The Sunday Mail
Life Issues with FGK
MARRIAGE does not need to rely on the financial status of its principals — what binds two people together should be greater than money.
But money still rules relationships, it is an integral part in marriage and it needs to be handled well. If neglected, money issues can leave many loopholes in a marriage.
Fights and arguments about money are inevitable in most marriages. Marriage is an institution like any other and as we know, institutions run on budgets. Marriage cannot be spared, it also needs money to stay afloat. We can never run away from this truth — money being an ingredient in the glue that keeps marriage intact.
Many people cite financial mismanagement as the number one reason for experiencing relationship strain. Previously, annoying habits and infidelity were deemed the most destructive. A recent study shows that money issues are responsible for 22 percent of divorces worldwide. The presence or absence of money may take a toll on the relationship if couples are not careful. But in this instalment, our focus is on how to manage money.
Mismanagement begins during the lobola/roora ceremony and then at the wedding ceremony. These days the average expenditure at a lobola ceremony is US$10 000. This is normally money saved over time as the groom prepares for the special day of marrying his lover.
The wedding ceremony, which they plan as a couple, then gobbles about double of what was spent on lobola. Most people cannot afford to raise all this at once, hence they are lured into debt and overdrafts. They may even approach loan sharks who will give them money at an interest rate of 40 percent or more.
These decisions will be done under the excitement of a “splendid” wedding ceremony. If couples would get proper financial advice before getting into these weird financial commitments, they would make prudent decisions that would not drown them as soon as they leave the isle.
Over committing financially has drowned many couples in debt. The blame game then begins, leading to nasty fights.
People, men in particular, feel embarrassed to divulge their financial rot. But, it is wise to always discuss your financial standing with your significant other so that they do not balloon their expectations to dizzy heights where your coffers cannot reach.
During courtship, couples should discuss outstanding debts, payments, loans and how much they earn at their respective jobs and/or businesses. It sets you free from being labelled stingy when, in fact, you are only trying to manage your spending habits which your balance sheet cannot match.
If you are already in marriage and have been dishonest with your finances, kindly find a way to disclose this information to your spouse today. Declare to them everything – your debts, your sources of income, your investments, etcetera.
Let them be angry for telling them late, they will sober up.
If you find yourselves fighting over money, sit down, discuss the cause of the fight and address it. Many do not take time to scrutinise their partners’ habits, which are often driven by something deeper than what you see on the outside.
Some women tend to spend a lot of money hoarding stuff. This might be a sign of fearing to “lack someday”. This is a fear of poverty and it needs to be addressed.
As couples, having the same goals might also streamline your desires as you work towards achieving them. Say you would like to build a house or purchase a residential stand, this means you must sit down and agree on how much you are supposed to set aside for that project.
This should also determine how much you are going to spend and what things and pleasures you are supposed to forego. Discuss the amounts to be spent on clothes and food, etcetera. ln your partner’s absence, stick to the agreed limits.
If one of you is working on a bigger goal in their own mind, they are going to face a lot of setbacks and it will be very difficult to achieve. They will set aside a few dollars for a residential stand purchase and their spouse might use that money to buy a car as a surprise birthday gift. Therefore, intentions and goals must always be declared when it comes to a couple’s money.
Avoid grey areas when it comes to money and debts.
While banks and money agencies have restrictions when it comes to your PIN numbers and advise you to keep them a secret, some spouses share those PIN numbers. When it comes to managing a marriage and being transparent within the institution, you decide how far you can go. Your marriage should never be at the mercy of your financial position.
Quote of the week: Money secrets are an abomination in marriage.
◆ Feedback: www.fgklifeissues.co.zw, Instagram: Life issues with FGK, Facebook: Life issues with FGK
