The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
AMAI, I hope I find you well. We are a family of four, two sisters and two brothers.
Our parents worked very hard to put us through school and get us to where we are today.
Our background was tough but because of them, we all lead very good lives.
We have a siblings’ chat group on WhatsApp, where we share issues that concern our immediate family. As the eldest sibling and big brother, I suggested that we contribute towards the upkeep of our elderly parents on a monthly basis.
We argued back and forth because we could not come up with something conclusive. In the end, we decided to stop the kanzatu (small contributions) way that I had suggested and agreed to let each one of us give as they so wish.
Amai, I am saddened to say for the past four months nobody has given anything to our parents except for my wife and me. My spouse is now threatening to stop if others do not follow suit. I am heartbroken. I really do not know what to do. How do I rein in my siblings?
Response
I am very well and thanks for writing. You are a good person and you came up with a brilliant idea. Unfortunately, it is difficult to get adults to listen to you. Giving has to be done freely and it must come from the heart.
Continue to play your part.
Tell your wife that assisting your parents is everyone’s responsibility, but you will not hold it against those who choose to ignore it.
What could be the reasons for your siblings’ behaviour? Do they think you are more affluent than they are? Why have you let it go on for four months?
I would advise you to take it upon yourself and do a follow-up on each one of them. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
Take it upon yourself to make sure things go according to plan. Remind your siblings that were it not for your parents’ sacrifices you would be in much worse predicaments. May God bless you and may you never tire from the good work you are doing.
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Wife calling me by another man’s name
Thank you so much for your Sunday Mail column. I am a 28-year-old married man and father of one. My wife is my soulmate. I love her with all my heart.
She is 25, hardworking and beautiful. We have been together for two good years.
However, for the past three months, something awkward has been happening and I am so confused.
I really do not want to suspect that my wife is cheating on me.
I have not seen her go off track or something like that, but here and there she calls me Joseph, which is not my name.
Each time I ask her why she apologises and says it is just a mistake. This is eating me up. I asked my friend what he thinks about this and he told me something is amiss. Amai, what do you make of this? Please help I am banking on you.
Response
Thank you for writing in and for supporting this platform. My goal has always been to enrich lives and your feedback is a great assurance.
You really do not have a smoking gun. However, if she is doing this repeatedly it is no longer a mistake, but a pattern.
Do some digging.
Is this Joseph a former flame or someone she works with? They say there is no smoke without fire.
She could be unaware of the impact talking to that person is having on her. I think you need a candid sit-down with a mediator.
I recommend a relationship counsellor so you can get to the bottom of this. Whatever the findings are, it would be a good starting point to resolve this and reclaim your soulmate.
I think it cannot be stated enough the impact this is having on you. You need to express yourself on how much this is causing you anguish. I wish you all the best.
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Hubby does not trust me
I am a 38-year-old woman and a mother to two beautiful children.
My husband is 45 and we run a small business that has become very fruitful. We have our own four-bedroomed house and quite comfortable.
We do almost everything together and are a good duo.
There is only one thing that bothers me. I do not know how to explain it because it does not make sense.
My husband keeps all his documents at his parent’s house and yet he keeps mine and the kids in the family safe.
I asked him why and he said that was his preference.
I mean documents like birth and academic certificates, title deeds, important receipts and so forth. Is it about our house or me? How can a 45-year-old man do that and why do his parents think it is normal?
Response
I am glad that things are looking up for your family and the business. It is strange that a grown man would keep certain documents outside of his own home, especially when he has a safe.
There is no way to be subtle about this. You need to ask him if he trusts you or if he has other dealings going on behind your back.
As his spouse, you are entitled to know the state of affairs that concern you and your family.
Explain to him how this is making you feel. I think he may be taking it for granted.
If you are a dynamic duo as you stated then this should be a walk in the park that a minor adjustment can solve.
Do not let it steal your joy. I think if your husband is the kind of man you described him to be, he will have no qualms about putting his documents in the safe located at your house. Please inform me how it goes. I wish you the best of luck.
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