The Sunday Mail
Life Issues with FGK
Last week’s instalment touched on crimes of passion, particularly on a Plumtree man who stabbed his wife’s lover before burning him to death.
These are real life issues taking place among us on a daily basis. There is need for us to use platforms that offer us an opportunity to hear what others are going through. We need to delve into these issues and closely scrutinise the causes of marriage breakdowns.
Giving feedback on infidelity, one Mrs Nyabadza said: “This is a painful and difficult situation. I might fight to keep my marriage, seeking spiritual guidance, counselling and even deliverance. That is if my husband realises his mistakes and is willing to change and rebuild the relationship.”
Reading in-between the lines, you may deduce that if her husband was to cheat on her, Mrs Nyabadza would forgive him, as long as ‘he realises his mistake and is willing to rebuild the marriage’.
And she is not the only one, many women are willing to forgive. However, the most difficult thing could be measuring the husband’s willingness to rebuild the marriage.
Bornwell had this to say: “Was the marriage solid and mature? Did the two have matrimonial happiness and joy? Were the two living within the confines of the proper definition of marriage as it is defined by God?
“Before an extra-marital affair, there should be a relationship discord. Otherwise there may be no reason for such behaviour, unless if it was only influenced by lust. If everything has been going on well, the guy who was cheated on may have to consult his sixth sense and try to be rational.”
Yeomie Kay had this to say: “I would forgive and forget so that we settle our matter. There’s only one thing that will make me do that. The Word of God tells me that God hates divorce, so I will not divorce because God hates divorce. The fact that God hates divorce also makes me hate divorce so I will do all it takes to settle the matter.
“But before rushing to make any decision, I will put into consideration what could have pushed her into having an extra-marital affair. It could have been me pushing her into it; or it could just be a demon possessing her, in which case I will help her get deliverance.
“Above all, remember that if you have invested in your marriage, you will never let go. However, if you aren’t putting anything in it, it will be easy for you to let go.”
Dudu just said: “I will fight for what rightfully belongs to me.’’
From these sentiments, it is clear that several people can forgive and move on. Others, however, feel that while forgiving is possible, trust would be lost for good.
Others admit that they do not have any idea how they would handle a cheating partner.
All these views show the diversity of our approach to this difficult situation. Many women who came through to comment showed their willingness to forgive their husbands if they were to be caught on the wrong side. This then justifies a statement in our previous article, that women are more forgiving than their male counterparts.
The only problem the women encounter when it comes to forgiving their cheating husbands is the lack of assurance that they will never do it again.
Many people can apologise and even shed some crocodile tears, but it is impossible to read their minds.
So the choice of forgiving the guilty party within a marriage comes back to how well you know your partner. That is the only way you can be able to tell if they are sincere or if they are likely to repeat the same mistake.
A rich husband might spoil you with expensive flowers and the latest Range Rover, one with a pink interior, just to show you how sorry they are, but does that restore the broken trust?
While this seems like a very difficult question, it is not supposed to be difficult if you know your husband very well.
There is a level of intimacy that a marriage should have. That intimacy will break the barriers of hearts between two people until they function like one person. This bond is the one which helps you determine whether their apologies are sincere or not.
You are supposed to know this person like the palm of your hand, such that when they cry you can tell how deep they are drawing their tears.
So before your husband or wife begins to cheat, admit that you have been neglecting the intimacy part of your relationship and work on it.
There is always something that rings the bell if someone you are close to begins to be unfaithful. God does not allow sin to be hidden from the light forever. There are always alarms around you, these will tell you that something has gone wrong, or something is about to go wrong. Do not make a mistake of ignoring that intuitive bell because it is God’s way of warning you to fix things before they get worse.
Malachi 2 v16 says that God hates divorce. It is true that God hates divorce, but Matthew 19 v9 also shows that the same God does not like unfaithfulness and adultery.
In Matthew 19 v9, the Bible says: “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her, who is divorced, commits adultery.”
His hate for divorce is protective in nature. He knows how bad the consequences of divorce are and, therefore, He would insist that if there is anything that couples can do in order to stay in marriage, they should do so because the consequences of divorce are unbearable.
Sometimes the consequences are even more destructive than the pain to be experienced within a marriage.
Matthew 19 v9 gives us the other side of the coin. Although God hates divorce, He does not force one to live within a marriage that is not Godly. There are circumstances under which a marriage becomes nullified in God’s eyes. It is important to take care of our marriages and not give room to extra-marital affairs.
Prevention is always better than cure. However, when the unlikely befalls your marriage, the discernment of how to approach the incident would be drawn from the level of intimacy with your spouse. The determining factor would be your knowledge of them. In God’s eyes, divorce is bad but in God’s eyes again, sexual immorality is worse.
Under these circumstances, whereby one partner has committed sexual immorality or adultery, then divorce is inevitable according to His law. Marriage is not cancelled at court but couples should know that marriage is cancelled the moment one of them commits adultery, even in private.
According to God, the moment adultery happens, then divorce has already happened.
Sexual immorality comes with an uncertainty, health-wise. lt is therefore wise to be very careful when approaching unfaithfulness. When you choose to forgive your spouse, get some blood tests before opening a new page.
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