Help me help you

Rutendo Gwatidzo

HOW can I help you if you act like you don’t want me to help you? Stop making life more difficult than it is already.

This past week I came across a group of ladies who wanted to get into town in Harare. I walked past them, as they were standing at a bus stop and one of them said something that drew my attention towards them.

“It’s almost two hours now without getting any transport into town yet so many cars are passing by, why are people with cars like this?” I looked at her and I saw her face turning sideways wearily and I immediately felt her pain. What could have been the reason for not getting a lift into town? I wondered.

Since I was in no hurry to get where I was going I decided to engage these four ladies in a discussion.
I asked them if they are the only people that had stood at that bus stop for almost those two hours. One of them mentioned that some individuals had come and gone.

She even mentioned that some cars were stopping only to point at people whom they wanted to pick. Could it be the way the ladies were dressed? I looked at them all and they were dressed modern, but decent.

As we were still talking, another lady almost of the same age with them arrived and immediately a car that was coming stopped and picked her though she was a few metres away from the bus stop. Immediately I noticed something different.

This could have been the reason why these four ladies had been left behind.
As they talked, laughed and clapped hands in excitement, their face masks were down, on their chins.

This is it! I shouted. This is the reason why you are not being picked! Why are your face masks down yet you are a group of four? They looked at each other and one of them said, “But it’s hot guys.” Another one said, “But everyone else does this, what is the big deal?”

“The big deal is that it is you wanting help,” I responded. Yes, the car drivers might stop without wearing masks because they are in their cars. However, when you are the one wanting to get into their cars, then you should properly wear your mask to show that you are a responsible individual especially in this season with this topical issue of the pandemic. Besides, when the other driver stopped to pick the lady that was coming to the bus stop, he then wore his mask.

With rolling eyes and sarcastic sounds, they wore their masks and they then stood a bit distant from each other and two of them took out their sanitisers from their handbags. While we were still talking a car stopped by and the driver asked if anyone wanted to go to town and this was it. We looked at each other and we knew what it meant, I just waved goodbye and off they went.

Often times in life it’s like this. We fail to get what we want because we do not co-operate well in asking for help. Imagine if these ladies had worn their masks correctly they could have received help earlier. What do you do when you need the help of others? Do you pretend like you don’t care or you don’t really need the help?

Do you understand that receiving help is a privilege and not a right as such behave accordingly? Do you make it easy for others to help you or you push them away? Geek wisdom: “We can be too proud to ask for assistance at times. We can feel foolish or we don’t want to come off as weak. So, instead of asking for help, we instead needlessly trudge on with the problem.”

Some people think that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This is incorrect most of the times. In fact, it’s actually a sign of strength to ask for help when you realise you require it. Nobody is perfect. We can be great at other things, but there is always something somewhere that we require the help of others. The question is, how do you approach those whom you seek help from? Think about it!

Some useful tips

Some people make it difficult for those wanting to help and they end up suffering alone when they should be receiving help.

Some of the things we need to consider when asking for help.

Help is not always about the person asking for it, it is also about the person giving help, as such, get in the other individual’s shoes and respond accordingly. It calls for mutual respect.

Understand that receiving help is a privilege not a right hence drop the “I don’t care” attitude and make it easy and faster for others to assist you. Show that you appreciate the help before you even receive it.

Understand the difference between asking for assistance and receiving an offer for help. For instance, if someone stops on their own to pick you up, then in most cases that person has been satisfied already to assist you.

However, when you are the one stopping someone to give you a lift, then behave in the generally acceptable manner otherwise you spend the whole day waiting.

When you need a hand, no matter the kind of help, drop the ego, you are not the captain of the ship. You are vulnerable and by asking for help you have just admitted it, so, show sincerity and humility.
Say what you need help with instead of what you don’t need. Say what you can’t do instead of what you can do.

For example, instead of saying “I could have driven to town but my car is down can I have a lift, simply say “may I kindly have a lift to town,” and end there and wait for the other person to ask questions if interested. Do not try to compete with the person you are asking for help in that regard. An African proverb says, “Do not forget what it is to be a sailor because of being a captain yourself.”

The book “Just Ask” by the South African female author Andy Lopata talks about how life becomes easy when we adopt the culture of simply asking what we need properly and in confidence. My advice to you all is to pause and think before asking for help and to present the best approach. Wishing you all a restful and fun filled festive holiday.

Remember, asking for help and being asked for help is part of everyday life. Respond with mutual respect knowing that life is like a circle. Where you find yourself on top today might be the same place you find yourself under, tomorrow.

Trade carefully knowing that in most cases your life is what you make it, what goes around may come back around. Merry Christmas.

May you kindly give me feedback on the contact details provided below or on the comments section on my Facebook public page Rutendo Gwatidzo Official. Help me know the kind of articles you need so that I can be of great relevance to you. Thank you.

Rutendo Gwatidzo is an entrepreneur, HR consultant, team builder, transformational speaker and author. She’s managing director for Africanglow Enterprises that does corporate wear and interior designs.

She’s very vocal and relentless in inspiring hope to the underprivileged to rise from setbacks and continue moving forward. Her strategic strengths come from the ability to see things differently to make a difference.

Email: [email protected]