The Sunday Mail
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Mudzimba
Long-distance relationship a strain
Hello Amai. I hope I find you well. I am a young lady aged 19 in a relationship with a 25-year-old guy. The relationship is good and we are growing together as a couple.
However, there is a strain stemming from the fact that we are miles apart. I stay in Marondera and he stays in Mutoko. We do not see each other often because of transport costs. I am writing in to ask how best I can go about this? It is really weighing on me.
Response
Hello writer. I am very well, thanks for asking. Your issue is complex but definitely not unique. The truth is while long-distance relationships may be hard, others make it work.
Technology is on your side. You can make use of calls and video calls to feel that much closer. Talk about your goals and the plans you have for each other. I am curious though, how did you meet? You seem worlds apart physically. I hope there are plans of you two being reunited like moving to the same city.
He could move in search of work and you could make the move to go to university. Rest easy. If it is meant to be and both of you continue to put in effort, it will blossom. I wish you all the best of luck.
***
Wife does not want
to stay with me
I am a middle-aged man and I am going through a lot. I have been married for the past 27 years. For the last seven years, I was working outside the country. I have three children.
My two daughters are both married and I have two grandkids. My last born is 11. When I came back, my wife refused to live with me. It has been a month now and it seems her sekurus are in on it.
She says she wants a divorce and I am still trying to save my marriage. I think something was going on in my absence. Must I continue fighting for my marriage or move on? I am so confused, please assist.
Response
Indeed, you are going through a turbulent time. I would like to say there is no smoke without fire, but your guess about what went on during your absence is just as good as mine.
It would be easier to ask her. She is not being cooperative or in a state to suggest marriage counselling. Since her sekurus are also in on it, try and probe what really caused this. I would also like to ask the nature of your time abroad. Did you call frequently? Did you send provisions?
Did your wife want you to go in the first place and do you think rumours about what you were doing abroad could have circulated?
The truth is all is guesswork at this point. You need to try and create dialogue; only then will you be able to see how best to move forward.
***
When is the right
time to get married?
I am a 24-year-old lady and I recently enrolled at a university.
I now have secured finances to pay for my tertiary education. I know 24 is a bit advanced of an age to start learning but I am giving it my best shot.
I have a boyfriend who wants to marry me, but I think it is too soon and he must wait until I finish school, which will be at least another four years.
Will he wait that long and am I being impractical? I do not want to risk losing him. He is a really good guy, please help.
Response
First thing is first, there is no one answer to your questions.
Others believe it happens in God’s time and others strongly believe you can feel it when the time is right. In 2020, women are capable of juggling marriage, education and motherhood at the same time.
It is difficult but so long as you try there are no limits on what you can achieve. If you feel like you want to focus on your studies, then do exactly that and tell your partner to be patient.
Do not feel pressured by societal norms. Twenty-four is still a young age.
Is your degree programme very taxing that you cannot divide your attention? You cannot be guided by probabilities. Losing your partner remains a possibility even after tying the knot. Check divorce rates in this country.
The best thing is to ask yourself what kind of woman you are: If you want to juggle what life is throwing at you, or if you want to take a more cautious approach, where you deal with one thing at a time. I also want to dispel a warped notion that there is an age to learning.
Self-improvement is a life-long journey, thus you can start school at 24 or even 34. It does not matter. Take time out and decide what is best for you. You only have one life to live.
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