The Sunday Mail
Am I reading this situation correctly?
HELLO Amai. I hope I find you well. I am a third-year student doing a B-tech degree. There is a professor I am involved with and we both love each other so dearly. We are both 25-years-old.
The problem is that I cannot tell if he really is into this relationship because he is always around my best friend and sometimes he does not even answer my calls. To make things worse, the two always hang out together; that is why I am not sure if he is serious about this relationship.
Response
Hello and thanks for writing in. I am glad that you are in school and are working towards your education. I am, however, of the view that you are jumping to conclusions.
This guy seems to be all over the place. That in itself should be a sign. It is also advised to avoid fraternising with your superiors or lecturers as it can discredit both of you.
You cease to appear as a bonafide student of that institute who gains her academic grades based solely on merit. He may cease to be an objective lecturer who treats all his students the same. There may be other laws unique to your institute that this also goes against.
My advice is for you to let go of this pursuit and focus on completing your studies. Make him aware of your decision and do not hesitate to let him know that if you feel your position has any blowback, you will not hesitate to escalate it to higher authorities.
Take it slow, I assure you there are many more guys who are genuinely interested in you and are vying for your affection.
Mother-in-law befriending hubby’s ex
I am a 24-year-old woman married to a 27-year-old man. We get on so well and are very much in love. We have a month-old son and I feel blessed. My mother-in-law is failing to cut her friendship with my husband’s ex.
Some family members, including my hubby, tried to talk her out of this and she seemed to have complied. A few days ago she sent me a grocery list, which was meant for this other woman by mistake. She was telling her that she preferred groceries from her because she buys special brands, unlike me.
She described me as a cheapskate. There was no way she could deny the contents of this message because she referred to each one of us by name. I forwarded the message back to her and asked her to send it to the intended recipient. I am so upset I feel like cutting all ties with her. I do not even want to see her. Please help me.
Response
I am glad that your family is shaping up well and things are going great. As for your mother-in-law, I think she likes to stir up trouble. There is no need to continue to befriend your husband’s ex when he has clearly moved on. She must look on to the future. Even if they are to remain friends, I think she is making an effort to prove they are still cordial towards each other. I am not sure if this message was sent by mistake or not. What I can assure you is that the way you reacted was composed. You simply resent it and did not exchange words with her. Inform your husband of what took place and see how he would want to handle the issue.
Continue buying her groceries and being respectful to her and going about your business.
At times, the best way to deal with people who aim to get a reaction out of you is to give them nothing at all. Continue to focus on your husband and baby and everything will fall into place.
Once you and your hubby put up a united front that his mother’s freedom of association does not bother you, you will win this battle decisively.
Hubby and I have different interests
I am 30 and the same age as my husband. My in-laws have a beautiful farm outside the city where they reside. I have visited a few times but always under duress. My husband has a passion for farming like his parents and is exactly my opposite. We have two toddlers, a boy and a girl.
My kids are always taken to the farm against my wishes.
The problem is my hubby never wants to go alone. I was born and bred in town. I feel I have no business there and for me some places are too messy, especially this rainy season.
I am being true to myself but now I am being judged and being called nasty names.
I think they are wasting their time, as this will not change me. Amai, please help. How can I make myself understood in a subtle way?
Response
They say honesty is the best policy. You should tell your husband how you really feel. It is ok to have different interests in a relationship. Most times, they say opposites attract.
However, I am concerned about the tone with which you used to describe your husband’s passion.
Most times, we support the ones we love and are not deterred by things such as the rainy season or proximity. I think it is great this man spends time with his children and wife doing what he loves.
Put yourself in his shoes. You also need to introspect and determine what he does to make you and the kids happy that he does not necessarily enjoy entirely. As for the name-calling, tell him it bothers you and he will work on getting them to stop. As for being a townie, that is great. However, it does not stop you from broadening your horizons.
I feel like once you stop these trips you may feel terrible and realise what you are really missing, which is quality time with the family.
Since there is a nice farmhouse, why not bring a bit of town to it. Modernise it and add some TV and perhaps WiFi. Before you know it, you may find weekends out of town to be quite relaxing.
Make an effort to go here and there. Try to find a balance with doing what else you want on weekends. A 50/50 approach will balance things evenly.
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