The Sunday Mail
DEAR Amai, how are you? I am a 13-year-old boy and still in primary school. My parents divorced when I was six years old and my mum went to work in South Africa.
She does menial jobs and does not meet all our needs back home. Life is tough for us. I stay with my Gogo and Sekuru from my mother’s side. They do not understand my schoolwork and it is very hard for me to do homework.
I am always at the bottom of the class when it comes to results and my teacher is not amused. I feel so humiliated when other kids laugh at me in class. Some of my classmates do group work after school and help each other with homework. My grandparents are over-protective. They do not allow me to hang around other boys of my age.
They think all young people deal in drugs and often end up having running battles with the police.
They want me to work in our vegetable garden or do other house chores. I am very saddened by all this. Amai, what can I do to convince my grandparents? I also miss my mother so much.
Response
I am very well and thanks for writing in. I am glad that you are taking a keen interest in bettering your grades. You are about to go to high school and it would be a good time to start getting serious with your studies. Your home setup is unique and this was brought about by circumstances beyond your control.
In as much as your grandparents do not understand the predicament you find yourself in, there are ways to resolve this. Inform both your mother and your teacher about the challenges you are facing at home that contribute towards your poor performance in school.
They will in return speak to your grandparents to allow you more freedom to work on your studies. I think you must also opt into an extra lessons programme to help you shape up. Where there is a will there is a way. I hope your teacher and your mother advise your grandparents to strike a balance between your studies and your responsibilities at home. Please keep me posted on your progress.
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Wife is disrespecting me
I am a married man aged 29 and my wife is 26. We are parents to a two-year-old son. My wife is a professional and I am self-employed. At times, I work from home. I can go for a long time without generating income because I do not have a stable revenue stream. In short, my wife is the breadwinner and I think she is becoming big headed.
We used to have a combined budget, but now she does not want this anymore. She accuses me of indulging in hopeless projects like buying broken down cars that cannot be fixed. She says she regrets marrying me, but when we met, I was doing exactly the same thing.
Last week, I passed through her work on my way to the industrial site. I was shocked to hear some guys calling her by her first name even in my presence. I asked why and she said that was the practice at their company. I am very uncomfortable about what is taking place in my marriage at the moment. There are many red flags. Please help Amai. How can I save my marriage?
Response
After reading your letter, I can safely say that it sounds like there is a financial strain in your marriage. Things are tough at the moment and in such an economy, it is not unusual. You sound like you lack introspection and are accusatory towards your wife.
You may have been unemployed when you got together, but have you made any efforts to change that now?
I am not necessarily saying get employed, but I am saying what other ventures have you thought of or implored apart from restoring damaged cars to generate revenue? They say in life you need to evolve or die. Continue working on your self-improvement and you will flourish.
As for your wife being called by her first name, that is a basic office practice the world over. Do not look too much into it. I think you need to find a mediator or a counsellor to talk to.
Explain how your finances are putting a strain in your marriage. Your wife vowed for richer or poorer when you got married so why does she no longer want to do a combined budget for the family? Talk it out and make efforts that will leave the both of you happy. I wish you all the best.
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Between a rock
and a hard place
I am a 36-year-old woman married to a very hard working husband of the same age. We are blessed with two kids, all boys aged 10 and 8 respectively. We do not have a house of our own yet and we have been saving to buy one. My husband shared this information with his big brother without my knowledge.
His brother wants to borrow quite a lump sum from this fund. I told him that we did not have such money, but he did not take it well saying his brother had confided in him that we had it.
He is not saying why he needs this money urgently. I know he will not be able to pay back and I have dug my heels in the sand. His siblings are calling me names like hard-hearted and so forth. I feel betrayed. All my husband is saying is sorry instead of managing his people. I am upset and confused. Please help. What am I supposed to do? I am overwhelmed.
Response
I think your husband jumped the gun. There was no need to discuss your savings with his family. I see no reason you must give someone a loan they cannot repay. Especially if it is one earmarked for a specific purpose.
You are right to plant your heels in the sand and say no. Tell them you have made a deposit on the house and can no longer assist.
As for your hubby, urge him to control his tongue especially when it comes to issues that do not concern external parties. I am very disappointed in his nonchalance stance. He should defend you and make sure his people stop saying all these bad things about you.
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