The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 30-year-old man. I am married to my very beautiful wife and mother of my son. My wife is a full-time housewife, so I am the only breadwinner. We are tenants and stay in a three-roomed cottage. We are happy as a couple but the landlord’s behaviour is giving me sleepless nights.
A month ago, my wife told me that the landlord came to inspect our cottage for further improvements and this was done in my absence.
I did not read much into this because I thought he would talk to me as well but he never did. Two days ago, he did exactly the same thing and never said anything to me when I came back.
I am the official tenant. Why did he not tell me about the so-called improvements? What else do they talk about during my absence? Is there something going on between these two? I asked my wife and she said there was nothing going on. Amai, this is eating me up. I do not want to lose my accommodation but I also do not want to sacrifice my spouse. What do you make of this?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for your communication. I am very well and thanks for asking. It is refreshing to hear that you are a happy couple.
Let me say marriage is about trust. Suspicion will bring a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I think your wife is innocent. The fact that she tells you about the landlord’s shenanigans says it all. What he is doing is disrespectful. I cannot really say if he has any hidden agenda or not because you did not brief me about his character.
I suggest you ask him about the intended improvements. It is your right as the official tenant. He may be wondering why you are not following this up as well. Tell him that anything that involves your tenancy should be directed to you. Please, do not be overly worked up, man up and clear the air.
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In-laws giving me a hard time
Dear Amai, thank you for your Sunday Mail column. I am a 40-year-old woman and I have four children. My husband is 45. We come from the same rural village in Mutare and our homes are just a kilometre apart. We are both gainfully employed. Both our parents are now retired. We assist whenever we can. I took some time off work to go home three weeks ago because my mother was very sick. I helped nurse my mother by taking her to hospital and administering her medication.
I was so busy I never had the chance to go to my in-laws’ home. I called my husband’s younger brother to come and collect some money and groceries since I was tied up.
At first, he said he would come, then, after a few hours, he said he could not make it because his mother had said I should bring the things myself.
I am back in Harare and my husband is angry with me for not going to see his people. I hear they still have not collected the groceries and money. I do not understand what this means. Next weekend, I am going back for my mum’s review. I do not know what to do because I am very angry as well. Please help.
Response
Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope your mother feels better now. Well done for taking good care of her. At times, I do not understand why people decide to play hardball unnecessarily. In this case, family and friends should have been united to help the patient pull through. Your husband should give you the support you need during this time, instead of teaming up against you. It is not time to fight.
He knows very well that the trip you took was not a social one. My advice is that you let the dust settle. Silence is golden. Do not sink to their level. You are going home for your mother’s review.
Try to find time to briefly go and give them the money and groceries. This will depend on your mother’s condition.
If your combined budget permits, in future, it will be a good idea to get a helper for your sick mum so that there is always someone close to give her the assistance she needs. When she is in good shape, you can look back as spouses and talk about what transpired. It is not a good thing to sweep issues under the rug in marriage. I would be happy to hear from you.
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Noise keeping me up
at night
Thank you for your column; I have learnt a lot from it. Mine is a short and straightforward issue. I live in a very loud neighbourhood. We can hardly sleep because of clubs and churches. There is no difference between daytime and night. Even the churches are too noisy; people shout at the top of their voices despite using public address systems. When you ask them to tone down their noise, they take offence. We are suffering and do not know who to turn to. Please help.
Response
Dear writer, thank you for your letter. I feel sorry about your predicament. It is very unfortunate that in some places, every other house or place is now a bar, club, church or some entertainment venue. It is a very disturbing scenario. I think the best people to check with are the city fathers (council) to see if these places are registered and for what purpose.
Some are not operating within the law.
Direct all noise complaints to law-enforcement agencies. It is your right to have peace in your environment. Never confront the patrons because most of them are usually drunk and out of order. I hope such things will be looked into because they are causing urban decay. Try that and let me know how it goes.
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