Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 29-year-old single lady dating a guy of the same age. He has two children from two different women he was once married to. He seems to be a good guy.
However, he blames both women for the breakup of his marriages.
I am writing to you because he now wants me to marry him.
His kids live with their biological mothers and he visits them regularly.
As much as I want to get married, I have some misgivings. I desperately need your help because I do not want to waste my time.
Response
I am very well, and thanks for inquiring. This man is only 29 but he has already fathered two children and divorced twice. In my view, that is a red flag and cause for concern.
Furthermore, he has never fully explained what happened in the relationships; instead, he blamed his former lovers for the breakdown of both relationships.
If you love him, please take time to get to know him and go for premarital counselling to see how it goes.
He may not be amused by you telling him the truth, but if he really cares, he will be open to taking things slowly. I wish you all the best.
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My sister is after my husband
How are you Amai? I follow your column religiously.
I am a married 38-year-old woman and my spouse is 40. We are blessed with three kids.
My sister, who resides at our rural home, came over to visit us for a fortnight and I asked her to stay on for a month. I now regret that decision as she is becoming too familiar with my husband. My hubby is not a television person, but now the two watch TV until everyone else retires to bed.
He now goes to the grocery shops often with her and buys her some goodies. I called my mother and told her what was going on.
Mum was upset and told me to send her back home right away.
My husband said I should not do that since I am the one who asked her to extend her stay. Please help, I cannot take it anymore.
Response:
I am very well, thanks for asking. I am grateful for your support of this platform.
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You sound very upset, but I do not understand why.
Is your sister or husband of loose morals? You asked her to extend her stay, but you did not mention why. Was this a random thing?
Was there a reason behind it?
These two are very close to you. You can tell them point-blank that you are not happy with what is going on.
I think telling your mother was premature because you had no tangible proof of any mishap; this may have ripple effects on the family at large.
Perhaps your husband is going the extra mile to impress his sister-in-law. I strongly advise you to do a proper investigation and see what you come up with.
I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Parents are ruining my plans of getting married
Dear Amai, I am a 20-year-old househelp and my boyfriend is a gardener. We are planning to get married in April this year.
My husband-to-be has been saving for this day. He now has a total of US$1 500.
I told my parents about the amount he has, but they insist that he should bring a minimum of US$3 000.
I know for sure that he cannot raise that amount before April. We are so much in love that I do not know what to do.
Response
Greetings writer, your letter made me very sad because of what you are going through. Your boyfriend has done well considering his earnings, and his efforts need to be appreciated.
Culturally, you do not go straight to your parents to divulge such information; instead, you go to your tete, ambuya or sekuru.
It is not up to you to negotiate and convince your parents.
The good thing about lobola is that most sons-in-law continue to pay the outstanding balance in instalments even after the lobola day. Continue to love and support each other, and it shall be well. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
