The Sunday Mail
People don’t always solve their financial problems head on. Denial is the comfort the brain offers to deal with small setbacks. But many extend that soothing balm to deep rooted problems and prefer to wish them away.
Financial denial is a disease the afflicted unwittingly choose for themselves.
Those who live in denial of their actual financial position are prone to several foolish habits: they put on a show; they weave stories about their wealth; they do not open mails about their bills and dues; they speak as if the winners around them just got lucky; they spend as if the dues will take care of themselves; they do not discuss their actual finances with anyone; and they refuse to look at their bank statements or deal with actual facts of their financial lives; fiction alone will do.
The stories they tell others and repeat too many times are believed by them as truth and they don’t solve the real problem.
It is tough for the rest of us to identify who needs help and to take the risk of having a tough financial conversation. People choose denial because they do not want to talk about their financial problems.
They do not want to experience the negative emotions of regret, shame and guilt. They will avoid those who would remind them of their reality at all costs. Such are the dangers of denial.
There are five simple things people in denial can do, if they choose problem solving over escapism: First, get the facts together. Gather your assets, get real about your dues and work out the math.
Second, take courage from the conviction that you can start over. Don’t let the problems fester. Everyone can make a new start.
Third, set yourself a deadline and draw upon your resources and your network. Tell yourself you will find a job, pay your debt or control your spends in a year. Remind yourself each day and move with that target.
Fourth, do not make the same mistakes over and over again. Don’t borrow if you can’t repay; don’t swipe the card if you can’t pay the dues; don’t spend when you can’t afford it.
Fifth and most important, find an ally to help you out. Confess to someone. Take help. Listen to advice that you don’t like or can’t hear, if you want to get out of your problem. Allow a well wisher to guide you out.
There are five things others can do, when they find close friends or relatives in financial distress, they may need help but may live unaware of their real situation. First, cross check your facts before speaking to the person. Be genuine about your desire to help.
Gossip mongering does not help. Second, find someone close who can work with you. For instance the father, wife, friend, or anyone with knowledge of the situation, who will readily hold on to your offer for help, if they know you are genuine. They will help you with facts, and guide you with information, and also act as your conduit to break the barrier and get the affected person to listen.
Third, have workable solutions on hand. No one likes lectures and strictures; worse, don’t indulge in the blame game. Help convert the expensive loans through credit counselling; enable broadening the network through referrals; identify buyers for assets that can be liquidated; keep focus on actionables.
Fourth, do not speak about the person’s situation to others. Being the one that they can confide in and trust is what will help them come out of denial and begin to address the real issue.
Fifth, do not assume that you have to chip in money, or find donors to bail out the person. Protect their self esteem while not becoming a scapegoat yourself.
There seem to be many otherwise nice people who cannot face the realities of their own personal finances. Check you aren’t one and see how you can help. —Economic Times.
