The Sunday Mail
Sister’s ex-hubby wants to marry me
THANK you very much for your column. Mai Chisamba, my sister bullied her husband out of their marriage. She was rude, arrogant and never respected her husband as the head of the family. We all tried to make their marriage work but my sister was never cooperative.
ln the end Mai Chisamba, they divorced. My sister has since re-married and her ex is looking after their three-year-old daughter. Chokwadi kusiya mwana nepamusana pekuoma musoro.
The reason why I have written to you is I know you will help me out in this tricky situation. My sister’s ex husband is proposing to me and I think he has a very valid point. He says haadi kuti mwana achengetwe nemutorwa so he wants me to take my sister’s place.
I love my sister’s daughter and would want to go and look after this innocent girl. I know Mai Chisamba; you have a very soft spot for children.
Please don’t get me wrong, before they divorced we all respected their union. My sister is no longer involved with this guy atove nemwana ikoko kwaakaroorwa so it’s not like I have done anything wrong. I hope you will pick my letter because I am under so much pressure – this guy wants my answer as soon as possible. My heart is with this girl. My sister is so pre-occupied with her new home zvekuti ini ndini ndaakutopa mwana uyu rudo. I go to see her very often. Please help.
Response
Thank you for reading my column and for writing in. If truth be told your sixth sense is telling you that what you are planning with your former brother-in-law is out of place. Yes, I have a very soft spot for vulnerable children but don’t hide behind that. In our culture we say ukama haugezwe, your sister will remain your sister until end of eternity.
You don’t need to be your former muramu’s wife in order to look after your niece.
Actually it’s an obligation for you to do that, even if your sister were to die today ndimi mai chaivo kana mombe yeumai ndeyenyu nezvese zvino dana mai.
The truth is you have fallen for babamudiki, maybe that’s the reason you don’t have any kind words for your sister. You have attacked her left, right and centre. Is it true that she bullied her husband out of their marriage? Does it mean that she never did anything positive during their marriage? How can I take your word for it if you are an interested party? Why do you want to put yourself in an awkward position?
Don’t be short-sighted. Remember your sister will not change her status as far as your relationship is concerned, she will always be your sibling as I said before, saka ukama hwacho munohufambisa sei?
Remember you will always be together in fortunate and unfortunate times. Asi hamuonewo zvandiri kuonawo here? Why can’t you look for someone different, there are so many men out there. My advice is please leave this guy alone, comparatively speaking you need your sister more.
Mutauro unoti ane benzi ndiye ane rake rikatamba munopururudza. I am not saying your sister is an angel; all I am saying is understand ndiye wako despite whatever. You are at liberty to help out your niece but forget about ex-muramu. We are people with a culture and it demands that we respect our families. You can’t bed a man who was your sister’s, its taboo hazviitwe. Tanzwanana here vasikana?
Baba burdening me
Mai Chisamba, I hope I find you well. I am married and we are both in our late thirties. We have three children, two daughters and a son. I admit we are happily married and my wife is the best thing I could ever ask for.
My problem is my father is a bit backward, I don’t mean to disrespect him, I love him to bits but zvimwe zvavanoita zvakasara. We stay in Harare, we have a four bed-roomed company house and my father is excited about this. I don’t mind family and friends coming to my place but baba now vakungo nditumira vanhu vandisingazive from our rural home.
If anyone he knows tells him that they are travelling to Harare baba will write a letter to say gashirai vangana avo tinogarisana kuno kumusha. A fortnight ago we had an elderly couple that stayed on for a week and for no apparent reason because most of the time vaingoswera pamba.
Baba brags about our life, our house and everything, maybe this is one of the reasons why he does this. The couple I am talking about did not bring any blankets or toiletries, we even provided things like towels, etc.
Can you imagine? Baba is burdening me, life is tough, I have my family to fend for. I can do without the strangers he is sending to me. I don’t want to upset him, how can I handle this one? For the first time also my wife complained about this influx yevanhu vatisingazive. My spouse and father are very close to my heart and I don’t want a thing that has nothing to do with our welfare to tear us apart. What do you say about this?
Response
I am very well, thank you. Makorokoto for being head of a happy family, it’s very refreshing to hear that. I understand your concern, the crime rate in our country is disturbing and for one to house strangers even for a day is worrisome, worse sharing blankets and towels. My advice is keep your cool and tell your wife everything is under control. Your issue may sound simple but it needs urgent attention, so many were let down by people they thought were harmless. These people can rape, steal or even kill because you know nothing about them. Try and get a few newspapers dzine nyaya dzakada kudai and let baba see. You can even go to the Police Victim Friendly department and let them tell your father why this practice is no longer safe. Your father is ignorant of these activities, he needs to be enlightened. Most parents brag about their children when they do well saka kwavari utori chidadiso that’s why you should handle him with care, he means well. Vanoda kuti vanhu vaone kuti mwana wavo akagarika sei. The other option is whenever you get these visitors who just come unannounced, find out if they have relatives in Harare and take their details in case of emergency. After this they may cut their stay short because vanongofungawo kuti hazviite kuti vadzokere vasina
I impregnated my stepmum
kusvika kune hama dzavo since vaziva kuti vanenge vari around. You did not talk about your mum but if she is alive she can also help to speak to baba. Be of good cheer, this will die a natural death. Keep me posted I would like to hear the outcome.
Mai Chisamba, how are you? Thank you so much for your column. Mine is an unusual problem, my mother died two years ago. Baba did not take long before he re-married. I am 30 years old and the eldest son but number 2 in my family.
I am an educated young man, I go to work but still staying at the family house in one of the low density suburbs in Harare. My father is in his early sixties and my stepmum my age, she is 30 also. One weekend when my father had gone to the farm for the weekend, mainini came on to me and I couldn’t help it.
Since that day we have our private love affair and we really love each other. I tried to stop this but she keeps saying that it doesn’t matter because we don’t have a blood relationship. My problem now is she is pregnant and she says she is pretty sure that it’s mine. I am now scared, soon the cat will get out of the sack. I love and respect my dad but this is a temptation that I could not resist.
Mainini says let’s run away but my question deep down is for how long will I be away from my father? Ndapererwa hangu, the truth is she is the love of my life I got her under some weird circumstances but I can’t help it and she feels the same. I confided in my favourite tete, my father’s sister who even voiced her concern kuti baba vasaroora mwana mudiki pane dangwe ravo.
She was shocked vakati handizvigone and never say you told me. Mai Chisamba, do you think inyaya inotaurika here kuna baba? Mainini says she is ready for anything as long as she will be with me. If baba sends her away I will take her for a wife but ndiri kutya kuti zvine hondo izvi.
Response
I am fine thanks and how are you? I don’t know what has gotten into our people. Ko nyaya yekuraura mudish iri kubva kupi? What has happened to our values? Stepmother is amai, why do that to your father?
How can she be so sure that you are responsible for her pregnancy when she is bedding two men? I think you are losing it, why call her love of your life when she is another man’s wife, worse your own dad. You have betrayed your father, instead of saying all this nonsense you should be sorry for yourself. These are the issues that bring about a lot of domestic violence and it can be fatal. Don’t under-estimate what your father can do if he finds out. From the look of things mainini is ruthless and has no respect if she really came on you. How do you trust a woman who is cheating on her husband? Shiri ine muriro wayo hairege, she will treat you likewise, if not worse. My advice is tell her you can’t continue this anymore. Try and get alternative accommodation so that you are not constantly tempted. Cut all links with her.
Go to a professional counselor, you desperately need therapy. After this workout find a way to confess to baba and apologise. This, of course, will not happen overnight, it’s a process for all the people concerned.
