The Sunday Mail
I am a 39-year-old man and married to a hard working woman. We have two teenage daughters and have been staying at our family house since my parents decided to go and stay at their rural home five years ago. I am the eldest son.
Our standing arrangement allows me to stay at the premises rent-free. Instead, I only pay rates and do all the necessary maintenance. It is a very neat three-bedroomed house in a high-density area with a well-kept flower and vegetable garden. Visitors are always knocking at our gate and some of them overstay their welcome.
The word from the grapevine is it is a family house so any member of the family at large should be welcome to stay here.
This may be true, but I buy my own groceries and I furnished the entire house. My wife is suggesting that we look for alternative accommodation because the visitors are straining our pockets and some of them are very distant.
At times, we live in fear we cannot trust everyone. Amai, I do not know how to stop this and how my parents would take it if we left the house. My parents are not big on lodgers because some of them do not look after property well. Amai, what do you think is best for us?
Response
They say if it is not broken then do not fix it. This arrangement is working well for you and your parents so there is no problem there.
The problem arises from the relatives and visitors who have become entitled to staying at your home as if it were a hotel.
The simple solution is to man up. Start turning them away and advise them to notify you in due time if they need to be accommodated. They walk all over you because you allow it. Occasionally, it is good to host visitors, but the current economic situation will not allow you to do this excessively.
The moment relatives realise your new and firm approach, they will fall in line. Also, consult your parents and siblings. Something tells me they may be directing unnecessary traffic your way. Inform them how financially straining it is for you. I wish you all the best.
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I have not been
paid in four months
I am a 20-year-old housemaid who is being unfairly treated. I did not do well when I sat for my Ordinary Level examinations.
I just managed to get two C passes. I am very smart and can perfectly do most household chores without supervision. My parents are ordinary peasants and my background is poor. I asked my parents if I could go and work as a maid in town so that I could raise money to supplement the subjects I did not do well in.
My aunt in town organised work for me and we agreed on the remuneration. I have been working for the past four months, but I have not been given any cash. The first month I was given four old blankets to keep and that was the salary settlement. For the other months, I was given second hand clothes, jerseys and jackets, which she bought from mabhero.
I know I may not have some of these things, but what my boss is doing is not serving the purpose of why I came to work. It is not the arrangement. I am hurting and I feel like going back home. My parents and siblings are looking up to me. How best do I set myself free from this modern day slavery? I talked to my aunt and she promised to have a word with her, but up to now she has not. Should I run away?
Response
I think you are being taken for a ride. The fact that you continue to work when you are not being paid is astonishing. There are domestic worker organisations I will help you to get in touch with. They can help fight your case. It is unfortunate that you are being taken advantage of. I wonder what your aunt’s role in all this is? She seems unbothered.
Inform your employer that you are going back home unless she pays you what you are due. I think this is a toxic work environment that really will not serve you well. Work on getting paid what you are owed and seek favourable employment. Inform those back home that the conditions were so bad, you had no choice but to leave. I wish you all the best.
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I don’t know which lover to pick
Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 21-year-old woman in love with two guys. My reason for double-crossing them is if one lets me down then I have another one to chart a way forward. The one I love most is the one who stays near our house. The problem is he never talks about marriage or our future life.
Comparatively speaking, he is very mean because he never gives me any gifts. The other one comes every month to see me, he gives me money and he remembers my birthday. He makes an effort to come from the other side of town to where I stay. He bought me an expensive phone as a birthday present in May. To my surprise, the other guy envies my phone and has asked to borrow it on several occasions.
My second choice wants us to talk about marriage, but I beat about the bush because I want to give the other one the first chance. Please help. Am I doing the correct thing and for how long am I going to wait?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. The truth of the matter is that you are double-crossing yourself. Marriage is based on monogamy and yet you are weighing your options by being in multiple relationships. From a health perspective, I do not condone multi partner relationships as they increase your chances of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). The first guy seems to not be as financially stable as the next and you detest him for that. To be honest, I think the two of you have nothing in common except proximity.
As for the second option, you do not seem to care about him, rather you are interested in what he has to offer in terms of material possessions. You spoke of the first guy being silent when it comes to marriage but an error a lot of young people in this day and age make is that they do not discuss what they hope to get out of relationships.
When getting in a relationship, ask yourselves what outcomes the two of you share and want out of that association? You could be in it for the long haul while he is steadily killing time.
Allow yourself time to grow and find someone with similar interests and a similar vision to yours and it may manifest into talk of marriage. At the moment, you are playing with fire. You are all over the place. My best bit of advice is to call it off with both these guys and think long and hard over what I have said. As time progresses, make efforts to get into a relationship with someone you genuinely care about and wish to go the distance with.
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