I regret what I did

I regret what I did

Dear amai, I hope you are well. I am a 21-year-old girl and I regret what I did. I was intimate with a guy. Before this, I had not been intimate with anyone else and I thought we were going to be together for the long run.

Long story short, he is not answering my calls or talking to me. I think he is a playboy who just wanted to take advantage of me. I am so distraught. How do I move on from this? Please help. I currently do not see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Response

Hello writer, I am well and thanks for asking. Your story is not that complex. It is a case of you not taking heed of the old adage that instructs us to look before we leap. If he did not coerce you into any of this, you cannot really do anything about it. Rather take it as a lesson that not everyone out there has pure intentions. Take your time and study things a bit.

I also think if you want to avoid unwanted pregnancy, STIs (sexually transmitted diseases) and other baggage such as heartache associated with intimacy, you should stop being sexually active. I think you need counselling.

This one bad experience must not set you on a disastrous path. It is something you can get over. Inasmuch as you regret the mistake you made, you have learnt your lesson. They say a burnt child dreads fire. I trust you will take the more cautious approach from now on.

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I no longer want to live with my step-daughter

Hello doc. I am a married man and I am frustrated with the idea of continuing to live with my step-daughter. She will be turning 18 soon. When I met my wife she was five.

I feel like now she should go live with her father. I spoke to my wife about this and she flatly refused. I also spoke to her family elders and told them that they must take the child, and they refused. I checked with the police how such situations are handled and they told me that if I kick her out, I would be charged with ill-treating a minor. I think it is high time the biological father stepped in and looked after his own child.

Response

Greetings dear writer. I read your letter and I am shocked. After looking after this girl for the past 13 years, what has made you turn on the child? Unprovoked even.

I do not think it’s just a change of heart. Your wife does not agree because this is her child. When you met her, you knew about it and accepted it. What has changed now? I think you risk losing them both. If you want the biological father to pitch in, there are channels to be followed that can get you results. At the moment, you are tearing down your own family. You have become the wrecking ball. Inasmuch as you no longer want to live with her, if you continue on this path, they will no longer want to live with you either. Take a breather and apologise for wronging your family without just cause. You refer to her as your step-daughter but you have looked after her better than her own father. That should fill you with pride, not resentment. Stop undoing the good you have done. I wish you well and hope this gets speedily resolved.

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Do all roads lead back home?

I am a 25-year-old man and I have been working for the last four years. I left home when I was young and I made a big deal out of my parents’ wish of not wanting me to leave home. I have lived in three different homes and I am not enjoying it.

The landlords raise rentals without warning and always ask me for loans. I really cannot cope. My question is: What must I do now? Must I go back home or just find a better place? Mind you, after I left, I went for three years without talking to my parents.

Response

Your issue is straightforward. Like I have said to all those who have written complaining about their landlord, I will tell you the same thing: Get a lease or try and find a new apartment. Informal living arrangements will most often always leave you disappointed.

I am sad that you spent three years without speaking to your parents because of such a trivial matter. You have asserted your independence; if I were you, I would look for a good place to rent and perhaps visit home often. By moving back in completely you risk triggering the same factors that drove you to leave in the first place.

 

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