Mai Chisamba: ‘Women are full of lame excuses’

Mai Chisamba
Mai Chisamba

 MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba

‘Women are full of lame excuses’

I hope I find you well. I enjoy your column so much and I follow it religiously. I read with keen interest the letter from the guy who is still dreaming about his old flame.

If the truth be told he is not the only one, madzimai akawanda vakangoroorwa they cease to be exciting hameno kuti chii, vanopinda comfort zone yemanga-manga. Izvo zvekunzi we don’t ask them out that’s not hundred percent true, vanoramba. When they get married vanoita graduate pakupa ma excuses, musoro uri kurwadza, ndaneta, he! Vana, he! vaenzi, he! Kubasa, he! Mabasa epamba and all sorts of nonsense, rwunoita serwiyo and the poor husband is expected to comply with this.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t encourage nyaya dzema small house (girlfriends) because of problems associated with this practice e.g HIV and Aids nezvimwewo zvakawanda zvinoputsa musha. Ikoko kusmall house hakuna maexcuses ese awa. I confess ndakambozviita after my wife had really driven me against the wall. Some of these women vemumba just play hard to get, zvizhinji hamuwirirane saka wotadza hako kurota nekufunga zvimwe here? I know you will say ko munomboroorana sei?

Yes tinoroorana because one is misled during courtship, unotozoshama kuti ndiye munhu uya here. Everyone wants to be in a happy union so zvinoitwa sei given the facts on the ground?

Response

Thank you so much for reading our column and for writing in. Thank you again for being so honest, it really takes a brave man to confess that you once cheated on your wife. Whatever the case was two wrongs don’t make a right, tikashaya muriwo kwawo hatibike sadza neminzwa kuti chero tadya, nyika yava nemazino munorumwa.

Now to the women you talked about, it’s very unfortunate that most of them forget or have forgotten the core business of a marriage institution. Zvavave kumhanyira-mhanyira zvinounza maexcuses zvinhu zvinongobatsiridza muwanano asi handiwo musimboti wacho. Wanano chikamu chehupenyu chinofanira kuunza mufaro nekuwadzana.

Ladies, I know there is a lot to be done but please make time for your spouse. We will not make progress if spouses are always complaining about each other. Our focus should be the way forward for a happy marriage. There should be no room for the so-called comfort zone.

Wanano haichemberi nekuti inosimbiswa nerudo. Vanhu ngavarambe vachivandudzika mukutsvaka zvinovavaka, nyangwe mukupokana spouses should come out with positives.

Nyaya yema moods nekunetsana inopedzwa kana vanhu vakaziva communication sechombo. Thinking about old flames or the good old days hazvina betsero, it’s water under the bridge.

Ngatinatsei nhasi wedu, ivai bhande nebhurukwa pane zvinokodzera. Marriage is not a platform yema games ekuvharana. Love is a job, you have to always work on it.

Kufunga zvakare kutadza kuda zvawakabata, matakadya kare haanyaradze mwana. Marriage is only a continuation, so there is no need to long for the courtship days sezvinogumira ikoko.

Kudanana, kurezvana, kuremekedzana even tuma pillow talks muchisekedzana zvinorapa. Kwete kurara makatsamwidzana kunge mumagumbeze mapinda gava, zvinoitawo here? Enjoy your marriages, enjoy each other. Good luck.

‘Is this normal?’

Mai Chisamba how are you? Thank you very much for this platform. Mine is not a big problem but it’s something that has been bothering me now for some time. Maiguru vangu, my mother’s sister, vakauya kuno kuHarare vanosvikira kumba kwangu and never kwemwana wavo asi iye achigarawo muno. Handina mhosva nehurongwa uhu, but something at the back of my mind tells me kuti mwana wavo hazvinyatsomuitira.

Haasati ambovhunza, anouya nemhuri yake vovaona, ivowo tinomboenda navo kana ari maweekends, asi havarariko, havadi kugarako. Mai vangu vanoti there is nothing wrong about this.

Mukadzi wanguwo anongoita seni kungoremerwa nazvo. Would I be wrong if I asked why this is so? Please help, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I get on so well with my cousin, mwana wavo, so handidi kuti zviite sendisiri kuvada.

RESPONSE

Thank you very much for your letter. I agree with your mother, there is nothing wrong with this arrangement. The reason why you think this is abnormal is because muri kukura muchiona kusawirirana kwakadai mumhuri dzakakupoteredzai.

Nguva yedu and the way we were brought up hapana kana nyaya. Kare vana mai vaingove ana mai and the same navana baba, izvi zvekuti maiguru, mainini, babamudiki and babamukuru zvaive zvishoma.

Kwavari uri mwana wavo zvakaperera, regai zvakadaro. Hapana ati ambozvibvunza, saka iwe nemukadzi wako regai kupinza mweya usiriwo mumhuri.

Vana mai venyu vese vapenyu, zvinoratidza kuwirirana. Apo neapo ungangovapa sekurudziro kuti kana vana mai vese vaviri varipo vomboendawo kunoisa hope kumwana wavo kuti zvisakuremedzei. For now I suggest you let sleeping dogs lie unless you smell a rat.

It’s a good sign kana vaenzi vachiuya pamusha penyu zvinoratidza mufaro. Muongororo ihama shoma dzichiri kufambirana, ukaona pamba paine vanhu vazhinji vanenge vari vekuchechi.

Hukama humwe hwakunge mapolitical organisations kwatovewo nema faction mutsauko ndewe kuti vanenge vasina mauniform. Nemoyo wangu wese ndinoti you are doing well, keep it up.

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  • Mimi

    Mai Chisamba is now failing to get the point, mumarriage it is not all about bonde chete but there sometimes have to be issues to be solved and discussed and most men shy from this. At times it is because a man just does not want to get involved, lacks the stamina to put a stop to pending issues or just does not want to shoulder responsibility. Truth is that chakafukidza dzimba matenga and it is not only sex that makes things work mumba. It would be good if Mai Chisamba will stop trying to play tete vasina direction but hit the snake in the head. At Mai Chisamba’s age is she telling us that she only cares about pleasing her “husband in bed” and ignore everything else. I BEG TO DIFFER with this type of approach.