The Sunday Mail
Back in the day, one thing that often startled, stunned and shocked visitors to Bishop Lazi’s home village of Buhera was the ease with which man/woman snugly co-existed with snakes, sometimes crossing paths and mingling within shared rural environs.
You see, swathes of parched Buhera’s hot climes were, and still are, notorious for being oppressively hot during most parts of the year, which forces creatures, from those that crawl and whimper to those that crouch and roar, to venture from their sweltering holes and burrows driven by the desperate and odd expectation of either catching a cool breeze or the episodic soothing shade.
So, encountering snakes was as natural as bird sightings, and Buhera, owing to its weather, had a potpourri of these species, from the black mamba, green mamba, python, cobras of various types, puff adder, gaboon viper, et cetera.
When we were growing up, we were always told that snakes were fairly harmless as long as they were neither cornered nor rattled.
There seemed to have been an unspoken but acknowledged age-old pact that bound both humans and reptiles to respect each other’s territories.
But this was not always the case.
Inasmuch as humans sometimes unavoidably strayed into snake territory, some notorious reptiles often had the habit to slither their way into villages, too, in search of food, which inexorably led to fatal outcomes.
Bishop Lazi once told you that in the village, there was a special whip that was used to deal with these venomous trespassers.
It sometimes had a wooden or metallic handle on which was fastened a whip fashioned from old bicycle chains.
A blunt blow delivered by a brutal swoop from this contraption — usually from a pair of adrenaline-motorised hands — had the devastating impact of pulverising the target into a bloody paste or mutilating it into writhing pieces.
By the same token, humans who were unfortunate enough to advertently or inadvertently incense these cold-blooded creatures did not always live to tell the tale.
One fascinating characteristic about snakes, however, especially cobras of various species, is their proclivity to fight for territory with other snakes.
In fact, cobras actually literally eat their own. And it is the smaller ones that are particularly vulnerable as convenient snacks for the big snakes.
The rare spectacle of snakes eating each other is considered an omen that portends a major development in the village.
The Bishop was fortunate or unfortunate enough to never have witnessed such a phenomenon, which is an interesting subject of inquiry by herpetologists (those who study reptiles and amphibians).
Snake Pit
The only time he came close to witnessing such a rarity was in the past month when he had a front-row seat while members of the opposition CCC spat venom at each other.
It was bound to happen that this toxic lot, which usually finds merriment in bullying, pillorying and crucifying people on social media, would one day train their weapons on each other. And, boy oh boy, we were treated to riveting real-life drama.
It was typically a drunken brawl.
On the one hand, the nasty fallout between some G40 kingpins and Triple C members, who were previously in a marriage of convenience before and after the 2018 elections as they tried to dislodge ZANU PF, finally came to a head.
The bitter exchanges traded between Edmund Kudzayi (Professor Jonathan Moyo’s lackey) and Fadzayi Mahere, Triple C’s supposed mouthpiece — which all played out on social media and were spiced up by gay and misogynous slurs — were so epic and ferocious that it is unsurprising they have since spilled into our courts.
And, on the other hand, leader of the curious amorphous grouping that calls itself Triple C, Nelson Chamisa, did not help matters.
In a move that inadvertently betrayed the identity of his handlers and puppeteers, he seemingly named a shadowy group (read shadow cabinet) immediately after being prodded by Stephen Chan, a UK scholar that G40 members accuse of being a British intelligence asset, to appoint people that the West could recognise as a putative Cabinet that will take over after the 2023 elections.
However, before the embarrassing about-turn, Chamisa had spent months doggedly resisting the same counsel from Jonathan Moyo.
What made the whole thing fishy was that Chan had to travel all the way from the UK to the deliver the message, and he was unabashedly blunt: “We want to know, as the Western world, in detail, what we are supporting. Sure, change, but what kind of change.”
Well, this statement alone made Triple C’s unwanted puppet tag even more adhesive.
If naming the shadowy group was supposed to give clarity to the beleaguered political mob, it only succeeded in sowing deep divisions and chaos.
Some youthful members of the political grouping, who are the vanguard of the opposition movement’s social media lynch mob and previously nursed delusions of being its stockholders, were thoroughly displeased by the quality, character and intellect of the ragtag group of Chamisa’s chosen henchmen.
“I expect CCC shadow cabinet to have experts in appointed ministries; someone who wins a Parliament seat because they can say ‘Kakata Chamisa’ ‘Wazadza’ is not quality we want! “Parliament is for people representation, not cabinet business!
“We will announce when the time comes,” shot one of the youthful keyboard warriors. Kikikikiki.
The Bishop almost died from raucous laughter.
The supposedly dimwit parliamentarians that were being referred to, led by Binga North MP Prince Dubeko, who recently had the ignominy of having his wife defect to ZANU PF, were not amused.
They crawled from their hovels, holes and burrows and sank their fangs into the wayward and haughty “keyboard warriors” and “twitter people”, who also include Hopewell Chin’ono.
It was brutal!
As Bishop Lazi types this, some of the shell-shocked, traumatised and disillusioned youthful apparatchiks have since temporarily abandoned their posts.
They were savaged like rats that had fallen into a snake pit.
Well, Triple C has actually morphed into a snake pit.
Haven’t they heard that Chamisa was nicknamed King Cobra during his time in the MDC. Kikikikiki.
He is known for being sly, slithery and dangerous, especially to his own.
During her short stint in the opposition, Madam Joice Mujuru found out the hard way when she tried to form a political alliance with him before the 2018 elections.
“We tried to talk to Chamisa but he was sneaky and evasive,” she later said in an interview on July 3, 2018. Kikikiki.
The Curse
As we inch towards next year’s elections, it is important, dear reader, to take heed of Genesis 3:14: “The Lord God said to the serpent, ‘Because you have done this, cursed are you more than all cattle, and more than every beast of the field; On your belly you will go, and dust you will eat.
“All the days of your life; And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring[a] and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”
It has been quite an excruciatingly difficult period marked by rancour and bitter recriminations for the opposition.
Well, the unhinged Apostle Talent Chiwenga seems to have long diagnosed the cause of some of the problems that afflict Triple C today.
“I am accusing our opposition political activists and leaders of practicing reckless politics; that is, putting their members as pawns in a political chess game, sacrificing their members so that they may appear on a press statement video, dressing in expensive clothes, speaking fluent English.
“We need people who are going to practice mature politics,” he reckoned in a video widely circulated last month.
“We need adults in these things, not just in terms of age, but in terms of experience … There are adults who are going to say to you ‘why can I join a children’s play?’ … People are not looking for an eloquent orator; a motivational speaker — people want a leader. Munofunga kuti chirungu chinokuitai leader here?” Kikikikiki.
Argh, this is the kind of drama that anyone can pay top dollar to watch.
ED Works
While all this juvenile drama is unfolding, ED is hard at work carrying out his God-ordained mission.
In three months’ time, one of his key projects will be feeding significant amounts of power (300MW) into the grid, helping to banish the hated creature called load-shedding.
Lake Gwayi-Shangani is taking shape and edging towards completion with each passing day; so, too, is Kunzvi Dam.
The massive steel project in Chivhu, whose impact will be felt in the region and beyond, has made significant headway.
Ongoing roadworks are progressively spreading to every part of the country.
Every week, there is an exciting project that is coming to life.
Construction and investment are happening at a scale never seen before in this country.
Investment pilgrims, especially by wise men from the East, continue to find their way to this sacred land.
Last week alone, we had Dubai-based medical consumables firm Interpharma making a commitment to set up a drug manufacturing plant in Victoria Falls before year-end.
We also had Dubai billionaire Shaji Ul Mulk making a commitment to build ultra-modern Cyber City that looks like Dubai.
Bishop Lazarus was drawn to the fact that the new city will replicate real estate development along Sheikh Zayed Road, the longest road in the UAE and home to many high-rise buildings that house residential apartments and serviced hotel apartments.
Could this be what preacher Shepherd Bushiri saw when he made a prophecy about Zimbabwe in May 2018?
I will leave you with what he said.
“God is doing a new thing in Zimbabwe … Hear me as a speak as a prophet: God is about to exalt that land … Zimbabwe has been a sleeping giant, but now the sleeping giant is going to rise … I am seeing a land that looks like Dubai … I am seeing a new city — I had a vision — it looks like Dubai … In the next six years from now, you will see something that looks like Dubai being built …I saw the roads in this city; I saw the beauties —Wonderful! Wonderful! God is about to promote the land of Zimbabwe!”
Food for thought!
Folks, don’t unnecessarily get distracted by obsessing about inflation, which is a passing phenomenon, but focus on durable developments that will make future generations marvel.
Let the snakes fight and builders build.
Bishop out!
