Fiancé wants a break

Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I was going out with the love of my life for the past two years. We promised to have our traditional marriage in June this year.

He had said we would start with the normal procedure of having official introductions on both sides, then map the way forward. We are both gainfully employed, he is 27 and I am 26.

Whenever we had time we would make it a point that we have lunch together. The past two years were full of love and fun.

My problem now is my boyfriend has changed. He no longer phones me; I do so always. He does not text or even send WhatsApp messages as he used to.

Since the beginning of this year so much has changed but I just cannot put a finger on it. We are now towards end of February and we have not gone out on a date or just to watch a movie.

Is he seeing someone else and why?

In most cases when I see him online I try to chat with him but his answers are just one-word answers. At times he does not respond. I have also discovered that he now has a new line but he did not tell me. I got this number from his friend when I could not locate him.

I do not know what I would do without this guy.

I asked him if I had done anything wrong he said no, so I am just puzzled. The worst part came last week when he sent a message which implies that he wants to be left alone for now.

He states that if — and only if — he decides for us to continue dating after this break then maybe we might go back to the way things were.

Now he does not communicate with me at all. I just do not get the meaning of this. I finally sent him an email to ask why things were the way they were, he replied and said he needed his space and I should respect that.

Do you think we will have the introductions we talked about and have our traditional marriage in time?

Ndaimbodanana nefriend yake akandida ndikaramba shamwari yake. Could this be related to why he wants us to go on a break now? This guy is now my friend on Facebook. I am just confused please help.

Response

As I was reading your letter I wondered what could have taken place because you seemed like the perfect couple.

This guy has asked for a break until further notice. Ko love ine recess here? Why does he want this break when you are supposed to get married soon? I smell a rat.

You were in love with his friend first then akakutora and you agreed. It is not wise to do so. You got this guy easily because he was someone you used to see and talk to. Easy come, easy go.

You did not tell me whether they remained friends or not but how can he ever trust you?

I think he has weighed the options and he may have decided to get rid of you. All these are just assumptions. I might be wrong.

The guy who was your boyfriend is now just your friend on Facebook? It does not make sense to me, maybe I am old school. Why are you recycling the same people?

He wants to be given his space, did you ask him for how long? What happens if he does not come back to you?

I urge you to respect his decision that he needs his space. Dating is about communicating, if that is no longer in existence then it means there is no love.

When someone is online it does not mean that they want to chat with everyone. It is not a must to respond; ko kana ari busy?

I may sound harsh but in my view, I do not think he is still interested in you. The choice is yours if you want to wait and hear from him after this break.

How would you feel if you see him together with his friend? Even if you were to get married, I do not think you would last long judging from the way you met.

What is to stop you from getting swept away by another friend of his in the future? I would be happy to hear from you again.

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