The Sunday Mail
Factions in the church
Mine is not a big problem but a concern, it bothers me so much. I go to a Pentecostal church and I try as much as possible to do what is expected of me, for example contributions, tithes.
I am not an administrator but the way things are run is very discouraging. There are factions in our church, even certain pastors belong to some. It’s as if the church is for certain individuals, most of us are looked down upon.
In death and in sickness kune kumwe kunoitwa sesangano rese richatinhirwa ikoko. Our pastors’ wives are always on trips with a few chosen women to do their shopping in SA or Dubai. Mari dzinongodyiwa hamunzwisise zvinoitika. This is now affecting me as a Christian, I now go just for the sake of going otherwise my mind is closed. Ndambofunga kubuda then join one of the mainline churches but I can’t stand the boredom there, zvinhu zvacho zviri monotonous. Please help, I am confused I don’t know what to do. Tongodyiwa mari takatarisa here? Does segregation have a place in church?
Response
There is a very thin line between a concern and a problem, this is why you feel this should be addressed. Religion and life is about you not about them.
There should be fairness in the church and outside. I don’t know the set-up at your church but in many places of worship there is a council that runs business of the church. Inotoitawo secabinet vanotarisa zvemari vachipa mareports, vanotarisawo zvebuilding nezvakadaro daro.
If you know for sure that these people are misappropriating the funds why don’t you get them arrested, no one is above the law. You talk about factions, if that is the case then the church is not serving its purpose. That’s the opposite, it’s not a political party. The problem is your letter is based on suspicion and it’s not easy to say something conclusively when there is no tangible proof.
Yes the pastors’ wives are going on shopping sprees, imi sesangano mari dzenyu dziri kushaikwa here kana kusafambirana nema financial reports? When you give to God, see beyond the pastor. I am not saying people should take what is not theirs, no chitadzo ichocho. My advice is there is freedom of worship in Zimbabwe, you can go and join a church of your choice yaunogutsikana nayo asi gara waziva kuti kumwewo ikoko kunogona kunge kune zvako ungazvipedza here? I suggest you go through the proper protocol at your church and tell them you are not happy with the way the church is being run, make sure you have facts. Please do this amicably without involving people who are not concerned zvinounza zhowe zhowe. Mind you kunamata is not about going to church it’s about your relationship with God, this is what you should concentrate on not kuti church inobhowa kana kunakidza. kereke imba yaMwari so there should be no segregation or sacred cows, all men are equal in the sight of God.
What a greedy father-in-law
My father-in-law is a very greed person. I am human I can only do so much. If he were an honest man he would stand up and testify about what I have done for his family as mukwasha. I don’t want to list what I have done because I did these things out of love and respect. To give just one example I gave him the car he drives. My wife is very humble anotonyara nezvinoitwa nababa vake. We have three lovely kids. The problem is my father-in-law now wants to give me a new lobola list that will be paid in US$. I paid my lobola in full in Zimdollars, we all have records on that. I was shocked and went mad when the go-between (munyai) was sent to communicate this to me. Surely what does this mean? Vari kuda kuedza kuita sei? He says her daughter is doing a lot to my family because she has an executive job. I went to the same university with my wife, it means parents from both sides did the best for their children. Vanga vachida kuroora mwana wavo here? How do I handle this? Please help.
Response
I can feel your anger from the very paper you wrote on. Let’s take your letter blow by blow and let’s start by looking at the positives first. You are happily married and your wife, the mother of your children is a humble woman. She is level-headed that’s why she doesn’t agree with her greedy and selfish father. You are a good mukwasha in your own right looking at what you have done and still doing for your in-laws. My advice is don’t let your father-in-law’s ill behaviour spoil your marriage and good character. Tell the go-between you will not entertain baba’s new US$ lobola list because it’s already a done deal. What kind of a munyai is he? Anotumwa zvinonyadzisa nekushoreka kudaro. Hang on to your paid-up list. Culturally lobola isunga ukama and only a token of appreciation. Lobola is not meant to enrich the in-laws and it should never be commercialised. Lobola is not affected by the change of economy or currency. Please don’t read too much into this otherwise it will bring unnecessary problems into your marriage. Mweya wekuti mwana wangu ari kuita icho necho kwaakarorwa mweya wekuputsa. Lastly, I say just sweep this nonsense under the carpet. Stand your ground, the issue of lobola is water under the bridge. Compliments of the season my friend, dzorai hasha.
I quit cheating on my wife
Mai Chisamba hupenyu hune nharo!
This is a true confession, I have been cheating on my wife for the past three years and for no apparent reason. I just started for the fun of it and then I got stuck. Mai Chisamba, small house yakaoma kana shato yemusango haitevere. I have done things that I am ashamed to put on paper and I will live to regret.
The woman I was going out with was manipulative, evil and heartless. I neglected my wife and my two kids for no good reason, I feel so bad. I nearly lost my job due to absenteeism from work ndiri kuholiday nesmall house, it was my official wife who helped me out.
Ndakadyiwa left, right and centre. In my whole life handina kumbotora chimbadzo but I did it because this woman was always demanding this or that. She is not gainfully employed but her lifestyle is like royalty. Vechimbadzo vakanditorera zvinhu kumba ndatadza kubhadhara but my wife toiled alone and managed to replace some of the stuff. Nyaya yangu ndeye kuti handichada izvi, I want to respect my marriage, ndine 5.11. The problem is this small house is promising to go and confront my wife nenyaya yemwana waanoti ndewangu.
Anoda kuburitsa pachena dzimwe dzehama dzangu dzaaifambidzana nadzo during our courtship including my mother. Please help, what do I do, this will destroy my family and my wife anotsamwa because zvimwe anga asingazvizive. I no longer want to be in this filthy relationship but ma threats awanda. I want to love my wife and kids and concentrate on my work and life. Ndapfidza, never again!
Response
Thank you so much for writing in, for sure hupenyu hune nharo, newewe unadzowo. It’s refreshing to know after all this hullabaloo you remembered your Chapter 5.11 and you want to respect it wakaisa gejo mberi kwemombe. The day you take your wedding vows seriously is the beginning of true love and respect for your spouse right through life kwete kutanga wambodyiwa.
Thank you for your confession and honesty, you went away for the fun of it, you did not play the usual blame game yekuti I was driven out because of this and that. From what you say I can tell that you come from a very dysfunctional family, I can’t imagine your mother of all the people getting involved in this nonsense. What a family! Vaitsvageiko kusmall house, what a shame! Who will guide the family if she gets carried away like this?
Always remember most people marry out of choice and there is no need to behave as if you were pushed into this. I want to say congratulations to you! Mudzimai wako anoshamisa anomira newe panguva yekutadza kwako, she is a very rare breed I must say.
It is my hope that you are no longer interested in your extra-marital affair because you are broke, stressed or confused but because you have realised that it’s wrong. Marriage is like a full-time job inochengetedzwa nekunatsurudzwa every now and then. Before I give you my final advice let me say now that you have learnt your lesson the hardest possible way NEVER look back, muto wetsenza mumwe chete kani.
Go and confess everything to your wife, I know it’s a tall order but that’s the way to go, wanano haina tuma secrets. In so doing you will have to expose your mother and her other allies vaimira newe nenyaya yesmall house. Protect your wife ngashandise mutemo to sue this woman who is threatening to confront her, 5.11 haitendedze magame amotamba aya, it’s one husband and one wife.
Most of this is going to hurt your spouse but she has to continue to be strong. I suggest you as a couple go for professional counselling, this will help you start on a clean slate.
Last but not least, nyika yave nemazino mukarunza munorumwa, kune hurwere hwakakomba hweHIV nezvimewo.
Thank you for boldly coming out in the open. Mwana we small house kana ari wako unomuchengeta, there are no two ways about it, this is what the law of the land says. If need be take the child for DNA tests so that there is no doubt. Good luck.
