The Sunday Mail
Apostle Kanyati Matrimonial Hub
IN my last article,” How to keep your marriage in good working order”, I emphasised on two aspects, communication and commitment. We discussed that communication is a key piece of healthy relationships whereby couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis.
As such we communicate all issues openly and with love rather than thinking that one day we will wake up expecting all the problems we may be having to vanish on their own.
Marriage is comprised of a commitment to another person and commitment to deal with issues as we talk about them with the intention of solving them.
These and the following provide oneness in order to achieve a blissful marriage. No matter how far a couple has traveled down the road to isolation in their relationship, they can still start on a road that leads to oneness in marriage.
Oneness in marriage is formed by a husband and wife who are grafting intimacy, trust and understanding with one another. It’s a couple chiseling out a common direction, purpose, and plan. Oneness in marriage demands a lifetime process of relying on God and forging an enduring relationship according to His design. It’s more than a mere mingling of two humans.
It’s a tender merger of body, soul and spirit. Oneness in marriage has been compared to a pair of scissors – two components joined, never to be separated. Scissor blades frequently go in different directions, but they are most powerful when working together.
King Solomon said, “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3-4, emphasis added).
Note the results when a marriage is built, established, and filled according to God’s plan. There is no room in this house for isolation. It’s been renovated and firmly fixed. The richness of its value and the pleasure of its enjoyment fills every room. This is a portrait of what it means to be one with your spouse.
Here are three foundational components of oneness in marriage:
Oneness in marriage needs wisdom.
Wisdom is skill in everyday living. It means that we respond to circumstances according to God’s design. A wise homebuilder recognises God as the architect and builder of marriages. As we ask God for wisdom and search the scriptures, He supplies the skill to build our home.
King David warned, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain,” (Psalm 127:1). For many, the architect and builder of the marriage is “self.” It’s no wonder so many marriages fail.
Many couples are outwardly successful, but privately their home is riddled with conflict, they harbor resentment and withheld affection. This can only stop when you ask the Lord to be the architect and builder of your marriage and family. This includes committing to deal with the issues.
Oneness in marriage needs understanding. Understanding means responding to life’s circumstances with insight—a perspective that looks at life through God’s eyes. Understanding your mate from God’s perspective results in acceptance of his or her differences and beginning to learn how God made that person to complement you.
Understanding produces compassion for your spouse. It will give you insight to lead wisely or to follow prudently. Understanding builds oneness by establishing the relationship on a foundation of common insight.
Oneness in marriage needs knowledge. The point here is that Solomon was talking about a knowledge that fills homes with “precious and pleasant riches.” It’s more than mere information—it’s a knowledge that results in convictions and applications. It’s a truly teachable spirit that applies God’s blueprints amidst the raw reality of life. Many of us need accountability in order to apply what we have learned to our marriage. We need someone who will break through our self-built fences and our crowded loneliness and ask us if we are applying what we are learning in our marriages.
For some it is because they have allowed certain individuals of unquestionable characters to come into their lives. This has resulted in that negative effect on their former great marriages. If your friends do not respect the sanctity of marriage that will in one way or the other cause you to become like them. So do away with such negative friendships and focus on building your marriage. Remember, not everyone wants to see you enjoying a healthy marriage.
Like some individuals reading this article, you may have already started your journey of marriage or planning to. You started by wanting the best and thoughts of becoming isolated or lonely never entered your mind. You were probably quite sure that your marriage would not be affected by a feeling of disappointment or mediocrity.
Now, perhaps, symptoms of isolation are becoming apparent, or you may realise you have been living with it for years.
The good news is that isolation can be defeated. This disease can be cured if you are willing to make the right choices and then put the necessary effort into building oneness. Enjoy your marriage.
Apostle Langton Charles Kanyati is the president and founder of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited interdenominational
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