The Sunday Mail
The first problem is that many of today’s women are too choosy. It is not like they don’t get men who want to marry them but they have made the process so complicated for themselves.
I met a certain girl some years back whom I really wanted to marry had she said “yes” to my proposal. We became friends first and then made my proposal.
She was 26 by then and she frankly said “no” to my proposal. She said she had three things that she wanted in a man and her rejection of my proposal was because I didn’t have two of these three.
She said she wanted a man who was at least 1,8m tall (of which I was 1,7m!) Second, I wasn’t rich enough to marry her. She was very frank about it.
I tried to tell her about my vision but she said, “I don’t buy into visions because a vision might never come true. I need someone who is already successful”.
I accepted defeat because I wasn’t what she wanted. I realised she was so determined to get what she wanted. She even said to me, “Brian, I know what I want and I will get what I want”.
I had met her in church so she really believed that God was going to give her this kind of a man she was praying for.
When I realised that I couldn’t get her, I stopped pursuing her but we became close friends and with time she started calling me “my brother”. She then turned 27, then turned 28, then turned 29, then turned 30 still single and still praying for the same man.
She only increased her prayers by even attending famous preacher’s churches. She became very radical but the guy she was praying for never came. She got so frustrated and started losing her faith in God.
When she turned 31 she started missing church and eventually she was impregnated by someone who was not even the guy she was praying for all these years. He wasn’t rich, wasn’t tall and to make matters worse they never got married.
How did this happen? Maybe she became desperate but she lost her faith in God. So she became a single mother, that was the end of her. Why was she so choosy in the first place? Did she get what she wanted?
Were her prayers ever answered? Were good men like me with good intentions not coming to her? I noticed she had exaggerated herself. She had given herself a certain value but never attracted men based on that value. She used to say statements like “I know my worthy, I know what I can bring on the table”.
Today we have so many women like her. They get so many chances but they are very unrealistic and they have pride. Almost every men is called “not my type”. We now have a growing number of women who don’t understand humility, that one have to start from the ground.
If you look at almost every successful person, they started with nothing but made it, maybe after 10 years into marriage. Whilst some women want men that are already rich, usually these men are already rich because they are have been married for some time.
You hear some of the girls saying, “I want an Obama in my life,” forgetting that when Obama met Mitchell, he was a student and Mitchell was a practising lawyer. Mitchell had every right to say no to Obama because she was already working, with a good job yet Obama was still a student. Mitchell was a visionary. She saw success before it even happened.
Some women get chances but they are too choosy. They simply wake up one day and realise “no-one still pursues them anymore”, because there is a time for everything.
It is wise to get a partner when one is around 25 years and the process gets complicated as one grows beyond that. Men generally want to marry young women. If one grows they start asking questions like where was she? She must have “played” a lot, maybe with a terrible history.
Age is still an issue in Zimbabwe as many men prefer marrying women that are below 25. A growing number of men these days have no problem with sub-30 women but for those above 30, the process starts to get difficult. A miracle might be needed
A miracle is needed there. Our men marry early as well. Most of Zimbabwean men marry before they are 30. So women above 30 struggle to get single men, then those that are still single date younger women who are in their early 20s.
The other issue is that things are changing. Our fathers married our mothers who had nothing. Men today don’t know how to handle successful women and at the same time successful women don’t know how they can fit in a marriage context.
Men love a situation where they make rules. They are not prepared to marry anyone who is so independent or someone who is into equal rights. A woman might say “I have my own money you can’t tell me what to do”.
Most of our men are not prepared to marry a woman like that. The world has evolved but honour, submission and respect that Zimbabwean men want hasn’t changed.
So we see successful women struggling to get married as many men are still going through the evolution process. They don’t know how to handle a successful woman. Successful women should also know for sure it’s one thing to be successful and it’s another thing to be attractive.
Success will not change the laws of attraction. Men are and will always be attracted to good morals. No men would want to marry a woman who behaves like another man. Men want authority. Any woman who fails to understand this usually struggles to get married.
Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach and can be contacted on [email protected]
