In-laws stirring trouble at home

I am 36 and my husband is 39. We are blessed with two boys and a girl. We have been married for ten years. The truth is I do not know how to describe these years. We have our highs and lows.

We have been staying with two of my brothers-in-law. They both failed O-Level so my husband is helping them study privately, but they are a notorious team.

They are so spoilt that whenever they want something they do not ask, they just take. At times I prepare food in bulk and store in the fridge so that when we prepare meals we do not start from scratch but they just take it and eat it.

It is such an inconvenience and when I ask where the food will have gone the answer is always tadya. I do not think they will be hungry. I think they do it to spite me.

I tried to talk to my husband and his response was unreasonable: he said regai vanhu vasununguke. If we eat in the absence of my spouse he will ask them in my presence kuti maguta here?

Amai this is breaking my heart. Zvino zvaari madofo when are they going to pass and go back home? They are so wasteful they do not even think of the kids. If I store anything in the bedroom fridge they complain to their brother kuti I hide food from them.

My husband and I are civil servants. I think that sums up that we run on a tight budget. Takuvara nezvimbadzo trying to make ends meet. We cannot have people who are so greedy.

Can you imagine they even eat cereal after supper just to prove that the food was not enough. They are excited about joy rides; kungomutsa mota they jump in.

I am fed up. All my children are now in one bedroom because they share the other. They do not do anything profitable. If they are not eating or sleeping on the sofa listening to music or disturbing the gardener.

Ndaneta amai. How do I get my husband to see that this is wrong? Most of the time he sits in a corner and observes quietly. My kids miss the lifestyle they were used to and I feel sorry for them.

Kumusha we had to employ a guy who assists my in-laws since these two are now here. Life is tough; it is from hand to mouth, zvikwereti hobho. This is affecting our marriage very much. Please help.

Response
You are still a very young couple. The issue yechimbadzo made me very sad. I know the times are hard but once you get into these arrangements it is not easy to come out.

In some cases you end up losing what you will have worked for after failing to pay back. Rimwe zita racho chinonzi mufakose. You have three lovely kids. You have to invest in their future now.

I do not know whose idea it was to bring vana babamudiki vese kutown. It really does not make sense because you are just piling more responsibilities on yourselves while you are deep in zvikwereti.

Now instead of saving the little you have, you now pay debts and the guy helping out at home. It is like trying to fill a leaking bucket with water. In my view they do not need to stay with you in order to study; they should just commit to do that even at their house.

If they are not very smart then they should join a proper study group so that their progress is monitored. You are family, you can talk about your life openly. Tell them what you are going through so that they appreciate it.

Your husband should stop playing big: people who have made it in life are not seen anywhere near chimbadzo. This is a sign that you should manage your resources with care.

Sleeping on sofas in the lounge is very bad manners; they do not need a rocket scientist to tell them that. These guys are a lazy and greedy lot. If you decide to keep them then get a part time gardener and cut down on costs. Vana babamudiki can take turns to help out.

Your husband is contributing to the problems you are having instead of steadying the boat. Why ask kuti vaguta here sekunge vanonyimwa? That’s awful.

You do not need an outsider to put this right; it is your husband who is off-track. Tell them that they should ask if they want something.  Each household has its own rules, this is one of the most common and should be adhered to. Culturally they should address maiguru not mukoma.

Do not let this affect your marriage. These are your brothers-in-law. Have a family meeting and iron out these issues. If they want a good life they must study hard and work for it.

I think the best for them is to go back home and start from there. In the meantime reduce chimbadzo. Pray for your family sincerely. There is immense power in prayer.

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