The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Mudzimba
How best can we take care of my in-laws?
Hello Mai Chisamba, I hope I find you well. I am a 52-year-old man and my eldest child recently sat for her Advanced Levels. My wife has two other sisters and their parents suffer from several ailments. They are well into their eighties.
They have a roster where each one of them spends a month with their parents taking care of them. Because of family commitments, my wife finds it hard to stick to this routine and had suggested to her younger sister — who is a nun — that she would be willing to pay her and provide provisions if she would cover for her.
She declined and said everyone had to pitch in. My question now is: How best can we resolve this?
Response
Hello writer, I am well, and thanks for asking. I am glad that you are so concerned about your in-laws. It is hard for your wife to be away from her own family for a month.
If this arrangement now proves to be burdensome, she must put something in place. Perhaps hire a nurse aid or someone specialised to be a caregiver that can assist her parents around the clock.
Her younger sister was right when she said everyone must pitch in. Make it a collaborative effort and get everyone on the same page.
If you are all committed to assisting your in-laws the best way to can, I am sure good things will happen. Keep up the good work and this spirit of altruism.
***
To do or not to do?
Amai, I hope you are keeping safe in this pandemic. I am a 22-year-old man and I am single.
The truth is, I have never dated before. I do not take rejection well. There is a certain girl I have a crush on and we are good friends.
Of late, the girl has been talking to me and never misses a chance to discuss love-related topics. She now frequents my place and when she comes, she does my laundry and prepares meals for the two of us.
For Valentine’s, she gave me a present that one can only receive from a girlfriend. I ended up buying flowers, which she happily accepted.
Amai, should I try and ask her out? Do you think it will work? I do not want to disappoint her because I do not want to lose her.
Response
Hello writer, I trust you are well. I have been adhering to guidelines on how to prevent the contraction and spread of Covid-19. I hope all of my readers are too.
You are young and the past has not been kind to you. It is true a burnt child dreads fire. You have been taking it one step at a time with this girl and I think you are ready. Let her know you would like her to be your girlfriend.
Do not fear rejection; it is better to know how people truly feel about you than to suffer inside. Live with no regrets.
At some point everyone has been unlucky in love. Do not miss your chance focusing on what-ifs.
Something tells me she is dying for you to ask her out. Please try and minimise visits to your place.
Keep it innocent and do not bite off more than you can chew. Take it easy and you will be fine.
***
My honeymoon phase
is being ruined
Thank you so much for your column. I am a newly-wed but I am falling out of love by the minute.
The reason is because my hubby and his family have taken over my one-bedroomed apartment. His mother and father are controlling him and sending people to my place. He moved in after we tied the knot.
His mother proceeded to impose that we take in his nephews, who now sleep in the lounge.
One of his aunts from the rural areas came to stay with us as she is receiving medical treatment in Harare. She was told to come here by his parents.
She sleeps in the kitchen and even invites people to visit her. I want my space and I am not really fond of all of this. My hubby is scared to set his parents straight. What must I do? I told him if it does not stop I will leave.
Response
Thank you for following the column and being inspired and learning from it. You are right that you are supposed to be enjoying your honeymoon.
It is hard for you to set the tone with your hubby’s parents, especially from the word go. That responsibility falls mostly on him. In the era of Covid-19, it is unsanitary to huddle in small spaces as well as receive a lot of visitors and extra mouths to feed.
Continue to relay the message. There is no need for you to leave; this is your apartment and it is your home. Long before you married him how did his family make do?
Try and rope in a third party such as a counsellor to help him see the light. If he is going to be the father of the house, he needs to man up and make sure the space you occupy together is respected.
Do not be quick to throw in the towel. I am sure a bit of assertiveness will get you the results you are looking for. I wish you well.
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