamisa did to MP for Harare West Jessie Majome in favour of Ms Joanna Mamombe was just not on. Reports say Chamisa dumped Majome for Mamombe.

A clearly hurt Jessie poured her heart out: a�?Before the close of the 8th Parliament, I was seeking re-election for Harare West Constituency under the banner MDC Alliance.

a�?However, sadly for me in this primary election, I have noted several factors that I cannot ignore, which I have highlighted to my party which I believe, honestly, constitute manipulation of my party guidelines towards a fair outcome to the extent in my view regrettably so, that the will of bona fide and genuine Harare Westerners would be lost in that process.

a�?In the light of this, I wish to advise the Harare Westerners that, because they had placed their confidence in me, that I am withdrawing with a heavy heart my candidature for MDC Alliance for Harare West Constituency . . . because of the reasons that I have given in detail to my party.a�?

Ahh, shame.

Sorry sister Jessie. Chiregai kuita chiramwa asikana. There is still hope. You thought Thokozani Khupe had gone nuts when she decided she had had enough of this Chamisa boy? More shocking stuff coming soon.

Welcome to the political ring Ms Mamombe. Well, as for Chamisa, there is no welcoming you, munozivana.

But how does it feel to do that to another woman? Your coming makes the feminist agenda seem chimeric, too utopian.

For now leta��s just say we are likely to hear more about this Ms Mamombe. She is some package and as with all packages, it shall be opened and the world will see why Chamisa is choosing to dump a long time senior member of the party.

The mischievous ones are already making it rhyme in true dancehall style. Kwanzi a�?nhai Ms Mamombe asi mombe dzakaenda.a�? Will be in touch with my Chairman Killer T, to coin a good one soon.

I said Chamisa is missing something, didna��t I? Well, if by now you havena��t figured out what the little boy is missing, then that NO UNDER 18 was meant for you. You can be over 18, but still under 18. Age is just a number.

But think of it, Chamisa and Sithokozile could actually be right. Maybe Sithokozile has to keep in the background. The Grace Mugabe era has taught us that dzimwe nguva zviri nani munhu agare kumba.

Grace Mugabe was just something else. In your spare time, try to replay those videos where she was speaking at those interface rallies. My favourite is that popular one where she goes: a�?Unopenga! Unopenga!a�? You see and listen to those videos and say to yourself a�?right in front of our eyes, munhu aitodya waya.a�? Does anyone miss Grace? Imagine a movie entitled: a�?Grace In Action?a�?

So Chamisa could be right. Maybe he knows something that former President Mugabe didna��t know before he unleashed Grace on us.

But you can see that little boy is missing something. Maybe anoda kudzikamiswa nemukadzi. That could be the solution to all these sexist jokes he is now throwing around.

Maybe Chamisa is now this disoriented because he never in his life thought the British could dump his party. The British have not only dumped his party, they are pouring millions into the ZANU-PF Government.

And Tendai Biti is actually convinced that the British are suddenly wrong. When the same British were giving money to the opposition, he never complained.

The British got tired with the opposition and they are back where they belong. Zvema funnies zvapera.

But like I said, Chamisa is growing. He will learn. He will learn that his best bet under the circumstances is to hope ED will say a�?come be my Prime Minister.a�? That will be a jackpot for little Chamisa.

In the meantime, we want Chamisa and Sitho to show some love and affection. All the other problems will be sorted.

The Bible in Ephesians 5 vs 25 says: a�?For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her,a�? while Genesis 2 vs 24 says: a�?Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.a�?

One flesh inofamba yese. Munhamo nematambudziko. Till death do us part!

Bishop is out!

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  • Taneta

    Chamisa chete chete, the more you continue to try tarnishing his image the more we love him. Hapana nyaya apa. Grace was mad but I remember her at one rally aptly calling your party candidate Bambazonke meaning mutorazvose and then there is Cde Jocelyn.

    • takunda nigel

      Jocy akakunzwa !

  • Mukotami

    Fact check: This may have come after you penned your article, but as it turns out, Chamisa never said give me any woman and I will score! Every other narrative you have said then falls away due to the false premises upon which your comment is based. Its a huge disappointment from the herald in general, after having seen how toxic hate speech was during Mugabe era, the lessons have not been learnt at all!

    But of course you are right on the lame excuse on the non appearance of Chamisa’s wife, what crap is that, a whole lawyer governed by a mere NGO on how to conduct private matters?? and Why can’t she say to hell with that job anyway if she is convinced that she will be the next first lady? Is it that she doubts it?? It would make a difference to have Mai Chamisa stand by her man in these times, but of course that’s not to mean he has no chance in the election simply because wife doesn’t appear in public with him!.

    • takunda nigel

      You really boriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing !

  • Funman

    Amen.

  • Tafirenyika

    Mamombe isimbi yaChamisa. The toddler loves women.

  • Major general

    Were you not yet born when Mugabe stummered in the same show Cde Bishop? How many times did ED say pasi neZANU PF? Pamberi nemhandu? How did the President’s advisor win the primaries CdeBishop? Go on and tell us?

  • Major Musango

    “…. has abandoned his cartoons on spaghetti roads and bullet trains” ……. The very Sunday mail copy where you are writing this has an article from Bushiri saying Zimbabwe will be like Dubai in 6 years ……. So my question is: Which is which? Who is living in Disney Land ….. The Sunday Mail or Chamisa?

  • Truthhurts!

    Mfan uyu i-closet ngito.

  • Sadamo Ncube

    Don’t stoop so low you at Zimpapers Leave ANC alone. His private life is exactly what it is.

  • Jean Claude Van Sha

    Bishop, you are a disgrace not only to Zimbabwe but to human kind as well. you are not worthy following. You are out of order. I dont have too many words for you other than to say than you are a son of a bitch. You are worsting our time and space for this valued news print. Your writings dont deserve to be published at all. You are insulting our intelligence.

  • Clement Rera

    What’s interesting is Zanu-Pf supporters/sympathizers don’t have spine at all.
    Mnangagwa adzingwa, hakuna kana mumwe chete aida kuonekwa ari linked kwaari. Asi kuzongoti zvapinduka, muna November, wonzwa naana Chinoz vese kwanzi, “Grace I hure”.
    Right now Zimpapers inonyora nezve former first family, zvekuti tinosvika pakutoti, “Nhai, wasn’t RG a democratically elected president, zvooitwa seonhuhwa zvino?”
    Isu vamwe takaona kare kuti RG, naivo vana ED, naana Guveya vake vari kuendesa nyika kumawere, asi the same army, that killed civilians on August 1, vaitirova mumabhawa nemudzimba kumarukesheni, kwanzi muri kurasika gwara remusangano.
    Bishop, ED will never beat Chamisa in a free and fair election, mungazvirambe henyu publicly sezvo chingwa chevana chichibva nekuna ED kwacho.
    Zvenyu zvekuti kwanzi maBritish aakudira mari muZanu-Pf government izvo, ndezve kuverenga mazai agere kuchochonywa.

  • Che Guevara

    Would Mnangagwa ever have the guts of appearing on Hard Talk?