Tsano is a nuisance

31 May, 2020 - 00:05 0 Views
Tsano is a nuisance

The Sunday Mail

Husband raising hell at home

I am a 22-year-old married woman and I have a three-year-old daughter. My husband and I have had problems in the past.

These problems were caused by his infidelity. These issues were resolved by ana tete who counselled us. For some time there was peace in our marriage.

Last December, he began abusing me. He would beat me up on several occasions. The womanising started again. I do not know what to do. My daughter loves him so much and separating from him would hurt her. I am also afraid for my own safety. Please assist.

Response

I am deeply saddened by what is going on in your marriage. This man has relapsed just when you thought you had turned the corner.

The real problem at the moment is that he has started being violent, coupled by his womanising. Initially it was just the womanising that gave you sleepless nights. Your daughter may love him but I am also sure she loves her mother.

She must not be in an environment where you are physically assaulted. It puts her at risk. This issue is now beyond vanatete. You need to get the law involved. This guy must face the consequences of his actions. Gender-based violence must never be tolerated in any situation. If he chooses to neglect his family, he has no right to take out his frustrations on you. Please alert law enforcement authorities as soon as possible.

Your health and safety matters. Any resolutions to follow must be decided only once the abuse has stopped and he has been legally reprimanded for his actions. Keep me posted.

***

Blew lobola money

in a fit of rage

Amai Chisamba munofara here? I am a young man and a teacher by profession. I was in a relationship with a nurse who works for a doctor here in Mutare.

She was four years younger than me and we were in love and I wanted to marry her last December. I had saved up and was ready to pay lobola. One day when I was in town close to her workplace I saw her in the doctor’s car and it seemed like they were having a good time.

She was never that relaxed in my car or my presence.

I knew something was up. I followed them as they went to a lodge. I sat in the bar and ordered some drinks.

After 45 minutes, they re-emerged and I immediately asked her what she was doing. The doctor asked what was going on and she told him I was her brother. I became violent and beat her.

The fight had to be stopped by staff at the lodge. I then went to Gweru where I squandered the lobola money. The problem now is she and her sisters are trying to get me to marry her. They want me to forgive her. They are even offering to give me the money. I feel so betrayed and hurt. What is your take on this?

Response

Hello, ndinofara kana muchifarawo. Your situation is alarming. You witnessed first-hand the kind of woman your fiancée is and you are still contemplating going forward?

She called you her brother in front of another lover. It was a huge betrayal. I wonder how long she has been seeing her boss. The fact that they went to a lodge insinuates that the doctor is married. It is more than your relationship that was ruined.

Blowing your money in Gweru was not wise. You could have repurposed the funds, but it is no use crying over spilt milk. Taking money from them to marry her shows how desperate they are. It is possible that she may legally come after you for physically assaulting her, which was wrong and something I do not condone.

Why wait in the bar for 45 minutes or even tail them? You should have stopped that nonsense dead in its tracks. If you had not caught her in the act, she may still have been playing you. Right now would be a good time to regroup and move on.

However, the heart has its own desires. If you do wish to continue with this woman, postpone the marriage and go for premarital counselling and really see if you can find it in your heart to forgive her.

I empathise with you. It is not easy to have your whole world turned upside down in an instant. I wish you the very best.

***

Tsano is a nuisance

I am a distressed man. I am married and burdened by staying with my brother-in-law.

He is 58 and has four failed marriages. He has eight children and is currently dating a woman who has five children of her own. My in-law is gainfully employed and works four days a week. On Friday he goes to visit his girlfriend. He brought his daughter to come and stay with us. She is young and of ECD-going age, but is not attending school. This really concerns me. He does not help out at home, nor does he do anything for anyone except his girlfriend. I have had enough of it. Please help me out. I think it is time he moves out.

Response

Your issue must not burden you any further. This man is an adult whom you have been treating as a child. You are right: It is high time he goes.

Four failed marriages do not paint a particularly good picture. He is reckless and irresponsible. Try and get him to fend for his daughter or get the mother of that child to apply pressure on him. She must enrol the child.

Calling child services on your wife’s niece must be a last resort. Is there any way she can help and why is she quiet on this matter and her brother in general? I think the entire family gave up on tsano and you got the shortest straw. You ended up with him. He needs to act mature and stand on his own feet. When you do tell him of what you have decided, rope in his family members so that they are aware of what led to this decision. For his sake, I hope he gets his act together.  A large part of life has already passed him by.

 

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