2014 in retrospect

The year 2014 will be remembered – and for a long time to come for that matter – for the missing Malaysian Airlines, Flight MH370.

The events surrounding its disappearance still dominate social discussions up to this day, some eight months after it disappeared. May the souls aboard MH370 rest in peace.

Books have been written, conspiracies have been woven – and none of these have been proven so far.

Equally attempting to do a book this past year was one Shepherd Mutamba, at one time Oliver Mtukudzi’s trusted lieutenant, who took advantage of his time behind the scenes within the Mtukudzi circles to write an unofficial biography, which according to his promise, must be published by Wednesday.

But rumour is swirling (what is with Harare and rumour?) that the book might never see the light of day.

Whether there is truth or not in that is something else, as equally are suggestions that some Benjamins might have changed hands (not quite sure in which direction, though the theories of osmosis and/or diffusion tend to favour in the direction of the less dense).

Whereas, that is if, Mtukudzi managed to handle his personal matters such that they don’t become issues of national discourse, Alick Macheso was failing in that front.

In what might have started as a simple, family misunderstanding, soon took so much prominence that in the end, the sungura musician became a subject of ridicule.

Social media, to an extent, had a hand in raising the tensions in the Macheso households, and within hours of the holy matrimony between Alick and Tafadzwa breaking down, jokes were awash as to the sizes and strengths of human parts which for long have been considered un-African subjects of discussion.

To which the musician countered, arguing that the kids born out of that wedlock could not possibly have been his.

A paternity test, ordered by the courts, proved him to be the father, to which he further argued that the results could have been tampered with.

It was not only the Triple D (Dora, DNA and Divorce) that visited the Macheso household this past year, which must rank as one of the most forgettable for them, for they were, in August that is, united in the holy matrimony of their eldest daughter, Sharon, to one Kuda Munetsi.

But before the Macheso and Munetsi families had finished licking the wedding cake off their fingers, which social media rated as the worst wedding cake of the year, there were murmurs of a disharmony in the Sharon-Kuda household.

It started as a joke and was soon to gain momentum, such that by the time the young couple was before the courts, accusing each other of sins as diverse as sniffing snuff, possessed by spirits of ancient women, always high on dollar-a-kick stuff, the nation thought it might have heard enough from Macheso and Company, probably the best circus company of the year.

But in scenes that were to replicate his father-in-law, Kuda was singing the paternity chorus when Sharon announced in court that she was two months pregnant.

Those who have a penchant of peeping into glass balls say we have not heard the last from the Macheso family – that 2015 looks set to deliver more of the edge-of-the-seat stuff.

Jah Prayzah: the good, the bad and the ugly.

When the year opened, it was a sure bet that Jah was taking over from Suluman Chimbetu, in those man-of-the-moment battles.

The other year, 2013 that is, Sulu had eclipsed almost every other artistes in scooping several awards at the annual National Arts Merit Awards.

Predictably, Jah was to be the man-of-the-moment, given the popularity that Tsviriyo enjoyed. And for good measure he scooped most of the awards at this past February’s Bulawayo event.

Then the nation knew little, that the massive reaping of awards was to be with a little bit of help from some Ghanaian musician.

It only emerged later in the year that he had copied, note for note, a song by Emmanuel Samini, who released his hit song in 2007.

In later interviews, he acknowledged that he had been “inspired” by the Ghanaian song, though he never knew it had been a recorded song (more like Clinton’s “I smoked but didn’t enhale”).

There have been calls for him to return the Nama award he won on the strength of the video to that song, Sisi Makachena.

Zimbabweans will also remember 2014 as the year that dancehall took to the fore, ushering in a lot of “stars” overnight. Hitherto unknown names like Kinna, Killer T, Soul Jah Love became everyday choruses.

If Ita Seunononga saw 2013 off, a mixed bag of hits welcomed 2014.

What was peculiar about the genre, though, was its propensity for violence, foul (and hate) language and drunken binges.

This was the perceived perception of dancehall until Tocky Vibes walked onto the scene, with a priestly image. Or so it seemed.

Amid growing fears, albeit of a social media nature, that he was about to “run away with the country”, and that he was only stopped at the airport, ready for departure, whence his world started collapsing spectacularly around him.

From being a stiff-necked musician, to being big-headed, the expletives started flowing in and moreso when he recently failed to live up to the billing at the Shutdown gig.

Before that he had reportedly refused to perform, arguing that the crowd was too small for him.

Sensing that Tocky might end up being the only one to “run away with the country” and take away all the glory, Makanaka Wakatama, long forgotten by a largely unforgiving nation, especially when it comes to sins of a sexual nature, she tried to make a comeback into the limelight, through the launch of the Makanaka Trust.

What became of that Trust is still a mystery, pretty mysterious as what became of her previous marriage. Or were they marriages?

Still on issues to do with the carnal, Tinopona Katsande who made headlines the other year, 2013 that is, through a leaked sex video (roundly condemned a poor two out of 10), nearly made it into Big Brother Africa this year.

Whether that near-miss was in any part due to the leaked video or not is for debate some other day.

On the other hand, she said she lost the opportunity because of a missing passport.

Maybe if she had her passport with her, she might have gone to show Africa what she was made of.

Pokello Nare, a housemate from the 2013 Big Brother Africa, who might have inspired Tino to make her own sex tape, was all over this news bulletins this year, thanks to what seemed like a glowing relationship borne with the Big Brother house.

As the year came to a close, social media, always at the forefront of breaking news these days, was announcing the break-up of the Pollikem affair. Sob, sob . . . it turned out he wasn’t Prince Charming after all.

As much as Tino was missing on Big Brother, JJ (a virtual unknown in Harare’s social circles) and Butterphly (a Power FM’s DJ) made it to the reality show.

Though Butterphly might have missed on the grand prize, the consolation for her must have been her elevation from the graveyard shifts she was doing, to now hosting the Breakfast Show.

And in a rare occurrence, the Big Brother house caught fire just on the eve of the launch of the show, meaning its start had to be re-scheduled, meaning instead of the usual 91 days, we ended up with 63 days.

And the Harare International Festival of the Arts is now like a scar on the forehead, more like a tattoo on the national psyche.

Thus every April thousands of arts enthusiasts look forward to the arts jamboree.

And this year, little did they expect that Freshlyground, to be the closing and highlight act of the festival, was to run into a myriad of problems.

Just like Mutamba’s much-awaited biography of Mtukudzi, Hifa had promised that by December 31, which is like three days away, they would have brought the band back for a one-off performance. Fans are still waiting.

At least Freshlyground were deported, or failed to meet the necessary immigration requirements. John Legend, in spite of a heavily appreciated marketing programme, announced in mid-year that, though he was coming to South Africa, he was not going to make it to Zimbabwe.

The reasons were varied and many, from the Ebola scare to that Bob Marley never lived for more than a year after visiting Zimbabwe (or that Akon never made another hit song after visiting Zimbabwe) but some, there are always conspiracy theorists, thought it was a gimmick by the show promoters to milk unsuspecting revellers off their money.

The same could not be said of the Bryan Adams show, though there were some who saw a racist approach to the marketing and angling of the show.

Whatever conclusions were reached, Adams came, and to a full house, left indelible memories to those who managed to attend the show.

You always save the saddest for last. Pretty Xaba, a favourite of many Zimbabwean households as Mai Muwengwa, came out of the closet in mid-year, telling the nation that she had cancer of the oesophagus.

Prayers and fund-raising activities were held to help her realize her dream of getting the treatment in India. Sadly, it was not to be.

On the first Saturday of December, she bade farewell to her fans, most who would have wanted to see her come back alive and healthy.

Still on Pretty Xaba, her going to India was on the back of the benevolence of Prophet Magaya, who donated $18 000 (cash) for her to travel and for medical expenses.

Those hard-to-please might have seen Prophet Magaya’s actions as “make-up” in light of the relationship that he had with Beverley Sibanda at the beginning of the year.

The crystal balls are still out as to what 2015 holds. We will just have to wait and see.