The Sunday Mail
Apostle Langton C Kanyati Matrimonial Hub —
FINDING the right person is important but not as crucial an ingredient to long-lasting romance as knowing how to foster and cultivate love in our relationships.
Most of us enter into relationships with poor skills for maintaining them and unrealistic expectations. The real secret to lasting romance lies in learning how to navigate our relationships with skill rather than leaving them to chance or habit.
Marriage needs romance to last long. Great romance doesn’t just happen, it’s planned. Place importance on looking for new ways to say “I love you.”
Husbands take the time to be romantic and your wife will be a more passionate lover.
Wives, express your thoughts about your expectations. Don’t make him guess.z Remember your spouse is your best friend. When romance dies, there is no marriage to talk about.
When your spouse does something good, compliment them. Decide to compliment your spouse on at least one thing every day. Be careful to listen. Your spouse will compliment you on areas in which he or she wishes to receive compliments. Be sure to refrain from back-handed compliments.
Don’t take your partner for granted. If you can appreciate any other person, what more your spouse. If you don’t complement the good they are doing, or their appearance, someone at their workplace will do that.
Then that will make them think that you don’t care. If this continues it will be a breeding ground for unhealthy relationships.
Lack of communication can affect marriage. As such, couples must make it a priority. Learn your mate’s communication style. Everyone communicates differently. Tell him or her the best way to converse with you. Pay attention and actively listen to what your spouse has to say – nod, reply, and make eye contact.
Devote your full attention to what your spouse is saying rather than using the time to prepare your own response. Restate your spouse’s words, reaffirming what they said, and then thoughtfully respond. Discern what role your spouse wants you to play in a conversation, whether as a passive listener or an active problem solver and opinion giver.
The ability to talk and listen to each other is key to a healthy marriage. You should never assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling. Tell your spouse what is going on and as a spouse, know when to just listen.
Learning to really hear your partner is a skill that may require practice. There are many resources available like books that can help couples learn how to communicate more effectively.
In any marriage, great sex is the responsibility of both spouses. Be desirable and take your role seriously. Work with what you have and present yourself as appealingly as possible. Seek to fulfill your spouse’s needs before your own. And don’t be afraid to schedule sex. You can get excited about your plan and look forward to your time together. Remember that in a sexless marriage, any small problem will be multiplied by a thousand.
On the other hand, it’s rare for a couple to have a bad morning after a great night in bed as little things are brushed off because both have good credit emotionally. You can easily guess whether or not a couple is doing well sexually by observing their moods. Irritation, indifference and lack of caring are sure signs that a couple’s bed is only used for sleep.
Selfish relationships will not last so we need to put our spouse’s needs before our own.
As Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Think of how your marriage would change if you and your spouse both applied this passage! During sex, think of satisfying your spouse, on financial issues plan together because when you begin to encounter financial problems, they will affect the whole family.
The same with decisions made for the family, let your spouse be involved so that when things do not go the way they were intended you will not blame each other. And when you experience success you both know you all contributed.
Many individuals enter into relationships but are not aware who they really are. As a result, they will encounter problems in getting to know their partners. Make it a point to work on self-discovery.
Knowing yourself will equip you to grow better as an individual and a partner. Imagine the intimacy and bond you will share over a lifetime when you commit to discovering new things about one another!
A marriage relationship does not function properly unless both partners move to explore intimacy. Marital intimacy can open your relationship to a whole new level of enjoyment and closeness.
It is important, however, to remember that intimacy does not always mean sexuality. An often forgotten aspect of intimacy is the emotional type. An example of emotional intimacy is creating a safe space for your partner to share his or her emotions without fear of you being judgmental or making light of them.
Learn the difference between emotional and physical intimacy and when each one is most appropriate. Offering your partner one type when they really need the other can create problems in your relationship.
Always try to explore common interests. Couples thrive when they share similar interests. That doesn’t necessarily mean each partner will enjoy every activity, but it opens up the opportunity for greater sharing and compromise.
Doing things separately is not bad. However, common interests are important to healthy marriages. A common interest may be cooking or eating new foods together, going for walks or playing cards. The goal is to have something outside of your family that you both enjoy.
Creating a good spiritual connection will enhance that unit and oneness desired for partners to get closer than ever. Many couples grow closer when they share some form of spiritual connection. This can be done in many different ways. For example, serving God together, and supporting each other in the areas of their calling.
Enjoy your marriage. Feedback: [email protected] WhatsApp: 0772 987 844
