The Sunday Mail
Life issues with FGK
THE premise of this article is to give advice to friends so that the companionship remain intact especially when the friends involve themselves in issues to do with money.
There is often a very notable shift in the quality of friendship when money exchange hands between friends, with one friend being the giver, with the other part being the receiver.
As friends, you can never be at par with your companion who has more than you.
You remain friends, yes; but the way the friendship is run will be different.
It has to be different. Most friendships crumble when one assumes a certain level of success and if the parties fail to adjust to their friend’s newly found riches.
In most instances, when one becomes successful financially, that person can fail to contain themselves and are often shocked.
The successful person might not be ready to adjust to the changes and may struggle to properly handle relationships.
Such people can then begin to act awkwardly towards their friends in a bid to adjust to their newly found fortune.
Unexpected windfalls, inheriting a fortune and winning lotteries or getting married to rich people or even getting promoted at work can cause a bit of a panic.
This often result in behavioural changes.
Firstly, such people would be trying to deal with a guilt-conscience since they might feel bad that they had made it whilst their friends are still struggling financially.
When such people go out with friends they often offer to pay for everyone’s drinks and movie tickets and so forth.
This is a good thing but the way it can be done might present them as arrogant, controlling and patronising.
It is, therefore, advisable to be very careful when dealing with such a friend who has just assumed a certain level of financial success.
Such people’s behaviour can become pompous and egotistic.
When their fortunes wane, such people can demand help from the people they would have pampered.
On the other hand, there are others who might have acquired their possessions over time.
Such people feel that money should not choose friends for them and they are willing to hang out with their broke friends even when they are successful themselves.
In their generosity, they drive their less fortunate friends around in their car to different places, they buy lunch, breakfast or dinner for their friends and pay for many other things.
The challenge then comes with the attitudes of some of the poor friends.
Many of the broke friends may feel uncomfortable having to do simple things for their rich friends.
There are simple things that can be done for someone who is paying for your food when you are enjoying as friends like opening a drink for that person or taking your rich friend’s car to a car wash
Each and every person, whether they have money or not, need to feel loved and they have a need to receive.
Even a millionaire can be made happy by a simple gift. You can even wrap an avocado or a bottle of peanut butter for them and you will be amazed at their reaction. When a relationship is balanced like this, money cease to matter.
Differences in financial success can bring about problems in friendships. Conflicts on such basic things as where to eat dinner, where to go for the Christmas holiday may occur.
Some rich friends may suggest expensive attire for a particular function, forgetting that their friends are walking on a tight budget.
This often brings resentment on the side of the broke friend. If they do not speak out, the seed of resentment will outgrow their desire to hang out with their friends and that will be the end of friendship.
In such a scenario, the poor friend might choose to walk out of the friendship. In another scenario, it is the rich friend who might see their poor friends as a burden. Differences in class is a lot more of a threat to friendships than all the other challenges in relationships. People often seek to associate themselves with those who belong to the same class as them.
Class differences has become more like homophobia and it is worse than racism.
Differences in wealth fuel tensions in friendships.
There is need to behave wisely when we are around our friends who do not have what we have because we do not know what will become of them tomorrow.
There is God in heaven who can raise one today and pull down another tomorrow. But also take note of this, affluence makes people jealous.
Your broke friends might feel like they are a loser whenever they are around you so you need to be careful because their jealous might be breeding harm.
Money pushes very primitive buttons in people. When they feel too insecure they can even end up in regression mode, where their ego retreats to a very early developmental stage.
It is normal to feel guilty every time you look at them, but you do not need to wish to be at the same level with them.
You should always thank God you have come to where you are because you can offer help to them anytime.
Help your friends even if when they don’t ask you specifically for money.
Just take some money, wrap it like a gift and offer them. With the gift approach you can offer to help financially, which could also save them from borrowing from you and thereby keeping the friendship intact.
It is not good to portray yourself as greedy when you are in the company of your rich friends. When you are less fortunate than your friends, there is often a level of insecurity and worthlessness that you might feel when you are around them.
Instead of running away from them, let the association inspire you to work hard and achieve your goal. Do not make financial demands, it irritates some people. Do not borrow from them, rich people might not feel safe around you. Enjoy your Christmas!!!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Differences in financial success brings about differences in class among friends.
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