The Sunday Mail
I am trying my best to be a good step-mum but my tete is driving me crazy. I am happily married. My husband and I have a daughter and a son. My stepdaughter is from a previous relationship my husband had but he never married the woman. He says it was a loveless relationship.
My step-daughter is the oldest at 12, and the rest are 10 and 8.
This woman is still friends with my husband’s sister. The interference I get from tete and this woman is disturbing. The kids get on so well but ever since tete started siding with this woman, she asks for my step-daughter to visit every weekend. Each time she comes to fetch her, my younger daughter cries to go as well but I cannot allow it because she is never invited.
The mother is also always phoning the child, even when she is doing her homework. I do not understand what is so important about these phone calls.
The reason why I am writing in is that I think things are now getting out of hand. The child tells me that her mum goes to visit her every weekend at tete’s place.
Zvichiri zvega here izvi? This woman is still not married. Is tete being fair?
My husband was upset when she told us about this. It is not like we forbid the child to visit her mother. Every holiday she goes there. Now I am gradually losing interest with the child’s homework. I have to wait for her to finish chatting with her mum.
My husband says we should talk to tete about it. My worry is I do not want to be misquoted. The whole thing is causing a lot of tension and discomfort. Please help.
Response
Thank you for writing in and thank you for bringing up this child as your own. You are headed in the right direction, do not let outside forces disturb you.
You are her parents because you are looking after this girl.
Ipai mwana mutemo otherwise it will be too late as very soon she will be a teenager. Tell her she will not take any calls until her homework is done. Her mum can call once or twice a week, briefly, since she sees her every weekend.
These are just casual phone calls, it is not a matter of life or death.
If the biological mother cares about the future of her daughter she should not sacrifice her schoolwork.
Tete is causing unnecessary anxiety by segregating her other niece and nephew. Why can she not take on the two sisters for the weekend? They are both her brother’s kids. She makes it seem like they are up to something with your husband’s ex. Why did she not tell you guys about this woman coming over to her house every weekend to see her daughter?
In my view, you should also limit these weekend visits because they send the wrong messages to the child. For argument’s sake, ask tete if she wants to stay with the child varege kutambura every now and then. You will be surprised what her answer will be.
You and your husband have custody of the child. Her future depends on how well you bring her up now. Your husband is right; you both need to talk to tete and map a positive way forward for the girl. He wants transparency.
Do not worry about the other woman. If he loved her he would have married her before you even came into the picture.
Continue loving this girl and helping her with her schoolwork so that she can stand on her own two feet in future. Tete vane kahunyoka but continue to do good and pray for your family. I wish you all the best.
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