Forced to stay kumusha

Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I am a retired woman in my mid 60s, my husband is retired too. We are blessed with three sons and two daughters who are all married and we have a dozen grandkids.

My kids have all teamed up against me and I feel so angry. After we retired my husband proposed that we go and stay at our rural home and do a bit of farming. I worked as a nurse all my life and my husband was a headmaster. The truth is I do not like staying kumusha and the lifestyle that comes with it. Even if they built me a house of gold I would not go there. I do not mind visiting for a day, but staying there on a permanent basis is a no for me.

We had a meeting with all our children before baba went to stay at the rural home. They all supported the idea yekumusha and they all blamed me for saying no. They treated me as if I had no right to choose where I wanted to stay.

After a week ndakaitirwa manyemwe, they (my kids) came with groceries and escorted baba kumusha. I hear they employed a married couple to help around the house. It has been a year since my husband abandoned me and went to stay kumusha and not any one of my children have come to see me since. They go there every now and then to see their father. When he visits he just goes to their homes and does not stick around with me. What does this mean? Does it mean our children caused this separation? Are they pushing me in the corner so that I do what I do not feel like doing?

Maroja eku cottage nevanhu vekuchurch ndidzo dzava hama dzangu. They do not give me anything, my only income is my small pension and money from the cottage. What can I do to knock sense into their heads? Even if you see me I am not a rural person. I want to rest, I worked all my life, vachandifunga.

Response

Thanks for writing in. I will speak to you as a fellow senior citizen. Ko sei makuputsa chirongo masvika? You have done so well bringing up such a large family and you now have a dozen grandkids. Please be a good role model and encourage the family to do likewise. Marriage is full of compromises, most women left their homes, some of these homes were actually better than those they entered into with their spouses.

A large number of women use their husband’s names, dropping their maiden names. Men also make their compromises but I will not dwell on those at this juncture. For now, I want to deal with you the writer of the letter. In my view all people are equal.

I think it is mean to say that even If I were to see you I would be able to tell kuti hamusi munhu wekumaruwa. Why are you so bitter about kumusha that even if they build a house of gold there you will not go?

You have worked all your life now is the time to enjoy marriage and family away from the pressures of work. These days technology is everywhere and you can blossom wherever you are. I am surprised you talked about the church. It encourages families to stay together but you are doing the opposite.

I feel you are punishing yourself, the fact that you have written to my column and you are concerned about your family says it all. You may say you do not care but inwardly you do. You miss them and they miss you too. Why do you not swallow your pride and extend the olive branch. If you cannot do it alone talk to your priest/pastor, he will stand as a broker.

Respect your marriage and go join baba. lf you do not want try visiting for longer than a day and see how it goes. Vakuwasha nevaroora would want to learn from you, the backbone of the family. Yes, you exercised your right but it has left you feeling lonely and angry. A house is not a home, if your family and loved ones do not frequent your house it loses its value.

Given that you have no need to always be in town such as pressing business meetings or a specific medical condition that requires you to stay close to your doctor, I think you should give it a try. Sit down as family and iron this amicably, mbereko inorwadza kani vasikana. Life is very short, enjoy it while it lasts. Pray sincerely for the reunion of your family. I wish you all the best.

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  • tee cee

    mai ava vanopenga munhu achembera kudaro vachada kugara mu twn vachiitei nxaa

    • ZimSummer

      Don’t be too judgmental. She didn’t grow in the rural areas so why should she go stay there now? The old need to be close to facilities where they can get assistance for their many ailments.

      • tee cee

        munhu unotererawo murume wako we dnt expect such arguments to old pple se ava kana vasingazvide zvekugarako zvachose like the advise yapiwa she shld visit more often