The Sunday Mail
Dr Chisamba
Mudzimba
Hello amai. How are you? I am a young lady and I am struggling to make friends. I do not know if this has to do with my personality. I try to be engaging and funny but no one seems to want to hang out with me.
It pains me when I see them posting statuses with other people and yet they do not respond to my messages. I had a close friend in college but now she has abandoned me. My question is: What can I do to become a better friend, and is this a passing phase?
Response
Hi dear writer. I am very well and thank you for asking. To be honest, your guess is as good as mine.
If you tick all the right boxes, usually making friends becomes easy. Continue being your bubbly and vibrant self. I think it is just a matter of time. I would have appreciated if you had told me how old you are so I could surmise if it is a passing phase or not.
You need to work on other things around you that create an aura. It could be the way you dress or where you like to frequent. Try also making sure no one is spreading unfounded rumours about you as that may make people avoid you. The most important tip I can give is to not be too clingy and afford people their space when they need it. Also, be attentive and listen to their problems and try to help as best you can.
Friendship, like most relationships, is a partnership. Try rekindling your relationship with this old friend. I do not think she has abandoned you. After college, life can get hectic. Did she wed and is she now gainfully employed or even still in the same location? Continue to give good energy and vibes and you will make true friends. Give it time. Remember, a watched pot never boils.
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Boyfriend pressuring me
Hello amai. I a young fan of yours. I am 17 and my boyfriend is 21. I am in Lower Sixth and eager to finish my studies and go to college. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is pressuring me to have sex with him.
I do not want to engage in those kinds of activities because I am really scared about contracting STIs and an unwanted pregnancy. He says if I do not give in he will spread rumours about me. Please help me as best as you can.
Response
Greetings young fan. Thank you for trusting me with your concern. The first issue at hand is that he is 21 and you are 17. You are a minor, so he must not push you to make adult decisions. I think he is out to take advantage of you.
The second point is that there is nothing that shows this guy cares about you. If he did, why would he want to extort you? Be frank with him and tell him you will stand your ground and report him to the authorities and your parents or legal guardians if he gets out of line.
I think he is an evil-minded young man and you must stop spending time with him. Please confide in an adult you trust and let them help you break ties with this guy. I would recommend one of your parents. As a young lady, stay guarded and focus on your goals.
You will save yourself so much heartache and pain. Focus on school and please keep me posted. It shall be well.
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Family not amused
with my choice
I am a 20-something-year-old man. My parents died when I was young and I was raised by my paternal uncle — my father’s younger brother — and his wife. I shall refer to my uncle’s wife as aunt for purposes of this letter.
My aunt’s mother was raising her brother’s daughter, who I shall refer to as X.
I hope this is not confusing. The issue is I then fell in love with X and my family is not happy about it, but we have been dating for five years now and are deeply in love.
I do not think there is any problem with our relationship, even the Marriages Act does not forbid such a relationship. So, amai, what advice can you give in such a scenario?
Response
Dear 20-something-year-old man, you have quite an issue on our hands. Before I dive in, let me just state that no matter how you package this, it will always have a weird taste.
You are not related by blood but your families are intertwined. I think you should have looked elsewhere for love. They say love is blind but in this instance, I think your choice is.
Did you look elsewhere or waida kuraura mudish? There is no need to bring up acts or the legality of it since you are both majors. The choice ultimately rests with you.
I would advise the two of you to look elsewhere and stop the conflict that has arisen because of this relationship.
My guess is you are young and just beginning to feel the strong emotions of love. Be wary of them and also factor in logic when making binding decisions. Take it one step at a time. It shall be well.
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