The Sunday Mail
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Ex-wife being a nuisance
Hello Amai Chisamba, I would like to wish you a Happy New Year. I am a middle-aged man and I was married to my first wife and later separated in 2015 because she committed adultery. To make matters worse, she had an affair with my brother-in-law.
We have a child together. I moved on and I am now married to another woman. When she heard that I tied the knot, she started to call me as well as send frequent love messages at night. My current wife is not pleased about this at all. How can I get her to stop this behaviour? I only want her to make contact if it is something regarding our child.
Response
Hello writer and thank you. I am sorry you went through such an ordeal. After tearing the family apart, you would think your ex-wife would show more restraint. I think she is sending you these messages purposefully to try to interfere and potentially ruin your new relationship. You need to act fast.
Be bold and tell her directly to avoid contacting you unless it is something to do with the child. Better yet, is it possible to be contacted via another party such as her Tete? You can consult her Tete and try to explore these options.
Continue to ignore all her advances and focus on your marriage. Make sure you inform your wife of the new measures you are going to implement to get rid of this problem. You can also approach the civil court to make sure you have shared custody of the child and she will not use this phone situation to prevent you from seeing your child.
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Tired of wife’s spending
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 40-year-old married man and a father of three. My wife is 38 and she is a full-time housewife who is very wasteful. You cannot trust her with money because she does not budget at all. I tried to help her improve her spending by suggesting she writes down a list before going shopping.
In the end, I made it mandatory for her to always give me a receipt of whatever she buys. In December, I gave her money to go and buy Christmas groceries, but she misplaced the receipt. This did not go down well with me; we had a bad verbal fight and I sent her back to her parents’ home. She is pleading to come back and the kids are very upset with me.
The condition I gave her was that she needs to find the receipt first before she returns. Amai, please help, must I let her come back or I stick to my guns to teach her a lesson?
Response
Hello writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. I understand how frustrated you are because money is hard to come by nowadays. Your wife must exercise better spending habits as well as try to write down a list. I, however, do think you went overboard by sending her packing.
I would advise that you make sure she comes back. We are in January now and those December groceries have served their purpose. It would be a good time to let the issue rest. Apologise for losing your cool and inform her that going forward you will both try to work on managing household expenditure. At times, if you want things done right, you have to do it yourself. Why not join your wife on the monthly grocery shopping trip? You can turn a negative into a positive.
You will control her spending but you can also use it as a way to spend quality time together while doing a mundane task. Money is not everything, help your spouse where you see she has a clear weakness, but do not let it be the thing that affects your marriage or brings a great deal of discomfort to the kids. I think you proved your point.
The final question is: Do you want to be right or do you want to work on your marriage? See past the pettiness and you will get this ship back on track in no time.
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Should I bleach my skin?
Compliments of the season! I hope you are good. I am a young, single woman aged 20. Peer pressure is pushing me in the wrong direction. My friends are all bleaching and are telling me that it is the way to go these days. They say guys go for yellow-bone girls. Amai, is this true?
I bought my kit for bleaching, but I have not used it. The other issue is centred on excessive partying. I grew up in the rural area; I stayed with my grandparents and there was none of that. I have been staying with my sister and her family for the past two years and it is an urban set-up with more room for going out if I so wish. My friends have since nicknamed me Tateguru because I question most of the things before I involve myself. How do I handle such issues?
Response
Hello young writer and thanks for writing in. Congratulations for standing firm and having a mind of your own. I see no point in bleaching your skin. Self-love and self-acceptance are important if you want to live your best life. If you change your skin tone today, you most likely will not end there: You may begin to turn to body-altering medication and so forth.
Not to mention most of these kits are sold illegally and are not clinically tested. They may do more damage to your skin in the long run. People go for what they like. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you will be surprised to find out that some men actually detest those who alter their natural skin tone.
I advise against this. I urge you to find new friends who are more accepting of your natural look and non-partying ways. You will find that once you have friends with similar tastes, they will be no more pressure or negative remarks. You are young and have a lot to learn. Continue being comfortable in your own skin and you will get the most out of life.
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