The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married mother of one. My husband is 30 and I am 29. We are both gainfully employed. He works for an NGO and they do many staff development courses. As much as I appreciate this noble programme, I have a few concerns. My spouse tells me they have created study groups to ensure they pass.
At times, they stay late at the office, doing schoolwork, or even go for study during weekends and holidays. My hubby has devoted most of his leisure time to this. He hardly has any time for me and our son. After considering what is happening, I sought to find out more.
A certain single woman and my husband have pulled out of the main study group to form their own because they are doing the same course. Amai, I am broken; I smell a rat.
His behaviour tells me it is not just about school. If he is not away, he spends a lot of time on the phone with this woman and once you walk into his space, he will start discussing notes. How can I confront him?
Response
Dear writer, thank you so much for reaching out to me. You are right it is a difficult situation. Improving one’s curriculum vitae is commendable but it should never cause any discomfort within your union. Your husband should balance his priorities.
It should be a win-win situation because in the end, you will both benefit from his education and career advancement. I suggest you have a candid talk with him and pour out your frustrations.
You can also advise him to do virtual meetings so that he does not spend much physical time with this woman. I blame your spouse because he is the one who is making it look suspicious. Another problem is, we have no way of finding out whether the bigger study group was serving its purpose or not. I would be happy to hear from you after the talks.
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I want to elope
Dear Amai, thank you so much for your Sunday Mail column. I follow it weekly.
I am madly in love with my childhood sweetheart and we promised to get married soon. I am 26 years old and he is 28. We are both gainfully employed and have separate and decent accommodation.
Most of his family members, including his parents, love me and are eagerly waiting for me to be their daughter-in-law. Last month, a woman in our neighbourhood eloped and is staying with my boyfriend at his apartment, claiming he impregnated her.
However, my boyfriend does not love this girl at all. He is waiting for his relatives to help him take this woman back to her people, following the traditional protocol. He has apologised to me and asked me to wait whilst he sorts out this mess.
Amai, is it okay if I tell this girl that she should stop wasting her time? My gut is telling me that I should also elope. I feel I should go to the same apartment to give him a chance to make his pick. I am angry and confused. I do not know what to do. Please, help me.
Response
Dear big fan, thank you so much for religiously following my column. Well done for being self-sufficient. Let me frankly say wake up and smell the coffee.
You are sweeping many issues under the carpet. Your boyfriend is not as innocent as you think because he has caused all these problems. The other girl claims she is pregnant and your boyfriend is responsible. We may not be sure because there are no paternity tests involved but we know for sure your boyfriend was once intimate with this girl.
He has shown a lot of dishonesty. This could be the reason he opened his doors to her and agreed to accommodate her. There is absolutely no reason for you to talk to the other girl or to elope to this guy’s home.
You are not an official partner. Please, avoid unnecessary trouble. I advise you keep your pride. Please, do not sink low by going to line up at his house like cattle at an auction so that he may pick whoever he loves. I feel sorry for you but it is in your best interest to close this chapter and move on. There are many red flags here. I wish you all the best.
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Wife is mad at me
I am a married father of two beautiful girls. My wife is the only female sibling out of six. We went to my wife’s rural home over the Easter holidays as an overnight stop to drop off some groceries. On the way, I also picked up some groceries for our home so there were two cases in the boot.
When we got home, both boxes were taken out by mistake. My in-laws were so impressed by the quantities that Amai sang, danced and said a long prayer, thanking me in particular. I told my wife to tell them that the other case should be taken back to the car but she said it would be very embarrassing to do so. On our way back, my wife was moody and said I was very insensitive. She cannot even see the inconvenience this has caused. Amai, was I wrong?
Response
Well done for thinking of your in-laws. I hope you do the same for your parents regularly. It is a very noble cause. In my view, things were taken out by mistake but the way your mother-in-law celebrated made it difficult to take them back. I plead that you find it in your heart to let it go. Just let sleeping dogs lie. That celebration and prayer are definitely a blessing to your family. Please, do not build storms in teacups. Mukuwasha mukuyu, haaperi kudyiwa. Grocery items can be easily replaced. Make up with your wife and move on. Let this be water under the bridge. I wish you all the best.
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