The Sunday Mail
My son is a problem
HELLO amai, I hope you are well. I have written to you because my 21-year-old son is giving me headaches. I am an employed 52-year-old who is nearing retirement and also have my own business. I own haulage trucks, kombis and I am also into farming.
I put three of the trucks in my son’s name only to find out that he has since sold them. He conspired with one of my farmworkers to sell some of my cattle. I still do not have any idea how he got the documents for the livestock.
I confronted him about it and he said he was doing it to raise lobola since he had impregnated his girlfriend. I later found out this was a lie.
We got into a physical fight and he beat me up. I had to rope in my brother to talk to him. I have since disowned him and blocked him. I do not want anything to do with him. The big issue now is how can I regain my possessions back?
Response
I am well and thanks for asking. Your son is quite a handful and it is sad to see him squandering assets that are not his, to begin with. Dialogue is important. You need to go for counselling.
Your son is a liar and is displaying bad character traits that include beating up his own father! If you fail to save him now, he may do something worse to someone who is not related to him and end up in prison. Lying about impregnating someone just so he can justify selling the trucks and cattle is alarming. But, what is even more shocking is the fact that you have no idea what he did with the money he amassed from the sale of these assets.
There are a lot of missing pieces to the puzzle. If he had the right documentation and he was paid his asking price, I am afraid, there is no way of reclaiming these assets. As for the livestock, it may already have been slaughtered.
You can give him an ultimatum that if he does not reveal the whereabouts of these things and how much he sold them for, you will have him arrested. He is not beyond hope but he needs to show commitment to wanting to change. Try and keep your distance but do not disown him entirely.
A troubled person such as your son may resort to doing more illegal activities to support himself. You need to keep him on a very tight leash.
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My partner’s baby
father is in the way
I am a young man and I am having relationship troubles. My partner and I have been in an on-and-off relationship since 2017. We rekindled the romance in 2019 and she told me she was pregnant by me. I stepped up to look after this child, as I believed it was my own. We stayed together at one point. I went through her phone and found out the child was not mine.
At this point, the child had been born and she told me that it was her ex’s. She believed the pregnancy must have occurred before I got back into the picture. I accepted this only to find out another painful truth.
She is HIV positive and she did not inform me beforehand. Thankfully, I am negative and we are still together. However, her child’s biological father stays in touch with her and they frequently meet up to discuss things affecting this child. Is this normal? Must I continue in such a complicated relationship?
Response
The relationship you are in is unstable. The fact that you went through her phone was wrong; it also shows lack of trust. This woman has lied to you on several occasions. If the child issue was not enough scare for you, then the withholding of her HIV status should have been the red flag you were looking for. It is a criminal offence.
This women’s action shows that she does not care about you. Meeting up with her ex to discuss the welfare of the child sounds old fashioned and unnecessary. There are phones for that or she could even make use of her relatives such as tete.
Where there is smoke there is fire and these two may actually still be romantically involved. Save your time and spare your heart. I usually do not advise separation but in such instances, I am left with no choice. This relationship is detrimental to you.
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Hubby ruined relations with my family
Amai, how are you? I write this letter with a heavy heart. Inasmuch as I know the dangers of Covid-19, I think my husband treated my brother like trash. A few days ago, my brother’s car broke down a few blocks from where we stay.
He called me to ask if it was okay with us for him to walk to our place and put up for the night since curfew time was approaching. We have two unoccupied bedrooms at our house as all our three adult kids are abroad. A few minutes after my brother walked in, my husband arrived, fumed and told him we were not taking chances because of the pandemic.
I tried to persuade him and told him we would take all the necessary precautions, but he was upset and my brother went to our neighbour’s home to ask for overnight accommodation. They welcomed him and this was a big embarrassment to me.
I have since apologised, but my brother says I cannot do it on behalf of my husband. My parents and siblings are all disturbed about this and seem to blame me also. My husband maintains that it was the correct thing to do in the wake of Covid-19. The tension between my husband and my family is killing me. How do we solve this and come to an understanding?
Response
I am well, thanks for asking. I understand how you feel. We have a pandemic on our hands and should adhere to the Covid-19 protocols. I personally think your husband overreacted.
There was no need for that entire drama. Your brother had not just shown up unannounced to your place just for the sake of it. The situation he was in left him with no choice and given that you were the only obvious people to assist him, I think your husband should have been more flexible.
You should have accommodated him and observed protocols. If a neighbour could do it for a stranded person, why couldn’t your hubby? Please sit down with your man and have a candid talk.
He owes your brother an apology. Your family should also understand that even if you are a couple, you are individuals who can see things differently at times. Please make up, life is very short, especially these days. Move on as one happy family. I wish you all the best.
