The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba-Mudzimba
My husband is oppressive
Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married 32-year-old woman and a mother of one. My husband is gainfully employed. He is also short-tempered. It is rare for us to finish a conversation without him getting upset. He accuses me of being wasteful and childish. But if truth be told, that is an accurate description of himself.
He gives me very little and keeps the rest to himself. At times I go without breakfast or lunch so that the baby has enough to eat. My mother is not feeling well. It has been a few weeks now, so I asked for permission to go and see her. She stays at our rural home with my dad.
I was given just enough for the journey, but I used the money for the return trip to buy the baby some items. My mum is still in bad shape and I am still by her side. Now he is saying if I do not come back in three days’ time, I should not bother.
I cannot leave my mum as of now, hazviite! I am waiting for my brother to help me with bus fare. How do I make such a man understand without causing more trouble?
Response
Hello dear writer. I am very well thanks for asking. I was very disturbed when I read your letter. I agree that your husband is indeed very oppressive and does not use his reasoning capacity at all. I think it is noble that you want to tend your ailing mother. The fact that he lets you go without food or provisions for the baby is abuse.
Report him to your father and they must have a man-to-man conversation. If he is neglecting his duties as the head of the house, then he must be kept in check. Using threats of divorcing you at a time when you need emotional and financial support is not the way to go. I will also try and get you in touch with a counsellor. You need marriage counselling to try and rectify his behaviour.
I am especially concerned when there is a child involved. If you fail to take care of the child because of his behaviour, some responsible authority may have to intervene. Atezvara must address mukwasha before it gets out of hand any further. Please keep me posted.
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Maiguru is a terrible matchmaker
Thank you for your column in The Sunday Mail. I am a single 23-year-old man. I stay with my brother and his wife. I am degreed and trying to find my feet. I am not employed yet.
I love both my brother and his wife, but the problem is maiguru is pushing hard to match me with her cousin. I have no feelings whatsoever for this girl because we are two different people. She failed her Grade Seven, refused to pursue any form of studies and is not focused.
I had a candid talk with my sister-in-law about my reservations, but she continues to lie to this girl. The other day I found this girl doing my laundry. Maiguru then said aloud that since I am her future husband, she needed to practice doing my laundry. Amai, would I be wrong if I spoke to this girl face-to-face?
Response
Hello writer and thank you for following the column. I am glad that you are a young man with vision and drive. I hope opportunities present themselves in your life and you assert your independence. I understand your reasons for not wanting to date this particular girl.
However, please do not look down too much upon her. Let her down easy. Have a talk with her and let her know that you are single and searching and that the two of you are just too different to meet in the middle. As for your maiguru, tell your brother to have a talk with maiguru to lay off the matchmaking.
She means well but she needs to let you make your own decisions. If done right and promptly, this is a very small issue to resolve. I wish you well.
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Colleagues make fun of my car
I am a young and single guy. I work at an up-and-coming company. I had a bit of money in my savings and decided to buy a small second-hand car. It is not the best, but it serves its purpose. I avoid public transport especially in the wake of Covid-19.
Our offices are a few kilometres out of town, so my colleagues now depend on me to take them to and from the office. A few days ago I heard one of my workmates speak on the phone telling his friend that now he will not find him by the bus stop anymore because a certain guy from work bought a chikwere (fowl run) that they now travel in.
He went on to complain that they pay full fare for such a car. I am heartbroken because I thought I was helping out. What hurts more is I cannot confront him because I overheard this, although I was not eavesdropping. How do I handle this? I feel like driving alone in my chikwere. I do not want to be bothered.
Response
Greetings dear writer. In Shona we say “ane ganda ane nyama hazvienzani neakabata hohwa”. They may be laughing at you but they are dependent on you for transport. I do not even want to say ‘they’ since it is one bad apple in particular.
Take pride in what you have. s you said, it is a stepping stone that is serving its purpose.
If this is troubling you, approach the person who said those words and tell them how it made you feel. Bottling it up inside will not do you any good. As adults, you need to communicate and resolve issues amicably.
My best bit of advice is to move on. If you absorb everything naysayers say in life, you will continuously be enraged.
Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you choose to react.
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