The Sunday Mail
I got my ex pregnant
I am a 27-year-old man who finds himself in a world of trouble. I am dating a woman of almost the same age and she loves me and my family, who, in turn, approve of her. Before I began seeing her, I was with my ex. She smokes and drinks and cheated on me several times.
On one occasion we had a physical fight for which I was jailed for four months. I have a degree in Media Studies, but because of my criminal record I cannot get a job.
My family despises her. I made the foolish choice of reconnecting with her late last year and I ended up getting her pregnant. My parents and girlfriend do not know about this. I have not helped her out financially or in any way and it is high time I start. The baby is due soon. How best can I go about this? I really messed up.
Response
Your case is complicated because you did the unthinkable. You ran back to a woman who you and your family had obviously identified as no good for you. I wish you would have kept your pride and moved on. It is no use crying over spilt milk now. Honesty is the best policy.
Tell your girlfriend what you have done. If she decides to leave you or stay, that is up to her. Bear in mind that forgiving you for what you have done is another process on its own. Also inform your parents.
I assume they are helping you financially since you find it difficult to land a job because of your record.
As for this ex of yours, if she is notorious and known for not being loyal to a single man, it would be wise to get a paternity test at the earliest convenience. Telling your family and girlfriend is the right thing to do whether this child is really yours or not.
I would also advise you to go for counselling. You need clarity on how to move forward because now that there is a child in the equation you and your ex may have to co-parent. Take it one step at a time and try to steady the ship. I am glad you see the need to contribute to the child’s welfare if it is really yours. Think outside the box, how do other ex-convicts earn an income? Is there a way to self-employ yourself and do you possess any practical skills? The truth is what is done is done.
We cannot change the past but we can work on getting the best out of the future. I hope this ends well for you. I would love to hear from you again.
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Trying to find love
I am a 23-year-old woman and I have a four-year-old child. I parted ways with the father of my child some time ago and I have been searching for love and trying to get married again. I met a 35-year-old man on a radio chat programme and we have been chatting non-stop.
He also has kids and says he would like to marry me. I am having a hard time seeing him because of the coronavirus pandemic and also because my mother is very strict. Do you think I should intensify my plans to meet him and will it result in a happy ending?
Response
I would have appreciated it had you told me what led to the collapse of your relationship with the father of your child. I am also very concerned about the way you are rushing to get married. You seem not to know much about this man.
For all you know, he is just a character you met through a radio programme. Please stay home and minimise your movements. It will play a large part in ending this pandemic.
I know the world is changing and people are not meeting traditionally as before. I am worried though about a guy who makes up his mind about marrying someone based solely from conversations over the phone. Keep your guard up and study this man’s intentions — they could just be empty promises. Your mother may seem overprotective but I think she just wants the best for her daughter and grandchild. If you are to proceed, do it with caution.
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I want to know who my father is
I am a very conflicted young lady. My mother is a grumpy and unhappy vendor. Her personality is draining. She has never told me who my father is. This pains me because I want to know him or even reach out to my relatives.
I do not have a lot of time to study because I help out kumusika. Another thing that makes me feel sad and embarrassed is that other kids laugh at me. I do not know why. There is nothing wrong with trying to make ends meet. I love being around my grandparents.
They are retired teachers but I am often not allowed to go there during the holidays. My other uncles and aunts are educated and very pleasant to be around. My mother is a dropout and despises everyone else. She always assumes that other people laugh and mock her because of her status. She always complains about it and many other things. I am tired of this and hope I can somehow get her to brighten up.
Response
I am very sorry about what is going on in your life. Young people can be very mean. There is nothing disgraceful or embarrassing about trying to earn an honest living.
To my young readers, I hope you learn to respect everyone in life regardless of their social status. You are in school now and things may change in future. You may even end up employing your classmates. Work very hard. School can be your launchpad for greater things. If you want more time to study, get your teachers to talk to your mother. Do not just wait for consultation. School requires focus all year round. I feel sorry for your mother but she is doing the best she can.
Perhaps the reason she withholds information about your father is to save you from things that will pain you. She is a single mother who has gotten you this far through school. She may seem like she complains a lot but life is very hard these days. Of course voicing each and every problem is not really wise. Your grandparents seem like lovely people. Why not speak to them to try and talk to your mum? Your mother has led a tough life. Do not turn your back on her, no matter what happens, at least you have each other. I often respond to the writer but I would have loved to engage your mother and really find a way to get her to see the glass as half full. There is a silver lining in every cloud. At times, once you start focusing on the positives your whole outlook changes.
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