The Sunday Mail
IN the good old days, buses used to run on time. Never a second late or early, they were always — always — on time.
It was, therefore, not uncommon for folks to sleep at the bus station, especially on infrequently serviced routes, just to catch that once-in-a-week chicken bus.
And you had to be there, standing and ready to board, when the bus arrived to avoid being left behind, which meant one had to endure another week-long postponement for a highly urgent trip, as were all journeys at that time.
It was particularly painful for those who would have walked to within a stone’s throw of the bus stop when it arrived, for it did not wait for anyone.
Screaming, gesturing or flagging it down was futile.
Gift Ostallos Siziba
In the frenzy of keeping time, the bus conductors always stole the show.
As kids, we marvelled at their daredevil stunts.
Always strapping leather sling bags — out of which came the ticket book and into which fares would be stuffed or stashed — they had a remarkable way of pivoting themselves against the vertical metal bars that were found on either side of the aisle and effortlessly scribble on the ticket, all the while withstanding the giddiness that came with a fast-moving bus.
But they usually unleashed their full repertoire of skills when passengers either boarded or disembarked at bus stops that were littered along the routes.
Thabani Mpofu
It was an unspoken rule that those who were about to disembark had to make their way to the front in time, during which period the conductor opened the door of the moving bus and, using seemingly prehensile arms and legs, crawl, crab-like, onto the top of the bus to unfasten the luggage.
Depending on the size and fragility of the luggage, as soon as the passenger disembarked, it was either flung into their outstretched arms or onto the ground.
In instances where those boarding had their own luggage as well, other members of the bus crew would lob it towards the perched conductor, who would, in turn, speedily fasten it.
If you happened to have heavy luggage that would take an inordinately long time to secure, or you were not willing to pay the steep price to compensate for the envisaged time that would be lost during loading (which meant lost business), you were left behind.
And, as was the ritual, the conductor would signal the driver — those old madalas with a strange liking for fedora hats — to drive off by rhythmically beating the side of the bus four times — ba! ba! ba! ba!
In cases where the conductor had to climb down using those metallic staircases at the back, they would usually sprint, Usain Bolt-like, beside the bus as the driver was going through the gears, and, with consummate dexterity, cling onto the unsteady door before inserting themselves inside, after which the bus sped off.
You probably now know where the modern-day hwindis came from. Kikikikiki.
All these stunts were executed within a split second to both keep within the bus timetable and, in the face of competition, pick up as many passengers as possible, thereby beat rivals.
So, naturally, we became used to forlorn-looking, crestfallen folk sheepishly trooping back to the village after missing the bus.
This is the reason fear of missing the bus became one of the most traumatic and dreaded phobias in the village.
The bus has left the station
Over the past couple of weeks, Bishop Lazi has seen some desperate politicians holding out hope that somehow results of the August 23-24 harmonised elections will be nullified to pave the way for a fresh poll.
This yarn is being insidiously promoted by none other than CCC leader Nelson Chamisa, who has mastered the make-believe art of tricking his spellbound supporters into believing he has a plan up his sleeve to catapult him to power soon.
This fib is also being propagated by some online news sites, which are actively pretending that the Southern African Development Community will either order a fresh poll or force the ruling party and opposition to negotiate a power-sharing agreement.
Well, this is nothing more than a political wet dream that is obviously born out of extravagant ignorance of the principle of sovereignty of states and an incredible lack of appreciation of the ambit within which regional bodies operate.
And all this continues to happen even as Angola — the chair of the regional bloc — continues to state ad infinitum that our elections were peaceful, free, fair and credible.
Polls, with the exception of a few by-elections occasioned by the post-election implosion of a soul-searching opposition party, are now done and dusted, and behind us.
That bus has already left the station.
From where the Bishop stands, Chamisa will forever rue the squandered opportunity to re-engineer, redesign and reconfigure the country’s opposition politics when he ill-advisedly spurned an opportunity to work together with ZANU PF in the aftermath of the 2018 elections.
The potential epoch-making moment came on August 24, 2018, when President ED, being the statesman he is, magnanimously made a plea to Chamisa to put Zimbabwe’s national interest first.
“I once again reiterate my call for peace and unity above all,” tweeted ED on X (formerly Twitter), adding: “Nelson Chamisa, my door is open and my arms are outstretched, we are one nation, and we must put our nation first. Let us all now put our differences behind us. It is time to move forward together.”
But this was immaturely and unstrategically interpreted by Chamisa as a sign of weakness, and the rest is history.
History scholars would probably look back at this moment as a potential inflection point that could have changed Zimbabwe’s politics forever.
Had it turned out different, Zimbabwe would have had an opportunity to redefine itself, away from the politics of rancour to the politics of cooperation, which is the essence of progressive politics.
Imagine that there was a time when the idea of creating the Office for the Leader of the Opposition was floated.
But that was then, this is now.
Bishop Lazarus recently told you that the opposition was now in a state of flux following the August 23-24 chastising electoral defeat.
They are unsure — confused even — about the next steps to take, which will be critical in defining their future.
In the face of the growing rebellion within its ranks, the CCC has decided to bury its head in the sand by pretending that its current internal strife is not being caused by its own aggrieved cadres, but is being stirred and sponsored by ZANU PF.
And, on the strength of this self-deluding claim, the party has since made a decision not to participate in the December 9 by-elections, effectively donating the seats to the ruling party.
This ominously points to Chamisa’s headstrong and narcissist style of leadership, which is driven by a seemingly psychotic god complex.
It does not help that he has surrounded himself with a coterie of callow politicians, such as Gift Ostallos Siziba and the impudent lawyer Thabani Mpofu, from whom he daily takes misleading advice that informs his missteps.
It is probably Mpofu who stands out the most as Chamisa’s bosom buddy, confidant, workmate and somewhat adviser.
Some CCC comrades say he is now being considered a Gregori Rasputin of sorts because he has become so influential within the party to the extent that they fear the power he exercises over the young politician.
For those who do not know the story of the Russian mystic Rasputin, the Bishop will summarise.
This chap wormed his way into the good graces of the Russian monarch — Emperor Nicholas II and Empress Alexandra — by helping improve the condition of their son and heir to the throne, Aleksey Nikolayevich, who suffered from haemophilia.
This master of the occult, who considered himself a holy man, used his closeness to the royal family to dabble in affairs of the state.
Nowhere did this become more apparent than in 1915, when Rasputin effectively became the de facto emperor after Nicholas II left to personally take command of his forces during World War I.
To cut the long story short, his actions irked some influential members of the court, who later plotted his assassination.
This was just the beginning of a calamitous end of members of the Russian monarch, who were also later similarly assassinated.
They say a fly that does not heed advice follows a corpse to the grave.
And wise counsel can only come from the mature and experienced.
There are lessons to be learnt in the biblical story of King Rehoboam, who disregarded counsel from the elders and sought advice from his peers.
1 King 12: 6-11 says: “Then King Rehoboam consulted the elders who had served his father Solomon during his lifetime. ‘How would you advise me to answer these people?’ he asked. They replied, ‘If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favourable answer, they will always be your servants.’
“But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. He asked them, ‘What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?’
“The young men who had grown up with him replied, ‘These people have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter.’ Now tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’”
With friends like this, who needs enemies?
Suffice to say, it did not end well for King Rehoboam.
Job 12 verse 12 tells us: “Wisdom belongs to the aged and understanding to the old.”
This is why our African societies were guided by wise hoary old men and women.
But Zimbabwe is moving ahead.
The message could not have been any clearer from ZANU PF, which concluded its crucial annual conference yesterday.
The country’s priority going forward is to assiduously work to achieve a modern, industrialised and prosperous country well ahead of the set target in 2030.
The bus has already left the station.
Bishop out!
