The Sunday Mail
Theseus Shambare
TODAY, the world celebrates Mother’s Day.
This is a day when we celebrate and honour mothers and maternal figures for all they do in our personal lives and their work in society at large.
Without doubt, women have played a pivotal role in developing communities across the globe, Zimbabwe included.
Gender experts opine women make many of the decisions that determine a household’s participation in the community. The decisions can be on health care, as well as educational and cultural issues, among other things.
But many feel single mothers deserve special mention for their courage and resilience despite the daunting challenges they face on a daily basis, especially when dealing with the male offspring.
Circumstances that lead one to be a single mother differ but one thing for certain is that this is the biggest test of life any woman can face.
One has to put up with being the sole breadwinner in the family, raising kids and securing their future single-handedly, and braving unfriendly societal labelling.
In short, a single mother is all about grit, determination and substance.
Last week, The Sunday Mail Society interviewed a couple of single mothers for an insight into their lives.
Resilience
Lita Zharanji
Lita Zharanji (name changed) — an HIV-positive widow from Epworth, whose husband succumbed to an AIDS-related illness some 23 years ago — was left to raise three children alone.
The youngest and eldest then were in Grade Two and Grade Four, respectively.
“It was the biggest test of my life. Raising three kids after my husband died was not a stroll in the park. I felt like the world was crumbling around me. Every day of my life felt like I was climbing a steep mountain,” said the 51-year-old Zharanji.
She said life took a nasty turn following the demise of the patriarch, who was the sole wage earner.
“He was the breadwinner and I was the homemaker. But after his death, I had to make drastic changes to my lifestyle. I needed to work to support the family.
“It was not easy but with the support of neighbours, I engaged in cross-border trading, which I never imagined myself doing back then. Before that, I took up all types of menial jobs and, at one point, worked as a security guard at Robert Gabriel Mugabe International Airport, where I would work night shifts then. During the day, I would attend home-based care workshops with different AIDS support organisations,” she narrated.
Many people encouraged her to remarry but she was not for the idea.
Her focus, she said, was to make the best of her time in ensuring her children’s lives were as comfortable as possible.
Besides, she was then discouraged by public misconceptions that it was impossible for an HIV-positive person to live beyond five years.
“Back then, we used to hear that we would die three years after testing positive. Thus, I started working hard with the aim of completing our house, which was left at slab level by my husband. I did not want to leave my children homeless in the event of my untimely death.
“Besides, my children were academically gifted such that they would always come first in their respective classes and this pushed me to work hard. I am now 51 and am glad that all my children have grown into adults,” she added with a smile.
Good times roll
Zharanji said times like Mother’s Day remind her of her late husband but she still celebrates with pride as her second-born son is now employed and has since bought her a car — a Mercedes-Benz sedan.
The eldest daughter is married with two kids and her last-born is studying for an engineering degree in South Africa under a scholarship.
Zharanji has acquired several survival skills and occupies leadership positions within her HIV/AIDS support groups.
“I am now a qualified home-based carer and employed by some families in leafy suburbs. My working conditions are flexible because I take care of elderly persons who are seldom in the country. However, the remuneration is good. I also conduct baking tutorials, for a fee, at home,” she revealed.
Rejected but still standing
Society has not been kind to 34-year-old Shamiso Chabata.
She got married soon after sitting her Ordinary Level examinations but divorced when the marriage was just two years old due to irreconcilable differences with her husband.
Since then, Chabata has been a single mother of a 14-year-old girl.
“Raising a child single-handedly is not easy but life teaches you how to survive all situations and how to treat your child. In terms of parenting, it is like playing good cop and bad cop at the same time.
‘‘I have to be strict with my daughter and be nice, too, since I know that she does not have another parent to turn to and seek comfort,” explained Chabata.
The community condemned and rejected her when she became single at 19. They would gossip about her, suggesting she would lose focus in life and end up resorting to prostitution.
However, Chabata was not moved.
“Nobody gave me a chance in life except my parents, who offered me an opportunity to follow my dreams of being a hairdresser. They sent me to college and today, I am financially stable. I can afford to employ others,” she said.
She has space in a leading salon in the heart of Harare’s central business district.
“I cannot even have a day off because of the pressure I have from my clients. I am booked every single day,” said Chabata, who thanked her parents for their unconditional support.
Her daughter is currently doing Form One at St John’s Chikwaka boarding school in Goromonzi and she meets all her school fees and other needs.
Dumped
In 2011, Tatenda Charowa’s husband went to South Africa in search of the proverbial greener pastures but never returned home.
“My husband crossed the border after he was invited for a job by his cousin. In the early days, he would call and send some money for upkeep but he eventually cut communication.
“Rumours suggested he got married to a South African. Initially, I thought of following him but later realised the risk I would put myself into in a foreign land.
“As months turned into years, I told myself I could go it alone. Recently, when he came to Zimbabwe for a visit, I just allowed him to meet his son, and I told him we had moved on. I am taking care of myself and my son,” said the proud 30-year-old mother.
Charowa now runs a retail outlet in Harare and has a van she uses for the business. She also has a house in Ruwa.
“I started by importing groceries from South Africa using ‘runners’ when Government scrapped import duty on groceries and one thing led to another,” she said.
Her son, Tadisa, is in Grade Six.
“As I celebrate Mother’s Day, I am grateful for the greatest gift God gave me. I count my blessings because I am Tadisa’s mum. Of course, I never wanted to be a solo parent, but I am blessed to be his mother, who is able to provide for him.”
Advice
Top female boxer Kudakwashe “Take Money” Chiwandire, who is a single mother of three, including twins, said she has been through a lot in life.
Chiwandire reckons the need for women to persevere when faced with challenges.
“Two years ago, I was a street vendor, running battles in the central business district with City of Harare’s police. I would also juggle vending and hairdressing and, at one point, I temporarily quit boxing — a sport that I strongly believed would deliver me out of poverty,” she said.
“Today, Mother’s Day, I look back and thank God for helping me sail through.
‘‘To other women, I advise them to never depend on men for anything but learn to stand by themselves.
“It is good to be married but if the partner is abusive, you do not have to sacrifice your happiness and health for the sake of being with someone.”
Chiwandire is currently ranked in the top 10 best female super bantamweight boxers in the world by the World Boxing Council.
Socialite, music promoter and philanthropist Mahwindo, born Wanisai Mutandwa, encouraged women to be careful when dealing with men.
“The man I initially married lied to me that he was divorced yet he was not. I only discovered it after we were married. The marriage was associated with conflicts with the senior wife, hence I decided to end the union. I considered how I would feel if I was the first wife,” she said.
“Considering that I am a celebrity, when we separated, many people blamed me for the collapse of the marriage.
‘‘It is hard to justify yourself if you are a public figure but I moved on and I consider myself a successful single mother.
“I work hard to meet the needs of my daughter, Makanaka. Whatever decision I take, I consider that I have a teenager who looks up to me.”
Mahwindo said she has turned down several marriage proposals.
“I fear having my daughter being victimised. We read stories of fathers raping their biological daughters.
‘‘How about someone’s daughter? I am in a relationship but I am hesitant to get married. Considering the nature of my work, I would want someone who respects me and my daughter, and understands the type of people I work with so that we will not have any problems in the future. I always celebrate Mother’s Day with pride,” she said.
