The Sunday Mail
Vanessa Gambanga – Bridal Correspondent
YOUR friend is getting married and you are excited about her pending nuptials until you receive the formal invitation. You open it to find “sorry no children” neatly written at the bottom.
It has become all too familiar. The no-children wedding invite has become the norm nowadays. Is it acceptable? Is it polite to have such a policy? I dare say is it fair?
It has actually become controversial in many circles. I think every couple has the right to exercise their right to invite whom they wish. Let’s have an objective look at this topical issue.
The no argument
Waste not: Let’s face it, weddings cost money, money to host your friends and loved ones comfortably. When everything is taken into consideration, many people cannot have a large banquet-style wedding due to the price tag it attracts.
So it makes sense that when you invite your friends and family you are working on a budget, extra people is equal to more mouths to feed. Ever notice how children tend to eat very little at functions, the half empty soft drink bottles, the meats and salads left untouched. All contribute to a lot of waste.
Goodbye sophistication, hello tacky: I have attended many weddings where the bride was obviously going for chic or classy as evidenced by the venue, dress code and theme of the event.
However, when a wedding has many child guests it suddenly becomes more like a country fair.
This is particularly true for African weddings where they make quite a large proportion of the attendees. Lest I forget the kids with tear stained cheeks ruining your wedding album. I rest my case.
Order in the house: You want a well co-ordinated wedding? That is easy — take children out of the equation. When there are no children at a wedding it is easier to co-ordinate seating arrangements, people file in faster in the reception venue and there will be no screaming or crying children during the solemn parts of the ceremony.
Another plus is that there will be no announcements of missing children over the PA system, disturbing the flow of events.
I have attended a wedding where one young man found much pleasure in dismantling the floral arrangements.
It ruins the ambience of the venue and needless to say the decorator’s hard work going to waste.
Safety first: Looking for a wedding venue is not always easy. When people plan their weddings and choose the ideal venue, safety and security is not a chief concern. However, when one has to take children into consideration, the pool side or the lake side may be a risky affair. Venues with water bodies will obviously raise the possibility of naughty kids falling in.
On the subject of mischief, don’t you just hate children whose sense of adventure is kindled at the sight of your colourful drapes?
Little terrors, menaces: Some children are just a lot of work. Maybe the atmosphere causes heightened excitement or they are short of discipline whatever the reason, some children are a handful.
From the wanderers; those that make a mess, the squealers and screamers, and anything in-between.
They do cause nerves to fray and they do make the day anything but pleasant. When children are invited you are guaranteed to have mothers moving up and down to catch the wanderers.
The yes argument
While many people will insist there is not a single positive reason for having children I found a few. When a close family member weds one does not want little nieces and nephews missing out on the grand occasion. So children should be included. I am definitely old school and believe children should be seen and not heard.
However, there have been times when a child’s laugh or a clumsy cherubic looking flower girl has warmed my heart. At times children add humour and life to an event
The no-children clause in invitations has been known to ruffle feathers in families. Some guests will interpret a no-children policy as a personal attack. I say that you cannot please everybody.
The downside is that some people will stay away because they genuinely don’t have a baby sitter or they are just ticked off by the exclusion policy.
Finally a wedding is a happy family gathering not a stage play or an awards dinner. Black tie events at five-star hotels are wonderful but is this not taking it too far? After all, family is about love, inclusion and sharing.
