The Sunday Mail
Hubby assaulted at girlfriend’s place on Christmas
Amai, I hope you had a happy Christmas. I am a 29-year-old mother of one. My husband is 30. This year was going to be our first official Christmas together; we got married at the end of last year. Instead, he gave me several reasons why he was not going to be able to spend it with us.
I told him I was not going to buy any of his stories because this Christmas was special to us as husband and wife. He insisted he could not change any of his previous plans and went away. This broke my heart. I went to my parents’ house in the same city and decided to celebrate with them.
Just yesterday, his brother called me to come back because my hubby was assaulted at some girlfriend’s home by another suitor and was badly injured. I do not ever want to go back to him. I want to opt out. His people are pleading with me, but I really do not know why. Perhaps they want me to nurse him.
My parents are fed up and said the choice was mine. Amai, what do I do? Just one year in and already such nonsense is piling up.
Response
Hello writer, I enjoyed my holiday. Thank you for inquiring. I am just as disappointed in your husband as you and your parents are. He purposefully chose to leave you on such a big holiday and ended up being assaulted. It is safe to say things did not go according to plan. It seems unfair to now be dragged into this mess because he needs assistance.
You need to put you and your child first in this instance. Do not make any rushed decisions. I would recommend you stay at your parents place for the time being and you inform Tete of what has happened. After your husband recuperates, the matter will need to be reassessed in order to determine a way forward.
You also need to go for counselling as a couple to try to get over this ordeal, if that is what you so wish. It is a crazy turn of events, but I think this experience will help him learn his lesson. I wish you all the best.
***
I quit my job
Hello Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 37-year-old house cleaner. I did not have any problems with my former boss and was quite comfortable. My friend told me that there was a woman looking for a house helper. If I agreed, she would pay me twice as much.
I did not take time to think. I immediately faked my mother’s illness with the help of my sister. When I went to this new home, the lady of the house said she needed me to work for only a week while she made her assessment.
After that, she would either take me or send me packing. I agreed and worked my heart out that whole week, but I did not manage to impress her. She also said I had very little educational qualifications since I failed Grade Seven.
I am back at my rural home and very desperate. The gardener at my former employer’s place told me that they have not found my replacement yet. Amai, do you think I stand a chance if I ask for forgiveness?
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. You played the gambit and are now suffering the consequences. At times in life when we do risky things without taking time to consider the outcomes, we end up in a world of trouble. Faking an illness was uncalled for.
I am sorry it did not go as planned. I hope it will teach you to be a more honest person. Had you told your previous employer you wanted a raise to match current market standards they may have complied, but you went ahead and jumped ship. I think you must leave that family alone.
You failed them dismally. What guarantees that once you are reinstated you will not repeat the same thing? I see you cannot settle until you have made contact.
You can call your previous employer and explain everything. Be sure to apologise, maybe they will forgive you and take you in. Take it as a learning curve and a chance to become a better person. We all make mistakes, what is most important is to learn from them.
***
Future in-laws gossip about me
Hello Amai. I relocated to the USA with my parents when I was 11 and now I am 30. I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. He invited me to come over and spend a fortnight with his people since we are planning to get married. I told him that I did not understand Shona, so everyone has been making an effort to speak to me in English.
The truth is I still speak and understand the language. What’s shocking is that they are always gossiping about me. I hear and understand every word they say. I am no longer interested in joining such a family. They call me kachembere and compare me to his other local girlfriend; they think I do not understand. Amai, how can I tell them that I understand the language without causing commotion?
Response
Greetings dear writer and congratulations on your engagement. I am glad you made long distance work. I am saddened that your future in-laws say negative things about you, but you may count it as a blessing in disguise as it has made you understand them. They say he who sups with the devil must use a long spoon. You purposefully lied that you do not speak or understand the local language and this is the blow-back you are now receiving.
Why did you lie? It would seem you and his relatives are to blame. I think there are more concrete issues to resolve apart from this issue. You said they compare you to his other girlfriend. Does this not bother you? How long has she been in the picture? Can you get any concrete proof of her existence so your allegations have more meaning? It is time to have a sit-down with your fiancé and get to the bottom of all this.
As for his relatives, inasmuch as they have gossiped about you, do not let their actions reflect badly on this person since he has been a class act apart from this alleged local girlfriend rumour. Family dynamics need to be resolved by him, so his people know the extent of the damage they have caused. In future, please avoid lying and try to be as authentic as possible. Let me know what results the sit-down yields. I always advise pre-marital counselling to resolve any issues before marriage. Now would be a good time to do it. I wish you all the best.
[email protected]; WhatsApp 0771415747.
