Must I walk away?
Hello amai, I hope you are well. I am a 23-year-old woman and a mother of one, a girl. I had the child when I was still very young, and the father of the child is still in school — he has been for the last three years. At first, we would communicate a lot and things were ok, but over the last year or so I have seen a change in him, and he has become distant.
I have met someone else and I am wondering if I should give him a chance since things are not really working out with the father of my child. Please help.
Response
Hello writer. I am very well, thanks for asking. I am getting the impression that the two of you have been dragging along this relationship for the sake of the child. Did this man pay lobola for you? Does he mention you in his plans at all?
I think before you make your next move you need to ask him all these questions. Having children at a young age is difficult often because it is rushed and not well-thought-out.
The fact that you have found someone else shows you have no feelings for the father of your child anymore. Talk it out with him for the best way forward. The child must be looked after well and you must move on with your life.
At times there is really nothing to work with. I think his silence speaks volumes. Resolve this fragmented relationship before you move on since it will complicate your next relationship. I wish you well.
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My daughter betrayed me
I am a heartbroken 40-year-old woman. I have twins who are 20 and one of them has had a rocky relationship with me. She resents me and claims that I was too hard on her growing up. She even says I am a bad mother and that her father deserves better.
I got the shock of my life when I found out that she and my husband betrayed my trust. My husband had an extramarital affair with a younger woman who was pretending to be my daughter’s friend. She would even come for sleepovers. I confronted my daughters about it and they both did not deny it. They did not even show remorse. I am so heartbroken and disappointed. How can I recover from this?
Response
Your tale is heartbreaking, to say the least. I am actually more disappointed in your spouse. He should know better. The fact that he plotted all of this behind your back with your own daughter is scary and disrespectful. Your family is torn apart and the issues stem back.
What kind of upbringing did you give your daughters? Is some of this resentment even remotely justified? You need to take the entire family for group counselling. As a family, you must get to the bottom of all this tension in the house. Whether you like it or not, you are a family and blood is thicker than water. You need to try and resolve this. As for your husband, you need to go for couples counselling. You need closure; what he did was hurtful.
It is up to you if you can forgive him and pick up the pieces. It is going to be a long road, seeing as he broke your trust. This is a trying time for you. Please surround yourself with supportive friends and family until you can turn the tide. With time it will get better, and with therapy and dialogue, a greater understanding of what transpired will be revealed.
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I am confused
Dear amai, I am a 24-year-old woman and I am dating a 28-year-old guy. In the beginning, he was very sweet and claimed he had shown interest in me since we were in high school. He claims he wants to marry me next year, and he is financially stable. The problem I have with him is that he does not communicate and we can go for days and up to a week without talking.
He says since I am a student he does not want to disturb me. I am really tired of all of this. We only ever meet at his place where he tries to be intimate with me and I deny him the chance.
Is this love? I have met a 27-year-old who is the exact opposite.
We have great chemistry and we communicate well. I told him about my situation and he was ready to let me go, but he insisted that he would be interested in having a relationship with me if I broke up with my current boyfriend.
He is a student and not financially stable and confessed that it may be years before he is able to marry me. What must I do?
Response
Hello writer, thanks for writing in. You are in a dilemma. Let us start with your current boyfriend. I do not think he cares about you at all. Love is all about actions and the lack of effort tells me he is just not interested. The writing is on the wall and I would advise you to stop flogging a dead horse. Oftentimes young women are lured by the promise of marriage.
It is a carrot that is placed in front of you, but you may chase and never reach. There is a saying that you must go where you are celebrated and not tolerated. This other guy has potential and seems to be honest. However, if marriage is what you seek and he cannot provide it, you may grow weary of his antics.
Take some time out and reflect on what you want and who you feel can be an ideal match for you.
It may not even be both of these guys. When you are making a big decision such as settling down, take your time and stand guided by your emotions and mind. Great haste makes great waste.
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