What is love?

SOMETIMES we can’t define love but we can only define it if lovers are tested by different situations and circumstances.

If they can fight storms and not give up that is when we sit down and say, that is love. When money comes into your relationship, will your love remain the same? When the same money disappears, will the love remain?

When Tinashe got married, he didn’t have anything as he was struggling to put food on the table but his wife didn’t have a problem with that. After six years of struggling and hustling, a miracle finally came when he got a job that changed everything about him.

The job took him from Kuwadzana where he was staying at his wife’s parents’ house and landed him in Highlands.

Within two years everything about him changed. He was given a campany car. Many times people don’t know how to handle these transitions. They are not psychologically prepared to still remain calm as the money flows into a relationship.

Tinashe started going out to places he had never been to. For the first time in his life, he started drinking alcohol. He stopped going to church where he used to go daily, where he prayed to God to change his fortunes, and he joined other men that were drinking and always partying.

These men had so many girlfriends and it was fashionable for them to have different women. In no time he was introduced to the friends of these men’s girlfriends and he grabbed one for himself.

In the first days, Tinashe was able to juggle everything. He would go to see his girlfriend and would still go home. Though his girlfriend had accepted Tinashe as a married man, she had an ambition to replace his wife.

Though she was beautiful, she didn’t have character. She was hard to please, always complaining and demanding more.

If Tinashe bought her something, she would suggest something else. It seemed as if she wasn’t born to appreciate anything but to demand everything.

Over time, Tinashe started skipping going home as he gave excuses that he was working out of the city. But you can’t keep a secret for a long time. It was inevitable that Tinashe started having problems with his wife. Then the girlfriend went on to steal the contact number of Tinashe’s wife and told her that she had taken over her husband.

Tinashe had to make a decision and he chose his girlfriend. He forgot about the woman who loved him when he had nothing. His new wife was different from his first wife. His first wife was very tolerant, she could withstand poverty, she understood that life is all about seasons.

But his new wife was different.

She was impatient, very confrontational and  could start a physical fight at the slightest “provocation”. She didn’t love people, she didn’t want Tinashe’s mother to visit and was not a church-going person like his wife. She loved drinking and going out most of the times.

These are things that Tinashe didn’t like about her. Each time he tried to change her they would fight. She would receive calls at odd hours and didn’t want to be questioned. After staying with her for two years he caught her cheating. She wasn’t satisfied with the idea of having one man yet she wanted to be married at the same time.

Tinashe made the mistake of forgiving her, thinking it was going to change but it got worse.

Then he caught her with another man in his own house. That is what led to the end of their marriage.

Tinashe got back to his wife. She forgave him and never judged him. She was still single and never dated anyone after their marriage collapsed. Somehow, she still hoped and prayed that he was going to return. She had true love for her husband. She wasn’t born to love anyone else besides him. When they got back together Tinashe realised what love is.

He stopped playing with his friends. He went back to church. He didn’t understand why his wife forgave him after all he put her through.

He bought her a new house and a new car. Their love has grown stronger than before. It took a situation to define what love is. Love is patient, love is long suffering, love is forgiving, love overlooks wrongs. Love still sees light in darkness. Love is not defined by money because it still remains after money is gone.

Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach and can be reached at [email protected]