The Sunday Mail
Mertha Mo Nyamande
THE advent of drug and alcohol abuse within our communities has left many parents angry and confused.
They are clearly grappling with how to manage a problem they neither understand nor are ready to tackle.
This has prompted many to take their family members to prisons and psychiatric units, as there is seemingly nothing else available to help them. There should always be options in life, but we do not seem to have much in this regard.
Today, we seek to shed more light on this problem so that whenever we think of whatever action to take, we are better informed. The idea is to eventually take action that will help and not make things worse. Our children have grown up in an environment that is far worse than that of the past.
Whatever you went through, as parents, they did, too. Whatever they are going through, you are, too. This is the nature of our connectedness.
The trauma of war and poverty you may have gone through, they are suffering it, too, through your hidden pain.
Would you say you left all that back in Highfield, Mbare, the rural home or Chimoio?
Is that not the same thinking that is driving you even to this very day?
We are all as guilty as sin when it comes to these problems.
Addictions are more of a collective problem than an individual’s.
Instead of attributing this problem to an individual, let us change the lens we are using in looking at the issue. We should realise that we have all played a part in the creation of the problem and maintaining it. Whenever there is a problem, let us all sit down and have a mediator to help us see what is wrong with our perception of normalcy.
Is it real or we just got used to our pain?
Are we just pushing the distress down through generations?
Whatever we avoid dealing with, but hide in our hearts and minds, we are essentially leaving it for our children and grandchildren to address. But they do not really understand the origins and creators of the problems.
This is how we end up with “generational curses”.
No problem or secret goes to the grave with us. The moment we die, whatever problems we hid become worse for those we leave behind. Death takes away all hope of resolving them.
All of a sudden, they have a much heavier burden to try and solve without your guidance.
We tend to think that “rehab” will fix the problem. Think again!
“Rehabilitation” is clearly not the solution. Nothing that causes pain will just go away. It needs to be dealt with, and reconciliation achieved. No wonder some wars never end, even centuries later.
The trauma does not require secretive interventions in some isolated shrines.
It requires proper, deep, meaningful and respectful heart-to-heart talks between the victims and the perpetrators. We are all victims in the end, even the so-called perpetrators.
The moment we point a finger at the drug user, he or she then has to carry all that burden alone.
We then take them to psychiatric facilities that are just for extreme cases of distress and more chronic issues because the problems have been left for far too long.
Psychiatric facilities are not rehabilitation centres. The staff are not trained to deal with addiction cases.
If you go to a pharmacy, you will get tablets or other medication. When you visit a doctor, you will get a prescription.
The wisdom is in knowing the problem and where to take it.
The dilemma the people taking drugs face is that they end up being bundled up as psychiatric patients because there is no other support available to them.
Talk of double tragedy.
The lasting solution to this problem lies in families and communities that understand and recognise the true nature of their problems to provide safe spaces to discuss issues in ways that prevent these vulnerable people falling through the cracks into psychiatric spaces.
Substance use is a very poor solution to whatever emotional turmoil they are going through.
There should be support available so that they can get informed of the risks of continued use.
There should be real solution-focused approaches, not some public talk from partially informed individuals. What is needed is to discuss why they have gone down that route and what can be done to support them, beyond the “Say No to Drugs” and “Taking Drugs is Suicide” mantras. They already know this.
The problem is “it is the only available solution” to whatever turmoil they are facing alone, and there has not been anything better for them, apart from the added life stressors like idleness, higher personal or professional expectations and other social pressures, with less money to cater for whatever needs.
There is a fine line between love and hate, and between victim and perpetrator.
Look and think beyond the pain or the behaviour that is in front of you. Go to the root cause.
We are all victims of circumstances. The only way out is lifting each other up.
Mertha Mo Nyamande is a psychotherapist. He can be contacted on: [email protected] or @ www.i-wellbeing.weebly.com
