The Sunday Mail
My horrible US$100 shame
I am a mother-of-two. I am happily married and a hard-working professional. My husband is gainfully employed and we are comfortable. He is 34 and I am 32.
Our son turned 10 a few weeks ago and we decided to throw a birthday party for him and the two gogos came to grace the occasion. These are my own mum and my husband’s. We had a wonderful time.
We did the norm and prepared some grocery baskets for our parents. We gave each US$50 for upkeep but let me confess: I secretly put an extra US$100 in my mother’s basket tucked in a teabag box ndikaisa mukatsamba kakanzi “shandisai makanyarara”.
Me and my husband come from the same rural area. Our homes are about 30km apart so it’s very convenient we drove them back home on the same day.
My problem Mai Chisamba is the parcels were swapped by mistake so the basket with the extra US$100 ended up with my mother in-law.
I talked to my mother and she confirmed there was nothing in hers.
I am so worried both my mother-in-law and husband have not said anything.
Ndaremerwa I just do not know what to do now. How do I ask? Kunyara kunokunda kufa mufunge. I have never done anything like this – it’s my very first time.
I just wanted to spoil my mother for once. What will my husband think about? Do you think my mother in-law will mention it?
We are a peace-loving family izvi hazvizokonzeresa here
izvi?
I have cooked up so many answers in my mind but nobody has asked me anything. I promise I will never do anything like this please help and put my mind at rest.
Response
When the boat is moving smoothly it is wise not to rock it. What I do not understand is why do you have to make it a grave secret to help your parent?
These people are not twins you can assist them depending on what you have and as to what individual needs at that time.
Kunyepa is a cancer and is capable of destroying any marriage. Even if your mother had seen the extra cash what impression would she have about your marriage?
Instead of enjoying the money she will also try to figure out why yaita sekunge yabiwa.
Why do you not want to acknowledge such a good deed? You confuse the parents and you create unnecessary problems for yourself.
Each marriage is unique you set your standards and parameters for yourself.
My advice is if your husband has not discovered it yet the best way is to confess and tell him the truth.
The problem with lying is it is not easy to repeat manyepo when you have to retell the story. It is not easy but the truth is the only way out.
To men and women out there if you cannot leave your mother or family please do not get married.
Wanano haisi yekuti vekwangu vanofanira kuguta kana kufara kupfuura vekwako. Kamoto kamberevere kanopisa matanda ari mberi. You are in a happy and peaceful union and now you want to cause trouble.
I know you are asking
yourself how this mistake came about, all I can tell you is this is how life works the person you wanted to disadvantage is the one who benefited.
Lastly this should serve as a life lesson, never do anything behind your spouse’s back. Master your courage and tell him what you did.
***
Is this a friend or a Judas?
My childhood friend is like a sister to me. We have been friends since we were in primary school. We are both married and have kids.
Our husbands are friends because of us and this has spilled to our children as well. I am 37 and my husband is 38. My friend and I have been so tight, I cry on her shoulder and she does the same. Our families call us twins.
Last month for the first time in our marriage I picked a quarrel with my hubby because I had found out through the grape vine that he was cheating on me. He apologised and we promised to keep this to ourselves because we did not want the family to be involved.
After a few days I felt I could not keep this away from my beloved friend. I poured out my heart to her and even told her what I intended doing if my husband did not keep his word.
We chatted on WhatsApp about this. Little did I know that my friend was forwarding these to my hubby. I had confided in my friend. I had told her things that my husband never knew.
I got the shock of my life when he showed me the chats. I just could not believe it. I just said “why?”
There is tension between me and my husband. My friend is behaving as if everything is normal. I feel like punching her in the face. Ndoita sei Mai Chisamba, how do I handle this? Should I tell her husband zvaanondiudzawo here tinyure tese? I see she wants to play the saint.
Response
This is betrayal at its worst, proper Judas style. Why would she do such a thing after you upgraded your friendship to sisterhood? What happened to the twins? What a way to fall from grace. Kupunza chirongo masvika chaiko.
Your friend has messed up but the person to blame here is yourself. After you accepted your husband’s apology you promised each other never to let anyone else know – so what happened?
Why did you go back on this? Murume wako akatadza, cheating on a spouse is one of the worst things a partner can do.
I always talk about these dirty love triangles in the wake of HIV and Aids. I am glad that in your marriage the communication doors are still open hence you sat down and discussed this issue with your hubby.
You had the chance of pouring out and asking any relevant questions but you thought otherwise and reserved some issues for your friend, chionaka!
You should never have any skeletons in your cupboards because it has never aided any marriage. What is it that you would do if he did not keep his word? That information was for him not your friend.
You had a very strong case against him but you watered it down. Your hubby feels betrayed by you and you feel betrayed by your twin saka zvakuita kunge munhu wese atadzirwa apa and yet it is you and hubby.
Trust but not too much, there is a danger in confiding in people who are not trained to do so, tsindidzo haiburitswe.
Forwarding chats to your husband without your approval is no better than back-stabbing. I do not understand why people continue to abuse social media. I suspect your twin is up to no good mutengesi akakwana zvakapedziswa.
My advice is talk about this with your husband and your friend together with her hubby as well. Do not expose her do not ever talk about whatever she told you in confidence that’s taboo. Be the bigger person nyaya yekunyura mese haivake.
You all need to calm down then talk as adults and friends. You need to pray for your families and friendship otherwise the devil will have a field day. I hope you will be able to truly forgive each other and start on a clean slate. I wish you all the best.
***
Landlady abuses tenants’ children
Urombo uroyi. When you are a lodger at times you are treated as a toy. Most landladies behave as if they own their lodgers.
We are belittled and treated as useless and yet without us some would not afford a meal. I will be very honest Mai Chisamba, we took up our current lodgings because of desperation. I am even ashamed when I look at the dirt and the incomplete house we live in.
I know it is a stepping stone but zvimwe kuzvirasa chaiko. I am married my husband is 26 and I am 24, we are blessed with a six-year-old son. My reason for writing to you is I know that among the many things that you stand for you also actively take part in children’s rights.
Our landlady is ill-treating our kids vanorova vana vema lodger neshamhu kana maoko day in and day out. Her reasons for this range from kutsika maruva, kutamba bhora near windows, kugeza neshower and so many silly reasons.
If you complain she will ask you to leave there and then. Is this fair? Accommodation is hard to come by as a result we are being ill-treated by people who have dilapidated houses zvimwe zvidzimba zvacho zvinenge zvimadhirihora efodya.
Mai Chisamba, we are worried about our kids please come to our rescue. It is hard to put your mind on the job when you are not sure whether your child is safe or not back home. Please assist.
Response
First things first: beating children up is against the law of the land. Some kids have been killed or maimed because of this practice.
It does not matter whether you are using a stick, your hands or whatever imhosva inosungisa. You should report her to the law enforcement agents she must be brought to book. I will also refer you to some organisations that are child advocates. Kurova is not training the children at all instead kutovaita nhinhi (hard cores).
If an animal can be trained to dance, to greet or to do so many other things obviously a child can supersede this. Instead the landlady should teach the children to be appreciative of their surroundings and be involved in taking care of the flower garden.
They can carry water in small cans and water them before you know it, it becomes their hobby. You can introduce colours using the flowers to the younger kids and the children will love it kwete kungobinha vana.
Conservation of water and taking care of our resources can be an interesting lesson for small kids. I am shocked that you stay there and yet no lease was drawn and signed by both you and the landlady why?
If you do not have this document then you are vulnerable, you can be kicked out willy-nilly. It is your right to ask for a lease monyorerana zvamunobvumirana before you move in, that is the way to go.
I am happy for your concern over your child and other kids, the landlady has no right to lift a finger against these children. Last but not least you were not forced to go and stay at this dirty and incomplete homestead, it was your choice.
There is an adage which says ane ganda ane nyama hazvienzane nekudya nehowa. Saka vane dhirihora ravo vari nani, kana imiwo ndiko kumba kwamugere regai henyu kushora. What I encourage you to do as a young couple is when you buy your own place make sure it is cosy. Your relationship with your landlady should not be antagonistic – you need each other. For now let us work on the children’s safety. I will be happy to hear from you again.
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