The Sunday Mail
Apostle Langton Kanyati Matrimonial Hub
IN a climate where divorce is common and marriage stand only a 50/50 chance of survival, many find themselves in an adversarial mode even before reaching divorce court.
By the time one mate leaves the home, the adversarial fires are burning very hot, often propelling the marriage into divorce court. The very adversarial, combative atmosphere that may have led to the separation is the one that can put the final nail in the marital coffin. Unfortunately, things don’t need to be this way. A marriage headed for divorce can be fixed if both partners commit to its restoration.
Make an effort to figure out what went wrong. You can’t move forward if you don’t know what’s keeping you back. Most relationships — and people — suffer from a few flaws, and perhaps those flaws are getting in the way of healthy relationships. Your job is to take a long, hard look at what you think went wrong. Here are just a few:
Work, family, stress, finance and everything else our modern world throws at you can cause people to reveal their true colours. Are the real-world husbands and wives very different from the fairy-tale versions?
Is the guilt of an affair weighing on you or your spouse? Did confession cause everything to suddenly blow up?
Lack of communication
What you say doesn’t get processed by your spouse, and what your spouse says doesn’t get processed by you. Maybe neither of you says anything at all.
Someone is a spend thrift and the other is a penny-pincher, and the twain never meet. Or maybe growing financial insecurity is making home life bitingly negative.
If your marriage has to work again, try at all costs to avoid being selfish. Rather, Always consider the needs of your spouse. Some of the things they may be making perfectly clear to you regarding certain relationships, for example with people of the opposite sex.
Perhaps they have a need for respect. Give it to them, even in the midst of complications. Perhaps they have a need to be valued and treasured. Value them and continue to show how you treasure them. Work at and desire to become the best version of yourself. This tragedy is an opportunity for you to remember why your mate fell in love with you.
What are the characteristics that made you irresistible some years ago? Reflect and resurrect those old qualities. It’s time to again become daring, adventuresome, caring and charming. These qualities won their heart once before, they may do so again.
As one flesh according to the word of God, do nothing to harm or injure your mate.
While things don’t look good, sometimes the best action is no action. Stop doing the things that aggravate the situation. So make the decision to do your mate no harm, whether by deeds or words.
- Apostle Kanyati is the founder of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited Interdenominational. Feedback at [email protected]
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