The Sunday Mail
Hubby neglects family
I am a 27-year-old disgruntled woman. I am married and I have two boys. My husband has another wife who just had a baby girl. He ignores me and my children at all costs. I bought him a phone and it is filled with their photos. Every time I try to complain he threatens me saying he will commit suicide. I am not very educated and I am a part time maid. Anondishungurudza achiti ndiri driver wechikorobho. At one point he even threatened to burn my birth certificate when I had called him out for not being present in our lives. What can I do to feel less neglected?
Response
I am very sorry about the way your marriage is going. You have been blessed with two lovely boys. However, I am afraid the environment is not conducive for their upbringing.
Did you get into your marriage knowing it would be polygamous? Children are wonderful gifts from God and are to be accepted as they are, despite their sex.
It is sad that your husband is abusing the phone you bought him. I urge you not to read too much into that because you will only distress yourself even more.
When you buy a gift for someone, you do not monitor how it is used. When you hand it over to them, it is their property.
I am sorry your husband makes fun of you because of your lack of education. This should not deter you at all. You can carry on with education as long as you have the resources and can make time. The suicide tactic is just an empty threat, he now knows that you buy into it.
If your marriage is not a happy one you definitely need counselling. Seeing as your husband is not involved in your children’s lives please consider going to court to claim child support. You are doing well by working part time whenever you can. The little you get adds up.
In your letter you only told me how much you have suffered under your husband. My million dollar question is do you love this guy?
Are you legally married? If yes, under which law? I wish you had opened up a bit more so that I do not work on assumptions. I wish you all the best.
Hoodwinked by hubby
I am a young woman aged 21 and I have a child with my husband. I have written to you to inform you how I was deceived by this man. He was already married and had another child before he met me but he never told me.
I only found out after we were already married and had delivered our first born. I am hurt and really annoyed by this. I am considering divorcing him. What are your thoughts on this? At the same time I do not want my child to grow up without a father. Please assist.
Response
From your communication you state that your husband did not tell you the truth about his marital status before he married you. It is very unfortunate because this brings about a lot of problems to the smooth running of your union. I will repeat what I always say to writers of this column, if you want advice from me, please give me as much information as possible because that is what I work with.
How did you discover that he was married? Did you hear this through the grapevine or you have tangible evidence?
When people talk about divorce, it means the couple no longer has feelings for each other. Is this how you feel? Marriage is about true love, commitment and respect.
This cannot be exchanged for anything. You have second thoughts about whether to carry on or not because of the child.
The truth is you are not decided and are now looking for a loophole. In as much as it is noble to bring up your child together, what binds you (love) is long gone.
You are only 21 and full of potential, why would you want to play second fiddle for the rest of your life? This guy is a cheat and is not honest, that is why he did not tell you about the other woman and child.
How many others may be out there? The law demands that this guy looks after his child so let it be applied without fear or favour. The final decision is in your hands because this is your life. But now that you are a parent, you have to do things that are good for the child too.
I’m undecided
Dear Amai, I am a young girl and I am undecided. I am 21 and have been spending time with a guy from my neighbourhood. I know his mother and she is a lovely woman. He just expressed his feelings for me out of the blue and I do not know if I should accept his proposal or not. What do you think would be the right move for me to make? I am really a newcomer when it comes to relationships and the modern world of dating. As I am writing to you I am totally clueless as to how I should deal with his request for us to be together.
Response
I laughed my lungs out when I read your letter. I have no doubt this is your first love encounter. I really do not have much to say but maybe to just give you a few general tips. Love is so unique because it comes from the heart. It should not be influenced by people outside the relationship. At 21 you are ready to date because you are a major. You have to know your preferences before you make up your mind. You must also be sure of why you would want to say yes or no.
The fact that you know his mother does not mean anything because she is not part and parcel of what is on the ground. My sixth sense tells me that you need to speak to another person you trust and can open up to.
Tete or a sister come to mind. This is not an easy time for you. This guy could end up being a lot more if you click and have a lot in common. The focus should be on the inner person and his true intentions. How serious is this guy? If it feels right then give him a chance and see what the future holds. Good luck.
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