Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: My husband’s ‘chiramu’ is extreme

MY HUSBANDS CHIRAMU IS EXTREME!

Mai Chisamba I hope I find you well. I am so confused, I don’t know whether I am over reacting or not. My husband is very cunning and very good at twisting facts, at times I end up blaming myself when in fact ndiye anenge ari wrong.

I hope you will take me serious despite the fact that munokurudzira tsika nemagariro edu. Mai Chisamba, chiramu chemurume wangu chanyanya, it’s too extreme. He enjoys playing chiramu with my younger sister. Anoda kumubata bata muviri wake, kumutsvoda nekutaura majokes akafumuka.

Deep down I no longer feel secure when my sister is with my husband. I asked my sister why she does not tell him that he offends her but she just answered casually ‘‘vanonetsa bamukuru ,vaudzei imimi’’.

The other day my husband said he would want to train mainini zvekuti vakaroorwa murume wavo anenge awana shasha. I still don’t understand the meaning of all this.

I told my parents vakati ngaadzoke kumusha hatidi zvinozotinetsa mangwana. Ndomudzosera here ini ndanga ndambomutora kuti azadzise O Level yake isina kubuda zvakanaka? The truth is I am so upset and their friendship or whatever is getting into my nerves. My husband hardly sends a text message to me unless iri emergency, but mainini gets so many from him.

I just wonder what they will be talking about. I am hurt. Am I overreacting? Please help.

Response

Thank you very much for reading our column and thanks for being a very responsible big sister. The fact that you brought amainini from home to complete her O Level is highly commendable. Yes, my mandate is to promote the local languages and to uphold our progressive cultural values, mind you just the progressive ones. Some men and women take advantage of abusing their innocent in-laws in the name of chiramu. What type of training is your husband talking about? Tsitsi dzavo ndedzeyi? Ichi hachisi chiramu ndiko kunonzi kufumuka kana kushaya hunhu. Murume wenyu angadewo here kuti muwane the same type of training from another man chero mumwewo muramu wenyu? He must be ashamed of himself. Ko kamwana kadiki kakabva kumaruwa ndiko kadini, imi semukadzi wake akatopedza training here? Don’t feel bad you are not overreacting, although it hurts you are actually trying to protect both of them. If your husband crosses the line and rapes this girl he will go to jail. Ivo mainini vakada zvekutambwa navo sechidhori vanopinda muna ndaisireva, vopihwa mwana wavasingagone kuriritira wavasina kuronga. Ini ndinokurudzira tsika dzakanaka chete, don’t get me wrong. To cut a long story short, I agree with your parents take mainini back home but continue assisting her vanyore O Level dzavo, that’s the only way you can empower her.

She will be able to concentrate more without babamukuru’s disturbances. Mutsvagirei ana chipangamazano vano kurukura naye vamuudze kuti kuzviremekedza kunokosha kwete kungo bhabhadzirwa nhando. Let your parents recall her, she is a minor and they can do that on your behalf. Forgive her, she is still young but kumusha ngaaende ozodzoka when she is mature. I hope you and your husband will make up. If need be training dzavo ngadziperere mumba mavo. — Good luck!

What a stubborn daughter-in-law

Mai Chisamba, I like your column, mudzimba mune nyaya umu. I know maybe 90 percent of relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are rock bottom.

Ndiri amwene, but kamuroora kangu kandibvisa chiri kumeso. I know this is very unusual, but it’s true, not all of them are good or innocent.

I feel sorry for my son for taking such a woman for a wife. If I try to speak to her nicely, she answers back rudely, she has told me on several occasions kuti hamusi amai vangu.

She is dirty and lazy, ini pamba pangu handidi tsvina.

Akarukwa musoro, munotofamba muchinhonga zvima weave, kubika chaiko haagone, asi pakudya ndiye number one.

Anondipengera kuti sei ndichifonerana ne ex yemurume wake. The truth is I was very close to my son’s ex-girlfriend, so when the current wife bulldozed her way my son married her but ini neuyu wakare hatina kumbonetsana saka ndopiwa murawu here kuti ndisataure naye? Hakana chikoro, we have been trying to encourage her to enrol for school and study privately, ndakazonzwa kuti kamunhu kema U saka kasingade.

Mai Chisamba, ndinofunga kane demon chete.

Everyday kanonetsana neni chete, how can I rescue my beloved son from this little monster?

Response

Thank you so much for writing in, it’s true mudzimba mune nyaya. Semunhu ava nemuroora I think I can safely say you are a mature woman, unfortunately your letter does not show that. We have an adage which says kuzvara kwemumwe kuzvara kwakowo, how on earth can you be so bitter about a young daughter-in-law who in fact needs guidance from you?

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying muroora is right asi mwana anotoda kubatsirwa. You are referring to her as “ka”, zvinorevei, katsindi here?

How can she trust you if you still entertain your son’s ex girlfriend? Try and put yourself in her shoes, imi mungazvide here? If you have the resources, ngaaende kunoita macourses ekubika nekuchengeta pamba pakachena. If you don’t have money you can do that at home together, but for this you need a good relationship. Who told you that she bulldozed her way into marrying your son? How true is that statement, amai? Ko imi ne ex yemwana, munonyanyotaureiko? Please think about your son, don’t confuse him, don’t break his heart and don’t belittle him. To tell the truth, handichaziva kuti demon ramuri kutaura ndiani anaro. It’s wrong for muroora to say you are not her mother, in our culture you are just as good as her own. Asi munotozviratidza nemabasa acho ehumai. Your problem is how to rescue your son, I don’t want to use the monster language. As far as this letter is concerned, muroora ari kunetsana nemi, kwete nemurume wake, saka makudirei kuti vasiyane? Daidzai vayananisi kumhuri dzenyu mukurukure zvigadzirike. Last but not least I don’t understand why you stay with your son and muroora. Pachivanhu chedu chaicho, muroora haagarwe naye, anobikiswa kuti asununguke kubva pamuri. These days people give all sorts of lame excuses why they continue staying nevana vabva zera. Is it because of accommodation problems? Inhamo here kana kuti rutata? Imi muri kuti pamba pangu handidi tsvina, saka iye otiiwo? My final advice is I plead with you, amai, to be the bigger person in this whole circus.

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Demanding Sarapavana

Thank you, Mai Chisamba, for your column. Mine is not a big problem but l think we need advice and guidance. I come from a family of four, two sisters and two brothers. I am happily married and have three children.

Our mother passed on six months ago so vana sekuru vakatipa mainini as sarapavana tikagashira.

The problem is already takuvara nema demands amainini, mukavanonokera vanokwereta mari vouya. We sat down as siblings and my brother said ngativaudzei kuti vanyanya hatizvidi but I thought it would be good to write to you and ask for advice.

How best can we communicate without offending her?

Zvinhu zvamai hazvisati zvapera kugadzirwa hatidi kuzoramwirwa. We don’t mind helping her but pace yacho even our own mother vaimirira kupiwa.

Response

Thank you for reading our column and thank you for the honour, I am very humbled. From your letter I can tell that you come from a very stable family and you were well brought up. I think you just need to use a bit of diplomacy, tell mainini makuda kugovana muri four kuti mwedzi uno mumwe okuunzirai ma groceries muchiita sema duty.

Already you will have reduced her demands and travels, ane duty anongozovaona kana kutumira mwedzi wapera. Mazuva ano pane tuma cellphones twakachipa vatengerei if it is possible so that you keep in touch. Ngavarege kutambura nekungouya zvisina hurongwa, tangai mataura paphone. Let’s try this, I think it will keep the fire burning. Good luck!

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