The Sunday Mail
Life Issues with FGK
LAST week we asked why would one choose to be a small house and remain a secret when their partner is choosing to stay with his wife permanently?
Diverse views and thoughts were shared. We delve into some of the most thought-provoking contributions on the issue.
Sha-makmia had this to say: “Lust and cruelty make people get into such relationships. Men just use women when they have their beloved wives at home. They are not content with what God gave them. But true men respect themselves and their wives.”
Shumirai from Greencroft said: “The problem with us women is that we don’t value ourselves as much as we should. That is why we only see our value when we have a man.”
But Felistas from Mandara disagreed with Shumirai, coming out guns blazing.
“Men are full of lust and their eyes are never satisfied. Men are the real problem. They come to you lying and telling all sorts of stories. Most of these small houses were lied to. A married man will say he is single, a widower, or in the process of getting a divorce.
“Usually, the truth is discovered after the woman has already been used, it will be too late to let go. So it’s not like every woman who is a small house actually chose that, they were subjected to circumstances that trapped them there. If we wanted to engage in prostitution, wouldn’t we simply go to the Avenues? Your husbands approach us with lies.”
Following all these contributions, we have noticed that there are so many factors leading to the proliferation of small houses. These include:
- a) Marriage delay
Some women are not married and they wish to have husbands. They say men are not proposing to them so they feel left out. The desire to have a man in their house pushes them. This problem has developed because girls have this belief that marriage is the ultimate goal in life. So after completing school, they feel ready for marriage. Any further delay in marriage, say she is now approaching her late twenties or early thirties, and she will be desperate for any prospect of a marriage promise. Therefore they fall for anything and any man who promises them company.
- b) The perception that men are few
World demographics show that male children are less than their female counterparts. In anthropology and demography, the human sex ratio is almost 1:1 with the male sex being estimated at 1, 06 males per every female. So the misconception of men being few is misapprehension of scientific facts and this has caused panic in many single women. They tend to scramble for any man who seems to enjoy their bait. Many women have nurtured this idea for far too long and it has become a truth in their mental world. The little truth in the belief only comes when men are growing, they are dying quicker than women.
- c) Lies
Many women we have spoken to have painted themselves as victims to lying men. Men as delightful specimens; the sweet deep vocals that ooze out of their mouths have proven so hard for women to resist. Most women say that they realise at a later stage that they have been lied to. Men do this only to become intimate with the ladies. Some men even lie that they are single or divorced; or their lawyer is processing divorce papers. They do not care about the consequences on the affected lady, they know when she finds out that he is married, she will be angry and probably leave — then he will be free to go to the next victim.
- d) Sympathy
Some men show that they are going through hell at home. They act as if they want to confide in you to seek inner peace, yet they are after you. You sympathise with them, give them company and a shoulder to lean on. Not so long after that, you find yourself giving them something much more than that and intimacy has begun. They hunt like pythons, they seem harmless like doves. Many ladies find themselves entangled in this web. Even when a man is in deep trouble, his sexual make-up and desire remains the same. Therefore women need to handle such men with caution so that counselling sessions do not turn into romantic relationships.
In conclusion, women and girls should have integrity and really care for themselves. They should never fall prey to some of the things highlighted above or give themselves away for monetary gain. The loss is way too much and money cannot restore a broken spirit. Very few small houses can survive the turmoil of the marriages they would have shaken.
The bond that holds a marriage together is much stronger than the bond of sex and money, sympathy and lies. In a marriage set-up, God oversees the union. In an extra marital affair, who is lord over it?
While there are many reasons for becoming small houses and side-chicks, it is simply not worth it. The moment one discovers that they are dating a married man, they should cut ties regardless of how deep things had gone. It is wise to stay away from married men, the danger is not worth it. The curse associated with being in such a position is an unbearable burden. Watch out for lust driven men whose appetite for women is insatiable. When they cheat on their wives with you, they will surely cheat on you with some more women.
Quote of the week: Mockery comes in disguise at times
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