The Sunday Mail
Greetings to you all dear congregants in the mighty name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Rugare kwamuri vanhu vaMwari.
It has been a busy and long week for Zimbabwe. In fact, it was such a whirlwind of events, but worry not, our sermon will fill you in.
Brethren, your voting patterns really have to be commended. That mixed and colourful bag in the Ninth Parliament is a result of your lovely selection. The next five years are going to be very interesting.
Imagine VaMutodi making his submissions with all that energy. Joshua Sacco, our beloved mukwasha brings colour, as does Blackman Matambanadzo.
Don’t forget the ever flamboyant Dr Phil and his expensive suits. Surely the House can do with some yellow and pink linen! But we will be constantly reminding just how rich Chiyangwa is. Brace for that vanhu vaMwari. Don’t say you were not warned. l have a sweet message for all those fresh faces in Parliament, mune vakawanda vachine mukaka pamhuno.
I know there are some who may doubt your capabilities; do not let that deter you from doing zvamakatumwa naMwari.
For the Word of God says, “Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” (1 Timothy 4:12).
This Ninth Parliament might as well be descendants of David. Can l get an amen vanhu vashe?
The majority of the people in there are looked down upon but let me assure you dear congregants, under the watchful eye of President Mnangagwa, they are the right people to take us to Canaan.
They do not possess the romantic aura, just like David during his youth. When the Lord tasked Samuel to anoint a king among Jesse’s sons, David was not among the top contenders.
Yet 1 Samuel 16:12 tells us, “So after a time, the youngest son was brought in. His name was David, and he was a beautiful boy, perhaps fifteen years old, with fresh cheeks and bright eyes. As soon as the young David came, the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Arise, anoint him, for this is the one whom I have chosen.”
His conceited and spiritually blind brethren who thought they were better did not get the anointing – just as we saw at the polls.
Hama munashe, the Lord doesn’t see things the way we see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
Anyway, so there l was thinking that maybe one or two MDC Alliance Members of Parliament would boycott the inauguration as a show of solidarity with Pastor Nelson.
Nothing of that sort happened. Shuwa, nhamo yemumwe hairambirwe sadza.
Tendai Biti, the fella who pretends to be Pastor Chamisa’s right hand man, took the oath of office before clumsily trying to claim that the Ninth Parliament faced a “crisis of legitimacy”.
Nhai vaBiti, why would a whole lawyer like yourself take an oath of office for an institution that has a “crisis of legitimacy”? Ukadziya moto wembavha newewo watove mbavha ka.
As I followed the inauguration of MPs, I envied ED. It must have been great fun picking his Cabinet from that vibrant basket.
And he did well: balancing gender, age, race, expertise and experience.
So there we were in China last week. After tying up several deals with our hosts, we partook of the last supper, Brother Patrick Chinamasa in attendance too.
It was not with a heavy heart, rather in a comradely manner.
I know that wherever he is, Chinamasa is a happy man. Akarwa kurwa kwakanaka in Government.
Now to other matters.
Brethren, we need to remember baba namai Mugabe nemhuri yavo in our prayers. The couple is not feeling well.
I have to admit that when the President read that note from the former President at the inauguration, the Doubting Thomas in me didn’t believe the guy was being sincere.
This is the one of the few cases in which l have to admit just how wrong l was. They have accepted that the old order changeth and we are well and truly in the Second Republic.
To the issue of praying for them. Gushungo na Dr Amai varwara. I repeat, please let’s pray for Dr Amai and VaMugabe.
Let bygones be bygones, inga wani Mwari vanoti we should forgive those who do wrong unto us seventy times seven times (Mathew 18:22).
Dr Amai is now singing a different saccharine tune and has vowed to pray for this nation and President Mnangagwa.
“Mnangagwa loves us. He knows we love him too. We pray for him because it’s God’s will that he is President. We pray that he be given the wisdom to lead the country,” she said.
Ever since the former President supped with the devil on the eve of the elections, your Bishop has been praying for this to happen; for light to shine on the path of the Mugabe family. It has come to pass.
Sangano dzvene raMwari, itai Amen inobhohwa satan. Mwari watinonamata mukuru.
And may our good Lord console the Mugabe family during this difficult time as they mourn Gogo Marufu. Rufu mutemo waMwari saka ngatichemei tiine tariro.
Bishop is out!